Had a rough day yesterday (warning, PgAL mentioned)

erinel · August 2014

We had our NT scan yesterday, everything seemed to look great, so that was a relief. We saw our rainbow baby jumping and flipping, and in some ways it made me happy, but it also just made me miss our son. I always miss him, but yesterday was just an even bigger reminder to everything we have lost.

I had several crying episodes yesterday, and ended up skipping out on some plans we had last night, it was just too hard to go out. It's only been 7 months since Q was born, and 6 months since he passed away, so everything is still very fresh. I kind of feel bad for this new baby, because I can't seem to be as excited about anything, I always miss our son. Don't get me wrong, this baby is very wanted and loved, I guess I just have a different view of things since losing a baby.

jonahsma · August 2014

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...((hugs))

It feels like we are robbed of the excitement of a new baby and we can't enjoy the beautiful moments that come along with pregnancy. It's so unfair. I think we automatically put our shields up to protect our hearts. It is hard to get excited because we don't want to have to go through losing another child. PGAL is very hard and most people don't understand that being PGAL doesn't mean that we are "over it". No matter how many children we have they will never replace our Angel babies. I remember feeling this way at the beginning of this pregnancy and not a day goes by that I don't think or miss Emily terribly. Don't feel bad for feeling like you do, I think it's normal. It's one of the many things you will go through on this new journey. Pm me anytime .

stefuge · August 2014

I don't have any experience with PGAL but I would imagine that what you are feeling is totally normal! Also, glad to hear your NT scan went well! That is great news!

ikrystal · August 2014

jonahsma said:

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way...((hugs))
It feels like we are robbed of the excitement of a new baby and we can't enjoy the beautiful moments that come along with pregnancy. It's so unfair. I think we automatically put our shields up to protect our hearts. It is hard to get excited because we don't want to have to go through losing another child. PGAL is very hard and most people don't understand that being PGAL doesn't mean that we are "over it". No matter how many children we have they will never replace our Angel babies. I remember feeling this way at the beginning of this pregnancy and not a day goes by that I don't think or miss Emily terribly. Don't feel bad for feeling like you do, I think it's normal. It's one of the many things you will go through on this new journey. Pm me anytime .

**ticker warning**

This exactly. I am so sorry you feel this way. Unfortunately it's just what we have been handed and we can't change how we feel. This pregnancy is the biggest reminder of what I have lost with my boys. When I feel the need to cry, I cry, and when I want to be angry, I get angry. Be kind to yourself and let yourself feel how you need to feel. I understand feeling guilty at times because it almost seems like feeling upset is the same as not being happy about this baby, but that is not true. It is possible to love the baby you are pregnant with now and grieve your loss. Big hugs.

Mel&John2013 · August 2014

*********siggy warning*****

I'm so sorry you had a rough day. You are not alone. It's just so hard because we'll never be the way we were before. We'll never be the same excited, happy moms. Excited and happy in a different way perhaps, but not in the way we were before, or the way you expect to feel while you're pregnant. It's like it's happy with a side of sad. That's how I feel anyway. I'm happy about the new baby, but always, always missing my Lincoln.

shandorfml2 · August 2014

***siggy

(((hugs))). I get it, and have had that pang already of missing Ana. It's almost like..my womb is "her" place. Make sense? I'm journaling, which I think will help me bond with this baby. PgAL is so bittersweet.

kflynn81 · August 2014

I'm right there with you. I feel like every week that goes by I miss Jack more and more. The ultrasound techs are always so happy and chipper showing me this baby and I have a hard time even looking at the screen because I'm so afraid of everything about being pregnant again.