Parenting Check-In (August 18th)

Jazibel

Good Morning Everyone,

How was your weekend? Any new accomplishments, challenges or successes?

QOTD:  How do you deal with the stresses of parenting?

Parenting Roster:

(Please let me know if you would like to be added)

@KH826 – Will born 6/4/14

 

@ATXmommas – Sebastian (“Ash”) born 11/21/13, other Momma is Z

 

@Wallace323 – J and L born 8/8/13, surviving triplets born at 31 weeks

 

@Trisholio – Proud foster parents to M born 2/6/12 and K born 8/22/13; and pregnant expecting a third daughter in September 2014.

 

@JGY – Gabe born 3/24/13, other Mama is S.

 

@Stringy813 – M born May 2013

 

@Filmfanatic82 – Charley born 3/15/14

 

@Mamosry – R born 2/25/14

 

@2brides – G & C born 5/18/06, other Mom is L

 

@Jrtmom – Henry born 8/15/13, other mama is L

 

@Sarahtrpt – C born February 2014

 

@CageyMack – W born 3/16/13

 

@Themommymonster – C (DS) born 2/18/09

 

@Clairmeij – Alarico born 6/28/13, other mama is V

 

@Mystjava – Little Bear (LB) born 3/31/10, other Mummum is Shawn

 

@winstan1 – J (DS) born 9/10 (currently 3.5 years old)

 

@newmompeanut – N (DD) born 2/12/13, other Momma is B

 

@herbabymam – C (DD) born 12/10/13, other Mama is K

 

@AmandaG47 – Twin girls born 2/22/14, other Mommy is J

 

@mwagner25 – Oliver born 11/27/13, other parent is L

 

@jazibel – Kaden born 7/13/12 and Owen born 5/2/14, other parent (Aya) is EV

 

@redrockmama – M born 6/19/14, other Mama is J

@ball.and.chain – B born 6/28/14

@Flygirl1228 – Twins 7/25/14

ATXmommas

LO will be 9 months on Thursday! We have his 9 month well check that same day, so I'll probably update with stats then. My boy started off as such a peanut, but he has quite the Buddha belly going on these days! He's still a bit smaller than the other boys his same age at day care, but he's definitely a happy, healthy, and thriving kiddo.

And, we have teeth! Those top teeth are barely there, but are there nonetheless. Hallelujah! His teacher at day care said she saw three teeth up top, but he won't let me look in his mouth long enough to find the third.

Other 9 month tidbits - eating 3 small meals a day, and getting milk about 7-8 times a day (during the week, he's nursing 4-5x/day and has bottles 3x/day). He's wearing 9 month pjs and bottoms, but fits better in 12 month tops. He's taking steps while holding onto our hands, but I don't think he's as close to walking as some people think he is. He's a handful, but overall a very easy going kid.

Blooper of the week: I let Ash have naked time in his crib for about 90 seconds after I cleaned a poopy diaper. Z was preparing the tub for him and I went to brush my teeth. I yelled to Z through the bathroom door that he was naked in his crib and I hoped he didn't pee. She told me she hoped he didn't poop. He pooped. Yech. At least he wasn't alone long enough to make a total mess. When will I learn?!?!

My big update this week is BF related. Despite a tough start and questionable supply issues in the beginning, I've been really fortunate to have had such a positive experience and I've grown confident that my supply is exactly what my baby needs. But, pumping, for some reason, is becoming more hit or miss.

For example, last Tuesday was awesome - I was able to pump 4oz in 10 minutes and I was feeling super stoked because I normally have to pump the full 20 minutes to get 3.5-4oz. But on Wednesday and Thursday, I pumped the full 20 minutes, then hand expressed for several more minutes, and still didn't express enough for three bottles. I know my supply didn't tank overnight, so it is extremely frustrating. I even left work early on Thursday to run to the store to buy new valves for my pump and pick LO up early so that I could nurse him and save one of his bottles for the next day. Friday was a little better, but I was still short a couple of ounces.

All this led me to seriously consider whether I should start supplementing with one bottle of formula a day during the week. I could probably make it work to stay exclusively with breast milk, but not without a considerable amount of stress. Although some days my output is great, I am constantly stressed and nervous about having a bad pump day. I only have three more months of pumping, but that feels like a long time to me right now. And I just don't want to continue to feel stressed over the next few months.

It's a big decision and a huge emotional step for me because it's, 1) adjusting an ideal that I have for Ash's first year, and 2) a step closer to weaning, which I'm already feeling anxious about. I'm trying to cut myself some slack and think about what tender words I would have for another mother facing the same decision. I would tell that mother that her self worth and love for her child aren't measured in ounces and that her health and mental well-being should be of paramount importance. Why are we such harsher judges of ourselves than we would ever be to other people?

