Giving first born a sib?

mere2005

I was talking to a coworker the other day. She has a 5-year-old DS and a 7-month-old DS. She pretty much told me that she had her second kid to give her first born a sibling. The coworker said that she was fine with having an only. From her stories, it sounds like her DH was fine with a only as well. The coworker does come from a family of 5 sisters, so I understand that big family influence. To each their own, but I can't imagine planning to have another kid if it wasn't 100% what I wanted to do I struggle with this too a lot, but am defintally not ready to just throw caution to the wind because I certainly don't feel it in my heart.

Myaflowers

I'm a first born and remember being devastated when my sister was born. You go from being the center of your parents' world to feeling like you have been 'replaced.' I was barely 3 when my sister was born. Older children probably understand it better. This is actually a pretty common thing for oldest children to feel this way. I'm a child therapist and see it often. 

Bottom line for me...even if DD asks for a sibling at some point, she will have no idea what it would be like, and it may not turn out to be a good thing for her. 

mere2005

I guess I forgot to mention that the coworker is the oldest of 5 girls. You're right, that would be quite an influence! I don't know if her first born DS asked for a little brother or sister or not. He kind of likes doing his own thing. LOL.

mere2005

lildis said:

This sounds like outside influence or an "oops" to me.

She told me the first one was an oops. The second one was planned. At the end of the day, it's not really any of my biz, but it did get me to thinking!

dmlk413

I don't understand how having a child you don't really want is a 'gift' to your first child. 

Helenahhandbasket

I think this happens to a lot of people and it's really unfortunate.

 

Helenahhandbasket

themommymonster said:

My mom lays the guilt on me all the time that DS will be alone if DP and I die. Uh, no. He has aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins all who we are very close with. He will not be alone.

Right?  And he will have the family he picks-- his friends.

As someone that is not close to any of her 4 sibs (or parents, for that matter), this particularly irks me!

kristennd

It's impossible to predict how the kids will react. My mother's older sister never got over not being an only child any longer. They even caught her lifting a brick over the crib. But when my brother came along, I thought he was the greatest toy ever.

hopefulmom81

Okay, so I will play devil's advocate...

Siblinghood is part of having another right?  I mean, if you have #2, he or she WILL be a sibling to your first, so that relationship has to be a part of the consideration to have another, imo.

I think it is totally goofy to "give #1 a sibling", but I do think that sometimes as OADers we go too far in saying that it is 100% wrong to consider the sibling relationship as a really important factor to consider when having another.

Just how we think it isn't necessary, many people think it is a large part of life, so I think we need to come somewhere in the middle and acknowledge there is truth to both sides.  Both truths are personal truths, if that makes sense.