single mom check in

MinnesotaMomma91

With the influx of new posters i thought we could do a check in/whats your story to help keep everyone straight.

Im minnesotamomma91 i have a one year old little boy. I got pregnant by my bd whom was my xh best friend in high school. We hooked up about two weeks after i left my xh. He was also estranged from his stbxw.

Well when i first found out i was pregnant but before i went to the doc to have it confirmed he was all about being daddy and being a family. I was unsure about that because i was starting to rekindle a.romance with my bf. Anyways i got the pregnancy confirmed and suddenly bd wantes to be an uninvolved party and wanted nothing to do with ds.



But im very lucky, i have a wonderful bf who loves me and ds unconditionally and were a little blended family. Bd and his wife got back together and they popped out another kid four months after ds was born. But they seperated again shortly after.

I currently tolerate ds sm a because shes obnoxious as shit. I roll my eyes everytime i hear from her.


Also i graduate in less then 42 days!

And here is a picture of bf and ds. I donr share pictures of bfs son c on the bump.

jellybean529

Great idea @minnesotamomma91.

I'm jellybean529. I have a six year old daughter and I'm a single mom living in Central Florida. I was with my STBXH for 13 years and married for 8 (would be 9 now, I guess technically we're still married since neither of us have filed yet...but it's coming.) 

My story -- it really started in 2011 when I caught him flirting with my best friend over text messages (she rejected his every advance so it was definitely one-sided). Shortly thereafter he applied for (and accepted) a job in Massachusetts and I decided to give things another shot since he seemed remorseful. In 2012 we moved from Central FL to Boston and things were just...eh. I wasn't happy about the move (though I grew to love living there) and being in a new place with no friends or family nearby just put our problems under a magnifying glass and I resented the crap out of him. I fully accept that our marital problems were partially my fault.

Beginning of 2013 I saw a charge on his credit card statement around Valentine's Day for a gift basket that I didn't receive. I confronted him and he told me he sent it to his mom. Turns out he sent it to a girl in Texas -- he came clean about that a couple of hours later. He'd had an online relationship with her for several months at that point. I tried to end things then, but wound up giving him another very much undeserved second chance as long as we went to counseling. This was in April 2013. Counseling never happened.

In September 2013 I caught him getting involved with a coworker and gave him the boot. It hadn't progressed beyond flirtation but after all we'd been through already, enough was enough.

In November he told me he was applying for jobs out of state (he named Washington, Utah, and Louisiana as places he was considering), so, as an act of self-preservation, I contacted my former employer in Florida (which is also where all of my friends and family were) to see if they had any openings. They did, and I moved back here in January of this year. STBXH accepted a job in Louisiana and moved there in February.

And that brings us to today! We're currently living with my sister and her two kids (and recently my sister's b/f has been staying at our house about 6 nights a week) and that's a less than ideal situation for us at the moment so we'll be moving out on our own in a few months. DD is doing great, she loves school and has friends. Her dad comes and visits for a few days each month and we're on semi-good terms right now, trying to be friendly for her sake. 

Here's a picture of my sweet girl on her first day of school (she's a first grader):

20thirteen

I don't know if I ever told you guys about my visit to the doc when they told me I was pregnant.  I had been feeling sick and was throwing up for a couple of days, and I *never* throw up.  Vomit is gross and freaks me out.  So, I called the doctor and made an appointment.  When I told her my symptoms, she said "let's get you a pregnancy test, just to rule that out or whatever." (her exact words).  And, I don't know if I'm remembering this correctly or if I'm imagining the look on her face, the one that read "These are all symptoms of pregnancy, you idiot.".  But the idea of pregnancy never ever crossed my mind because I just never wanted kids.  Anyway, that's the most in-depth I'll get here...

