How can I best help my friend with PPD?

jennypolkadots

Hi everyone,

I am pregnant with my first and have no first hand experience with the hardship of PPD or depression in general. My very close friend gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a week ago and is really struggling. I can't say for sure that it is PPD but I know her delivery did not go at all as planned and she has told me she feels incredibly lonely, isolated, and just cries all the time. I am going to visit her today (at her request) and planning just to listen, and not judge or give advice. I just want her to be able to talk about all of her feelings and feel she has a friend in this. So here is my question for you - what more can I do to best help my friend with PPD? I am planning to bring her a gift - some bubble bath, some tea, and maybe a piece of jewelry or a cd if I can find one for her today. I want to bring her something for her, because I feel like everyone visiting is focusing all on the baby right now and she needs some support and attention.

Advice for me? Books she may enjoy? Other gifts you would have really loved to get in the first few weeks?

deanna1313

Honestly, your support is the best thing you can do for her. A gift for her is great, too. Just knowing that she has you understanding and not judging her is great. Hold the baby and help her with him to relieve some if that stress she may be dealing with. Listen to her and ask her if there is anything you can do.

poohbear033

Just being there for her is great. I felt alone and it was helpful to have people around who cared. Offer to help her if she needs the dishes done or a load of laundry, bring her a meal or snacks.

deanna1313

Good one! @poohbear033‌ I struggled with making sure I was eating in the beginning. Having someone prepare it pick something up for me was great.

Your friend is lucky to have someone who cares so much about her!!!

deanna1313

Also, I get very lonely sometimes and used to be afraid to be by myself. If you are willing to let her know that she can call you to talk or come over anytime she may need you. Just having that safety net and support is so helpful.

flcl

PPs had some great advice.  How did your visit go?  Since she is such a close friend, I would just ask her straight out how you can best support her.  I always appreciated that from my H and friends.  Most of the time, I just needed them to check in on me and listen when I did feel like talking.  Just letting her know you're available and that you care about her will mean so much.  Hope she's feeling better soon.

jennypolkadots

Thank you everyone! Our visit went really well. I brought her a little gift - bubble bath, tea, lip balm, mud mask, and a hilarious book to get her laughing. I was going to bring dinner but her mom lives a street over and was bringing it. I think the transition is just really tough especially since she is breast feeding and can't sleep more than a few hours at a time. She feels guilty about not feeling totally joyful during this special time, or feels like she isn't good enough because she didn't plan him and have everything the way she wanted it. It is bonkers, she is an amazing mom and woman. Just a bit type A and there have been a lot of things she just can't control. 

We just talked and talked, and cried, and talked lol. It is tough because she is about an hour drive from me but I am going to try to visit at least once a week for several hours just to help with anything I can and bring her some laughter. We always laugh when we are together, and me being pregnant helps her not feel so alone in this. I'll be right in the same shoes in about 5 months. I'm hoping she doesn't have PPD and is just sleep deprived, I just worry about her because she feels lonely and emotional. Thank all of you for all of the advice. I really truly appreciate it!!