Nanny wants to be friends on FB

*sparky*

I received a friend request from our nanny last night. It seems kind of odd to me and like some boundaries are being crossed that I don't want to cross. I don't have any reason to want to be FB friends with her. But how would you handle it? I feel like I kind of need to say something and can't just ignore it.

kikimeemee

Hmm... I don't see any boundaries being crossed. My fb page is pretty empty so I don't mind what people "know" abt me. Sure is interesting what some others post on their pages!

What might be your reasons for not wanting to accept?

(Side note - I don't accept fb friend requests from work clients and tell them it's company policy so maybe just say it's your personal policy?). :-)

cedenton

I think it's a bad idea from her side more than your side.  You can always use FB privacy settings to limit what she sees.

TheBorg7of9

I wouldn't mind it at all, but if I were the nanny, I would.

catahoulatte

I would think it was more of an issue for her than you, since you are her employer. But like PP said, you could limit what she sees, or just let her know that it's something you don't feel is appropriate as someone who is paying her to watch your kids.

cedenton

cjcouple said:

I would just say: 

Sorry, (insert name) I got your FB request but honestly, I am not comfortable with crossing those lines as an employer/employee relationship.  She will just say ok

My old boss had a few coworkers friend request and she had to say, sorry my home private life is private. and she was right

This is what I would do in a normal boss/employee relationship, but I don't quite think it fits in this scenario. I mean, it's your nanny. She's in your house all day every day taking care of your child(ren).  Anything you post of FB she probably already knows except for the really intimate stuff.

Tink112011

I would accept the friend request and have privacy settings set appropriately.

My work life frequently crosses over into FB.  It would not be the best idea for me to be declining friend requests when my job relies so much on relationship building.  Could I decline the requests?  Sure... but with all the different settings, its so easy to accept the friend request and still control what they see.

Mustardseed2007

I wouldn't accept her, but I wouldn't say anything unless she brought it up.

Then if she did I would just say that I'd prefer to keep us on a face to face basis rather than a social media basis.

ETA: I wouldn't want her to send me important messages by facebook. Some people do that b/c they're on facebook all the time.

jenn43

TheBorg7of9 said:

I wouldn't mind it at all, but if I were the nanny, I would.

This.  I am FB friends with my employees, and once I caught someone calling in "sick" after she posted on FB pictures of her out at the bar half the night.  From your perspective it just depends on what kind of stuff you post.

mommatotwo2

I'm friends with many of our care providers on FB and while the occasional whine about work vent might come through and cause me momentary bad feelings, I quickly realize nobody likes their job all the time and that's just normal. I enjoy "getting to know" the people caring for my children all day.

I think especially because she, as the employee, reached out to you and she has more to lose, I'd go ahead and accept. Just make sure you don't say anything bad about not liking her, not wanting to work, etc. If you're not comfortable having to be that cautious/careful just tell her she didn't get the request (if she brings it up) and consider blocking her so she can't even see you're on fb.

BabyHope2013

I am friends on facebook with our daycare provider. I have no problem with it. I know she does not extend requests out---she waits for the parents to offer a friend request. But I have nothing to hide. If anything, if helped me see more about the person she is and continued to further validate to me what a great mother she is to her own kids and how lucky we are for her to care for our DS everyday. 

caladpi02

K3am said:

I side for go ahead and accept, but set up privacy restrictions.

My boss sent me a FB request - he's on a blocked profile view. And I have him blocked so he doesn't show up in my feed. 

This. I am hardly on FB anymore, but I would have major restrictions.

cedenton

cjcouple said:

cedenton said:

cjcouple said:

I would just say: 

Sorry, (insert name) I got your FB request but honestly, I am not comfortable with crossing those lines as an employer/employee relationship.  She will just say ok

My old boss had a few coworkers friend request and she had to say, sorry my home private life is private. and she was right

This is what I would do in a normal boss/employee relationship, but I don't quite think it fits in this scenario. I mean, it's your nanny. She's in your house all day every day taking care of your child(ren).  Anything you post of FB she probably already knows except for the really intimate stuff.

I disagree. I think it is important to have a "boss" image to an extent.  She is not your pal, you hire her to care for your child.  Watching me go on a girls weekend is frankly none of her. business

Perhaps it's a matter of perspective or experience.  There's nothing I would feel is appropriate for FB that wouldn't be appropriate for the nanny. 

*sparky*

Sorry for not posting earlier - for some reason I could not reply to this post on my work PC. I don't put much on FB - an occasional picture of the kids, I may share a lost or found dog notice posted by the local animal shelter, really harmless stuff. I guess I just feel like there's really no reason for her to be viewing my pics or for me to see hers.

Plus she sells Stella & Dot and uses FB to promote her stuff and I don't want her to be somehow trying to friend me so she can start trolling my friends to sell her jewelry. I don't know of she even could do that.

I was able to pull up her profile tonight and I can see she's been posting her S&D stuff on FB while she's here working so now I am thinking maybe I do want to friend her so I can see how active she is while I am paying her to watch my kids.

*sparky*

@luxannie - I know other people disagree with me but I really don't want her messing around on her phone doing FB or whatever while I am paying her to watch my children. If the baby is napping and my DS is in school, fine. But if the kids are awake and in her care there is no reason she should be using that time to sell her jewelry. That is not what I am paying her for.

jtmomma13

If you don't want to be FB friends with her then I would most likely ignore it and if she brings it up say something like "oh I haven't been on facebook in forever, I didn't even see it". Unless you are comfortable with saying that you'd rather keep your FB private.

I am friends with my DCP. We do home daycare. And we have become friends. Some might frown upon it but the relationship works for us. We both set clear guidelines on pay and we both have mutual respect for each other when taking time off etc. So to me it's not a big deal. And I love her family so I love seeing photos of her kids on my newsfeed. 

*sparky*

I have told her what is and isn't ok. I don't know why you're assuming I have not. I have told her I don't want her hanging on her phone while she is supposed to be caring for my children.

ETA: I understand that people disagree with my perspective on this and I do appreciate getting different points of view.