My BD and I found out I was pregnant and instead of talking to me about it, he avoided the subject.  Whenever we did talk about it, it was "you need to get an abortion".  When I didn't, he started dating this psycho crazy cunt bitch behind my back.  And I'm not calling her a psycho crazy cunt bitch because HE decided to take that path, I call her that because she stalked me after BD and I broke up and told me about their "totally awesome sex life" (bitch, btdt, it's really not that awesome) all the time.  Anyway, on Christmas, he called me from her house and when he couldn't get the words out to break up with me, PCCB took the phone and handled the break up.  Also, told me about all the times they fucked behind my back and so many other things that I just did not want to hear. 

I took my time to heal, which didn't take too long, I'm not one to cry over losers.  I cried, though, every time I looked at families that would be willing to adopt my little girl. And, eventually, I changed my mind and kept her.  I did some soul searching, I reconnected with friends that BD didn't like me hanging out with, and honestly, I'm a much better person now than I was even before I met BD.  Anyway, I was about 8-8.5mo pregnant when out of the blue, this old flame contacted me.  He has been DD's daddy her whole life.  I love him, DD loves him, he's so great.

BD has seen DD 3 times.  He doesn't go out of his way to contact me.  For me, that's fine.  I never want to see him again.  However, I want DD to know her father, so that she doesn't get her opinion of him from me.  I think that DD needs to have her own opinion of him.  I think that's important.  And I know I can't paint a good picture of him.

LongIslandMama1114

@MinnesotaMomma91 I like this! Since I'm a newbie, I didn't really want to pry into everyone's situations...just tried getting the gist from other posts. I did post an intro not that long ago but I'll do a shorter version with a few current things happening...

I work for the local Sheriff's Office at one of the jails. I'm a civilian so no uniform or contact with inmates (thankfully). I'm blessed to have a good job with even better health benefits. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and no longer with BD (MY choice). I am about $30,000 in debt (give or take) and about 75% of that was HIS doing while promising to pay me back. He didn't. And hasn't. So I will file for bankruptcy in November when DS is born. BD has another son that I wonder if this LO will ever know and that makes me sad. It's been a month since I've heard from him and even that contact was him being concerned about HIM. He hasn't asked a single thing about the baby in MONTHS. I've finally accepted that it's just me and my little man. I'm so thankful for the support of my friends and family for without them, I'd probably be losing my mind.

On that note, I have been feeling lonely lately. I yearn for companionship. My friends and family are great but sometimes it's hard being alone without the affection from a man. Obviously I'm in no shape to go out and meet someone...who would want to start a relationship with a pregnant chick anyway? I worry it's going to be hard enough to meet someone while having a child but it's not THAT big of a worry because I need to just focus on my baby boy. But still. I'm lonely. Hopefully once the baby is born, I'll feel a lot less lonely.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Amandarae529 as silly as it sounds and i wouldnt encourage going out dating while pregnant unless your in a place to date emotionally. It is possibleto meet someone while pregnant. Both @20thirteen and myself started dating our partners while pregnant. My bf and i dated my entire pregnancy and @20thirteen and her bf started dating while she was eight and a half months pregnant.

But again dont date unless your ready

LongIslandMama1114

Fact is, I'm not sure that I AM emotionally ready for a relationship and the fact that I'm not sure kinda tells me that I'm definitely NOT ready. I have to take a look at myself...WHY I allowed BD to manipulate me, WHY I always feel this constant need to "fix" people, WHY I always go for the guys that need fixing to begin with yet feel like anyone that has their shit together is too good for me. List goes on and on. He taught me a lot about myself in that sense, I suppose.

I guess I just miss the flirty conversations, getting excited when "he" texts, dates, and of course being intimate with someone other than myself (sorry if TMI lol)...though right now I feel quite unattractive to people since I'm pregnant anyway.

Helenahhandbasket

Holy ish @jellybean529.  I didn't know your story- shitty, but you are one strong lady.

Hugs to you and anyone who needs them today.

