Separate birthday parties?

destinycochran1

Hi, I'm looking for some input or suggestions from other single parents here.

My DD's dad and I have not been together since I was pregnant and after some initial conflicts between us, we have been getting along well. He takes her for a few hours a few days a week and comes to her doctor check ups etc so he is a regular part of her life.

Her first birthday will be coming up in October and her dad approached me recently with the idea of having two completely separate parties for her. One with me and my family/friends, one with him and his family/friends. He doesn't come to my party, I don't come to his.

My fear is that if this becomes the norm it will affect my DD negatively as she gets older, like she'll think we don't love her enough to set aside our differences for a couple of hours to celebrate her or something. Personally, I think we should have one big birthday party, awkward or not.

So to any of the single parents that have the other parent in your child's life, how do you handle birthday parties with the other parent, separate or together?

lmtrmama

My daughter is 5 and I have always had a birthday party for her.  Her father either shows up or brings her a present another day,  or this year he had a cake for her at his house.  I prefer the separate parties, and my daughter doesn't seem to care much.  

Did he actually say "he doesn't come to my party, I don't come to his"? or was that something that you assumed?  My ex is always welcome to come to our party although he usually does not.

destinycochran1

He said "We have our own parties and don't come to each others". I don't know like the idea of not being invited to my daughter's birthday party, even if I'm throwing her one too but I am more concerned with how she'll feel about.

20thirteen

I was a child of divorce and this is how my parents handled it.  It's actually more stressful as a grown up than it was as a kid.  Because now for holidays I have my dad's side maybe in the morning or night before and my mom's side in the evening or day of/after.  Now with my BF, I have to fit his family in there as well. And what is most difficult is that my dad's side lives about 45 mins away in one direction and my mom's side live 20 min away in the complete opposite direction.  BF's parents live toward my mom's family's part of town, but off to the side a bit, enough to make the travel just unbearable.

Two separate parties, to me at least, just meant that my mom loved me enough to celebrate with me and my dad loved me enough to celebrate with me.  It sucked a little that they couldn't have one big party (but, let's face it, I've always hated people so two small parties was perfect), but I also knew they wanted everything to be as civil as possible, which meant neither attend the other's party.  I hope that made sense.

20thirteen

I should mention that my BD hasn't celebrated my DD's first birthday, at least not to my knowledge. He hasn't talked to me in 2mo.

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freeatlast2014

I have no intention of ever having 1 big party.

What kid wouldn't want 2 bashes?!? Just sayin'

FinallyHappy84

I agree that if he doesn't want to, just roll with it. Overall it'll be a much better experience for DD and you if he's being insistent and you can actually enjoy the day when you have your party with your loved ones.

destinycochran1

Thanks everyone for your input. I guess we'll do two parties for now, my dd will probably love that anyways (twice the cake!). But i'll still hope that one day we'll be able to have one big party