I can't stand being like this!

deanna1313

I'm so tired of dealing with PPD! As a whole I'm a little better, but I have some bad days.
Tonight I'm having such a hard time because my husband just left for work(he works a 12 hour night shift). I get so lonely at night when he isn't here. I'm okay when he works day shift.
I am struggling with my daily schedule and the fact that all I do is care for the baby. Obviously I have to, but I miss my old life and I feel so guilty saying that.
I want to go back to normal and I can't stand that I could be stuck like this for a long time!!!

emy730

I totally relate to how you're feeling. I feel the same way. My DH works days, but when he leaves I feel out of control and so depressed. It feels like it will never let up and it scares me.

I miss my old life too and I often long to go back to it. It's so scary feeling this way.

Are you on meds or seeing a therapist? I'm doing both, but I'm starting to feel like neither is helping.

deanna1313

I see a psychologist and I go to a PPD support group at the hospital. I'm not on meds. Didn't react well to Zoloft that my OB prescribed. The psychologist said that I am functioning well so I don't have to be on anything unless I want to.
I definitely have bad days once in a while. I'm little better today.

I know my life isn't ever going to be the same, but I just hope that one day I won't miss it so much. Everything reminds me that I lost what I had and my life won't ever be the same.

deanna1313

@mmitchel87‌ I'm praying that everything goes back to normal for all of us, too!
My husband does 2 weeks of days and then 2 weeks if nights all 12 hour shifts and some overtime, also. Sometimes I'm not sure what's worse. The nights are harder for me right now. I feel lonely, but the lonely feelings make me uneasy and anxious. It's very weird.

Jennys9

I understand. My husband travels for a living and is gone either two nights a week or sometimes Sunday-Saturday.  I have been dreading being alone for several days & nights in a row, but it is exacerbated by the PPD. My mom came to stay with me after a few weeks alone.  Thank goodness because several days alone in the house is too hard with the anxiety. 

deanna1313

@Jennys9‌ it is definitely exacerbated by the PPD!
I couldn't even tell you what bothers me about being home alone.
Am I afraid to take care of the baby by myself? No!
Am I afraid to be home alone? No!
So what's my problem?

I have a lot of feelings I can't explain. I am constantly asking myself the question "is this you or the PPD?"

I just can't wait to be back to my normal self.

ladylisalt

deanna1313 said:

@Jennys9‌ it is definitely exacerbated by the PPD! I couldn't even tell you what bothers me about being home alone. Am I afraid to take care of the baby by myself? No! Am I afraid to be home alone? No! So what's my problem? I have a lot of feelings I can't explain. I am constantly asking myself the question "is this you or the PPD?" I just can't wait to be back to my normal self.

I struggle with the lonely feeling too. I am not typically like that but it seems to escalate when I have babies. This is my 2nd one. I want my husband to be home more and he's not gone as long as some of you have mentioned but I hate that feeling. Also, we don't really have family that helps and I think that bothers me sometimes even though it is out of my control. We will all get through this.