My story is pretty simple-- Met STBXH in 2005, married in 2007.  We were just never really right for each other and I sort of ignored that our relationship left a lot to be desired until it was too late.  Tried counceling for a year.  It didn't really help.  He moved out in June and we are about to formally file.

We have a beautiful, smart 2.5 YO DD.  She lives with me (we moved in with my mom after the separation) and he visits a few times a week.  He is a good dad and we are trying to stay friends, but it is tough.

 

 

MinnesotaMomma91

@Amandarae529 thats awesome that youve one realized your not ready and two decided to take a step back and.self reflect. Dont be afraid to give couceling a try in the future it can be helpful.

LongIslandMama1114

@lurchbaby That's kind of what I'm thinking/hoping...that I get more comfortable with myself and such. And I truly think/hope that having this little boy will make me have some better decisions on the men I choose to allow in my life. I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember and I think that part of the reason I jumped into things with BD and ignored the red flags was because I felt I was getting "too old" and "running out of time" to have a baby. I did a lot of settling. I need to stop doing that.

20thirteen

I think, for me, it was important for me to re-learn myself and to re-evaluate my life.  I don't think my BF and I would have started dating any sooner if he had contacted me at, say, 4mo along.  I needed that time to heal. Of course, that was my situation.  @minnesotamomma91 was in a different place when she started dating her BF.  While you're lonely right now, take this time to "date yourself". I know that money is tight and will only get tighter, but there are things you can do and do for yourself that are cheap or free.  Take some time to meditate.  Especially with an ex that was a manipulator, its important to take time to heal.  Put your self in a better place, not just for the baby, but for you.  You'll find that the companionship you crave will come along when you least suspect it.

MinnesotaMomma91

Yes i was in a different place. Id emotionlly seperated from my xh after we suffered a miscarriage and he wasnt there for me.

Also ive taken a lot of time for me. Bf has been super supportive while i go to school and he has grown as a person with me in the last couple of years.

And i agree with @20thirteen take time to date yourself. Go to a cosmrtology school and get a manicure or pedicure.Ceck groupon to see if there is anything you want to do. Once your lo gets here go on dates with him

tig594

Hi, all!

BD and I were high school sweethearts and dated for 3 years back then.  When we were 19 we got engaged and he started talking about having kids and all that and I bolted.  No way did I want kids at 19 (or at 25, 30, 35, etc). Over the years I've thought of him often and always had a soft spot for him.  He was my first real boyfriend/love.  A few years later I moved out of state and came back 5 years ago this fall.  BD and I reconnected at 38 years old (we're the same age) and things were a little weird at first and when I was with him it really felt like I was home...then I realized the extent of BD's alcohol problem.  Over the next 2 years we had issues but he continued to beg me to have a baby.  At 40 I was diagnosed with type-1 diabetes and I have some other medical issues that are not as serious.  I also heard the biological clock getting louder.  

I did end up getting pregnant twice and miscarrying.  After the 2nd one I said no more.  It was too hard emotionally and physically and my relationship with BD was getting rockier by the day.  Two months after the second miscarriage my OB confirmed I was pregnant for the 3rd time.  Ooops.

During my very difficult pregnancy with DD, BD started doing some really stupid shit when I dumped him.  He was not really supportive of me and my emotions/pregnancy, even though he did want the baby. I think he thought like a 16 year old girl...if I we have a baby she'll never leave me and things will get better for us.  Not.  When I ordered DD's crib and car seat he stole them off my porch right after FedEx delivered them. He tore up my yard with his truck twice.  He broke in and stole over $1000 worth of stuff from my garage.  He showed up in my doctor's office parking lot shit face drunk a couple times.  And he called and texted constantly...like 20-30 times at all hours of the day/night.  

BD and I aren't together now,  but we're going to a therapist separately (I have a no contact order, which is even better than a PPO and includes no 3rd party contact as his mom is also a psycho).  By what I've told the therapist, he thinks BD has borderline personality disorder.  BD has a court date in Sept where he could go to prison for 1-3 years for stalking me while on probation for the felony DUI he got last fall (he only served 5-6 months in jail for that).  It will really be up to the therapist's findings, but the therapist and I both know BD will continue to violate his no contact order.  

He's also not paid jack shit in support for our now 17 month old daughter.  He also doesn't currently see her because I won't allow it and really hasn't been in her life very much since she was born, not by his choosing.  We'll be arguing about that in court on Monday.

Despite all BD's drama and the financial struggle that burdens me daily, you won't find a prouder mama than this girl right here.  DD is amazing and I absolutely LOVE being her mommy.  I wouldn't trade her for anything in this world, and if you mess with her prepare to come away limbless.  She's worth every bit of struggle and ounce of stress her dad puts me through.  Although that will hopefully be coming to an end very soon.

freeatlast2014

Hi. I'm freeatlast2014!
I met BD in AA when I first started going. I was breaking up with a long distance crazy ex and he was with someone too. We started hanging out and he soon broke up with his girlfriend and started dating me. We were both sober, went to meetings, he was my first sober relationship. We dated a year, engaged for 1.5, starting living together almost immediately. Got married, bought my dream home, I had DS#1 and became a SAHM. I loved life but something was off with us. We were trying for 2U2 and then stopped and started seeing a counselor. Then the night I told my therapist I was pg in couples counseling he told me he had been getting high with pot. I cried. I didn't want to have another baby but there I was now with 2 boys 20 months apart. He started to get nasty and abusive and violent. Never hitting me but punching holes in our walls, braking my phone, taking my jewelry and then giving it back later. My therapist told me that one of us needs to leave the house to diffuse the situation. It started becoming where I would leave the house every single morning without the kids hoping when I walked back in he would finally go to work and leave me alone. All of this happened in front of the kids. After hitting me on the butt and threatening me and my family if I told I called the cops this was in feb 2014. He filed did divorce shortly after. So did I.
Fast forward I now have a final restraining order which was issued in May. He has violated it twice already. Go to court in 2 weeks for that. We are in the middle of a nasty divorce cause his family is extremely wealthy and they hide their income very well. So they hire the best lawyers to try to keep from giving me anything while I take care of my boys 80% of the time. At least he now remembers to pick them up. I'm tired of fighting. I'm broke. I'm lonely. I'm in limbo with no full time job, no where to live and very little help financially from him. I want to cry everyday.

freeatlast2014

Thank you @lurchbaby‌ . You guys are amazing sources of strength!

tig594

Thank you. Creepy e-hugs are better than no hugs at all.

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LongIslandMama1114

Thank you all for sharing your stories! I admire everyone's strength and you're all an inspiration to me.

Creepy e-hugs all around!

20thirteen

becwheat said:

Let me get some questions out of the way: 

1) NO, I had no idea he was a pedophile (duh) and asking me this pisses me off cause I would never knowingly stay with a sicko. 

2) YES, I kicked him out ASAP. Changed the locks and he was not present for the birth of MY daughter.

3) YES, I filed for child support. It has no bearing on custody ( I have full legal and physical with no visits for him) and it is DD's money. It is not to punish him, it is to give my DD what she is due.

4) NO, I do not talk to X, I never answer his letters (which come about 2-3 times a year) and I have made it clear to his family that I want NOTHING to do with him.

5)YES, I allow my X-ILs to see my daughter. They were given strict rules about pictures sharing and what they can talk to her about. I am present at every visit and she never stays overnight, but they are her grandparents and it is good for DD to know them. If it ever becomes a problem they know they will be cut off.

I can't believe people have the nerve to ask you if you knew.  Anyone who willingly gets into a relationship with someone who is a pedophile is probably also a pedophile.  Or a sick, twisted psycho.

It's harder for me about the picture sharing because BD's mom blasts any photo she loves all over her FB and asking her to tone it down a bit didn't get me anywhere.  Those are probably the only photos BD sees (since, obviously, he's on her friend list) but there are a bunch of pictures and updates I post that are hidden.  

MinnesotaMomma91

becwheat said:

lurchbaby said:

@AmandaRae529‌ I can tell you in my experience that the loneliness for companionship doesn't go away but it definitely changes once the baby is born. I found that while I still want it it seems less important for the first couple years because you have a tiny perfect baby to keep up with.

I also found not putting that stress of dating on myself helped me be more comfortable with my self and figure out what I want in a partner. I think @becwheat‌ felt similar for the first couple years.

TRUTH! 2 years single did so much for my self assurance and confidence. Best thing I could have done and in the end led me to the love of my life.

For those who do not know me, I an BecWheat. I was married and 8 months pregnant when the police came to my door to inform me that my husband had been arrested for soliciting a minor along with child pornography charges.

Let me get some questions out of the way: 

1) NO, I had no idea he was a pedophile (duh) and asking me this pisses me off cause I would never knowingly stay with a sicko. 

2) YES, I kicked him out ASAP. Changed the locks and he was not present for the birth of MY daughter.

3) YES, I filed for child support. It has no bearing on custody ( I have full legal and physical with no visits for him) and it is DD's money. It is not to punish him, it is to give my DD what she is due.

4) NO, I do not talk to X, I never answer his letters (which come about 2-3 times a year) and I have made it clear to his family that I want NOTHING to do with him.

5)YES, I allow my X-ILs to see my daughter. They were given strict rules about pictures sharing and what they can talk to her about. I am present at every visit and she never stays overnight, but they are her grandparents and it is good for DD to know them. If it ever becomes a problem they know they will be cut off.

The experience was obviously emotionally difficult and logistically challenging considering I lost 50% of my income overnight and was 1 month away from giving birth. I did my best. I worked hard. I got help from family, friends and professionals. I learned some tough lessons and I try to share these with others here on the board. Sometimes it can be hard to hear, but it is always said in an attempt to be helpful.

I called myself an "only" parent for 3.5 years since the biological father was not involved. I am now engaged to a wonderful man that has been a friend for 15 yrs and we are getting married this October  He lives with DD and I and DD made the decision to call him dad. We are lucky to have him and he knows he is lucky to have us too.

I despise the insensitive questions like that! The one i always get asked

Did you know bd was married when you hooked up with him? Yes, we were friends and whipe the smirk of your face judgey mcjudgey pants when him and i had sex him and a were seperated but no one knew they were reconciling.

Although i did just find out hed had sex with both of us the same day.

freeatlast2014

@MinnesotaMomma91‌ they are so fucking wrong. Shame on them!

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20thirteen

MinnesotaMomma91 said:

I despise the insensitive questions like that! The one i always get asked Did you know bd was married when you hooked up with him? Yes, we were friends and whipe the smirk of your face judgey mcjudgey pants when him and i had sex him and a were seperated but no one knew they were reconciling. Although i did just find out hed had sex with both of us the same day.

Dude, WTF?

MinnesotaMomma91

20thirteen said:

MinnesotaMomma91 said:

I despise the insensitive questions like that! The one i always get asked

Did you know bd was married when you hooked up with him? Yes, we were friends and whipe the smirk of your face judgey mcjudgey pants when him and i had sex him and a were seperated but no one knew they were reconciling.

Although i did just find out hed had sex with both of us the same day.

Dude, WTF?

Yeah, i wasnt really phased when i heard, and honestly it just grossed me out. But thats why ive got the man i have now.

@Becwheat i can understand the wanting to know signs

20thirteen

@ontherock2012  I fear that sometimes, too.  BD doesn't contact me, hasn't seen her in months, I worry that one day, he'll just show up expecting a relationship with her after being absent for most of her life.  I want her to have her own opinion of him, but I want that to start sooner rather than when she's like 14 years old.  If he doesn't want to be part of her life, fine, I don't relish the thought of having to see him ever again.  But if he just shows up one day like "I want to see my daughter", I'm not sure how I would deal with that. Or her.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Bookworm92 single parenting is definitley a case of never say never. Im glad you have a great friend who wants to take this journey with you.

I say this because everyone neds someone(friend, parent, cousin) who can be that support.

ShyLittleViolet

I'm 34 and I have a 19 month old daughter. I have been living with my parents since last October. My husband actually moved in here with us, but only stayed for about six weeks. He left after we discovered he had been smoking pot in the upstairs bathroom. My parents are super conservative, and I told him before we even moved in not to bring that stuff into my parents' house. He's been sleeping on couches for the last nine months, but apparently his freedom is better than having a family and a home. We officially broke up last month.

Looking back, our marriage seemed doomed from the beginning. Which is the total opposite of what I expected. We were so happy before we got married. We had been together for three years and I thought I knew him. I overlooked his marijuana use because it didn't have much of an effect on our lives. But then, he lost his job because of it, and that led to everything spiraling downward. We had been married three months at that time. He didn't find another job for a year, and I became pregnant during that time.

While he was unemployed, he started posting Craigslist ads in the personal section. He was getting naked pictures of girls sent to his inbox. I found them, while I was looking for an email from our apartment manager, and confronted him. He swore someone must have hacked his account. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

After our daughter was born, he seemed distant and became increasingly moody and short tempered with me. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with him. So one day, while he was at a friend's, I snooped. I looked at his Facebook, emails, Craigslist, etc. and found that he was flirting with an old coworker, still posting personals on Craigslist, and had joined groups for married people looking for hookups. I was devastated. That began our year-long breakup. I didn't have the courage to leave him then, but after moving in with my parents I knew it had to be done.

I had been questioning whether I had done the right thing by breaking up with him. The other day, we went to dinner together after he had spent the day with DD. We got into a disagreement, and he became violent. He didn't do anything to me or DD, but I was scared. That reaffirmed my faith in the decision I had made. I know I'm making the right choice for me, but more importantly, my daughter.

freeatlast2014

Wow @ShyLittleViolet‌ we have a lot of similarities. You did the right thing. For you and your LO. Don't ever forget that!

MinnesotaMomma91

@Shylittleviolet welcome to.the.board,.hope we can provide tge support you will need going forward as a single parent

starrdiva211

The Ex-Fiance and I had been together for 3 and a half years total at the time of the final break-up. During the course of our relationship, we had broken up and gotten together many times. I thought during the the winter of 2012, we had FINANLLY worked out the big bulk of our issues and a month later, I became pregnant. We were good, on top of the world... Preparing to move in together, got engaged...

...then my pregnancy took a turn and became not normal. The stress of work was weighing me down, he was an over the road truck driver our relationship took a turn. Then, our son was born 11 weeks early and was in the NICU for almost two months. The relationship just kept going down hill. 2013 was a hell of a year (in a bad way). Finally in March of 2014, he moved out. The worst feeling in the world was coming home every night after a 12 hour day and seeing stuff missing each day. *sigh*

I am slowly getting over it but it is hard when there are still underlying feelings there for both of us. I have slowly stopped taking all of the blame off of myself and have told him he has to take some responsibilty for what happen between us. Too much was thrown on us at once and we just couldnt handle it.

Now there have been times where my ex has just been a mean ass-hole when it comes to his lack of support (both time wise with out special needs son and financial) but I think we are getting better. It is just more about me opening my mouth.

septmom11

I don't post often but have been on this board since before dd was born.  MY DD just turned 3 yrs old!!  ill try to make this as short as possible

BD and I were together 3 yrs, very rocky and abusive relationship.  I had moved out of the apartment and back home when I found out I was pregnant.  Once I told him he cut all contact with me leaving the decision on whether to keep the baby or not squarely on my shoulders.  I could not emotionally go through the abortion and set off to be a single mom hoping my BD would have a change of heart.

5-6 months into my pregnancy with limited contact from BD I find out that he had been cheating on me and had ANOTHER girl pregnant who was due 2 months before me.  my pregnancy was very stressful and not enjoyable at all.  He was not present for the birth nor did he try to meet DD after.  I filed for CS and he demanded a dna test.  the first time he met his baby girl was during a DNA swab in the court house!

IN the past 3 years BD has seen DD maybe 6-7 times.  he never pays child support and currently owes in the 10s of thousands.  I work full time and parent my child solo.  it was rough in the beginning but as of right now I have never been in a better place.  I have a good job that pays the bills, money in the bank, a happy healthy dd and we just moved into our very own condo.  I now also have a very supportive new BF.

as for BD his life is still in the dumps and he has nobody to blame but HIMSELF!

sorry got a little long I haven't shared my story in a long time!!

designchica

Hi everyone.  This thread is a great idea and it nice to have one spot to go read everyone's story about how they became a single mom.  THanks to the OP for creating this topic. 

I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my first child.  The father of my baby and I met in December and we fell in love quickly and made the mistake of rushing into things, starting talking about marriage and having a baby very quickly.    I am 38 and really wanted to have a baby, so when he suggested we have a baby, I admit that it seemed like a dream come true.  So we started trying and I honestly thought it would take at least a year and that we would need to go to a fertility doctor because I have PCOS and endometriosis, I am 38 and he is 58.  But to my surprise I became pregnant in 7 days after we started trying. 

About a week after we found out I was pregnant, BD asked me to have an abortion.  I couldn't do that, and moved forward with the pregnancy.  He came back around and we tried to make it work, but he broke up with me six times in a four month period.   He cancelled every trip we ever planned together, left me almost any time we had a disagreement and he didn't get his way about something, and behaved in ways that were a bit crazy, to be honest.   Had we not been pregnant, I would have ended this relationship in April.  Looking back, I should have never spoken to him again after he told me to have an abortion.  I saw his true character then, and I would have had a much more peaceful pregnancy had I ended the relationship immediately. 

But, being pregnant, I felt compelled to try to make it work with him.  I do truly have feelings of love for him, but he has made this pregnancy incredibly stressful for me and has behaved in very selfish and emotionally abusive ways.   I did managed to get him to go to couples counseling, but  continued to drop of out of it and eventually refused to go altogether. 

Then, as we were preparing to get married next month in Hawaii, I discovered he had kept one of his marriages hidden from me.  He had told me he was married once, many years ago.  Turns out there was another wife.....and then a third ex wife emerged, along with two domestic violence charges.  This guy had lied about huge chunks of his life! I was shocked, scared. confused, hurt. 

The lies he told me left me feeling very concerned about marrying him, but it was really his lack of remorse and that he blamed me for his lies and then accused me of having no empathy for him or compassion for his "need to lie" because he was "ashamed of his past" that led me to end the relationship.  He actually blamed me!! and wanted sympathy! It was just bizarre.  There were a few other things as well, mostly behavior that was psychologically abusive and there were all kinds of alarms going off in my head about this guy.  I think he is a sociopath or perhaps narcissitic personality disorder, I'm not sure.  Regardless of what it is, I don't want any part of it.   It is too crazy for the kind of life I want for myself, and I don't want this in my life. So I had the locks changed and kicked him out. 

Being a single mom is not what I wanted, but I feel it is best for me and for my child.  I know that I cannot thrive in a relationship with this man.  It really was starting to feel like a nightmare, and I am genuinely afraid of what he is capable of.  I think he has some serious psychological problems that I do not want to take on.  I hate that I have to deal with him for the next 19 years.  And despite all of this, I do still love him and I am grieving the loss of the relationship.  I genuinely love him, but he has a sickness that is beyond anything I can deal with.  For my own peace of mine and well-being, I have to walk away from this, even if it means having a broken heart for a little while. 

So, its going to be me and my little boy. He is due December 27th.  I have no idea how involved the father is going to be.  He is very irresponsible and doesn't follow through on much and is terribly unreliable, so I am worried he is going to break my son's heart, just like he broke mine time and time again.   I feel so protective over my little bean and I don't want him to be hurt by his daddy and I'm just hoping that BD comes through and actually steps up and shows some responsiblity, but I'm not holding my breath. 

anyway, its good to be here and I look forward to getting to know you all better. 

LongIslandMama1114

@designchica I am so sorry for all you've been through. Welcome to the board.

Ndm410

I'm new here. I have a 10 yo dd. My xh and I divorced when she was 5 months. We have an awesome relationship and he has remarried and has a son. We even do holidays together sometimes so things are as normal as possible for dd.

What brings me here now is the rest of my story. A little over 5 years ago I met and fell in love with the love of my life. Although we weren't married, we were absolutely life partners for the long haul and a few months ago we began ttc. I am almost 10 weeks pregnant now and earlier this week he died of heart failure while out of town for a business meeting. The next day I had to go to our first ultrasound without him. He was very excited about the baby which was his first. I just can't imagine that he's gone and that he won't be here to hold his sweet baby when it's born, not to mention all the rest. I have received an overwhelming amount of support from friends and family but I'm totally devastated. Now I will be a single mom to two kids and that wasn't the plan. I'm heartbroken and I miss him with every piece of me. Dd is also very sad.

This board seems to be filled with strong women who are making things work. I hope to follow in your footsteps.

MinnesotaMomma91

@Ndm410, im also very sorry for your loss.

You will be an awesome strong single mom. And even though your partner is no longer physically with you, remember you have a piece of him inside you

Ndm410

@MinnesotaMomma91‌
@lurchbaby‌
Thank you both.

freeatlast2014

@Ndm410‌ welcome to our board. I am so so sorry this had happened. I hope we can be support that you need on this journey.

LongIslandMama1114

@Ndm410 I am so very sorry for your loss. We're here for you

20thirteen

@ndm410  That's so sad, I'm so sorry for your loss. Creepy internet hugs your way.  Welcome to the board

jemma1882

Hi ladies, I'm 32 and 34 weeks pregnant. My story is I had been single and dating for awhile before getting pregnant. BD was one I had gone out with a few times, we had our fling thing on our last date and here I am. I didn't plan this, but didn't do everything I could've to prevent it. I knew I wanted to be a mom someday, but I didn't picture it happening like this.Thats something I can say that about a lot of things in my life.
BD was not someone I could picture myself with long term, but regardless of that I hoped we could come to some common ground for DD. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I decided early on that if I had to do this myself I would, I wasn't going to depend on him for anything. I was and still am more than ok with that fact, and after finding out he has another child he doesn't take care of, I didnt expect anything.
Even with that said.. I have been so happy about becoming a mom my whole pregnancy the "single" part doesn't bother or worry me. My #1 priority is doing all that I can be the best mom I can be and provide everything she needs. I'm blessed to be surrounded by supportive family and friends.. even a few that are expecting or have recently had their babies.
I know being a single mom will be anything but easy, but I'm not afraid. I have my concerns, but I remind myself I always have absolutely everything I need. I'm more focused on all of the joy, happiness, and the new adventure I'm embarking on.. and I'm not doing it alone... I may not have a significant other but I have so many people in my life that love us both.

jellybean529

Hahaha -- we should retitle this "The Great Thread of Intros"

Welcome to all the newbies! I really hope you stick around

@ndm410 I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort and keep his memory alive for your little one. 

@jemma1882 It won't be easy, but it will be worth it You have a great attitude, your baby is a lucky kiddo! If you can, get child support, even if you don't need it (use it to set up a college fund or something to that effect). 

You both are going to do great!

jemma1882

Thanks for the welcome I'm happy I found this group. The more support we have the better. Stay strong ladies and remember we're not alone!