Anyhow, I hadn't even talked to Z about what I was thinking before I talked to my mommy friend - she's the one I met through my child birth class and later my postpartum mom's group. We have become incredibly close and have been a huge support to each other over the past nine months (her baby is two days older than Ash). I was talking to her about exactly what I just wrote here and she so very graciously offered to pump for Ash. She is a stay at home mom with plenty of milk, but I was still floored at such a gracious and selfless offer.

So, we're going to give it a try. It doesn't change my feelings about #1 and #2 above (supplementing is supplementing), but it does save us the expense of formula and save us the adjustment for Ash.

I debated a bit on whether to add this part because I don't want anyone to feel that the decisions we've made for are family are a projection of what I think is "right" or "wrong" for other families. I've never shied away from being open and honest about my experiences, though, and don't want to stop now. And I think after some of the recent discussions we've had on this thread, we all realize that we're doing the best we know how for our individual families and there are as many "right" choices as there are families and I'm happy to be part of a community of wonderful parents that I can learn from and lean on. Oh, look at me getting all sappy today. ;;)

QOTD: A little wine here and there never hurt nobody. I kid. Sort of. Honestly, sharing my experiences and struggles with all of you and with my mommy friends IRL does wonders for me. It doesn't eliminate daily stresses (like our house never being big enough or clean enough), but it does my soul good to connect with other parents.

And a little bit of fun on this Monday morning...

KH826

@ATXMommas - You rock. Seriously. I know you and Z did not come to the decision to supplement with donor BM lightly. You are absolutely right that you have to do what feels right for you and your family -- not anyone else's. Good for you for taking this step and cutting yourself the slack to accept the help offered to you by a dear friend. I am always so impressed and touched by the way you talk about parenting and your parenting decisions. I have no doubt Ash is going to grow up to be one super awesome human!

I will be back later when I have more time to post my own update!

KH826

Will turns 11 weeks on Wednesday! It is hard to believe that he is getting close to 3 months already. At the same time, though, it feels like he has been a part of our lives forever. It is kind of crazy!

Nothing super noteworthy to report this week. He continues to smile and “talk” to us more and more every day. He jibber jabbers to himself a lot, and it is one of my favorite things. Since he “found his thumb” a few weeks ago and started sucking it for comfort, he pretty much lost all interest in his binky. We haven’t used it once is almost 2 weeks. He loves bath time, and has started splashing and getting us all wet when we bathe him. He loves it and just smiles from ear to ear.

Tummy time continues to be hit or miss, but I think that has more to do with the times we are choosing to put him down on his tummy than anything else. If he is too tired, he just doesn’t have any interest and will put his head down and just snooze. If he is starting to get hungry, he will just kick his legs and fuss. But, if we hit the time window just right, he will hold his little head up and look all over the place for a while and be perfectly content. He rocks back and forth a lot, and lately likes to scoot his legs up under him and stick his bum in the air.

Will has always been a good sleeper (we are very lucky), and his still is, but the last 2 nights he has gotten up one time in the middle of the night each night after about 6 hours. He wasn’t doing that before, and maybe it is just a fluke the last couple of days… but it also might be related to some developmental milestones that are approaching I am thinking… at any rate, I am so NOT complaining. He is such a good baby. My wife and I often joke that #2 is probably going to be super difficult, because it isn’t possible for us to hit the lottery twice with super easy-going babies.

QOTW: So, at first I was going to say “I don’t feel like I have been a parent long enough to answer this question” … then I thought a little bit and decided that I have had plenty of stressful parenting situations already in just 11 weeks. First we had the “surprise, Lucie is a William,” followed by the “Surprise your baby is going to be in the NICU for the first 5 days of life,” then there was the week we spent at Children’s Hospital from 4wk-5wk due to an infection. Oh, and how dare I forget “Breastfeeding-gate 2014” – ugh I was a mess for the first 3 weeks waiting, praying, pumping, crying, and doing everything necessary to make my milk come in. And it never did. OK, so we have had a little stress… but honestly it doesn’t feel like it has been stressful at all when I live in the moment and just think about right now. Being Will’s Momma is the BEST job I have ever had, and he is just delightful and amazing, and life just feels like it is supposed to be this way. I feel like my wife and I are just better people with him and because of him. It honestly doesn’t feel hard. I know that sounds ridiculous, and there are probably several people that want to kick me for that statement, but it is the honest truth. I have known hard and stressful situations in life, and this so far just isn’t one of them. I KNOW that we will have stress ahead of us, and I know it won’t always feel easy, but right now we are truly in what I like to call the “Baby Honeymoon Phase.”

Karlamo

@ATXmommas‌, why do we have such hang ups with how we feed our babies? I wonder if moms in other cultures feel the way we do. I bet now that you're not constantly stressed, you'll be a pumping machine:)

@stringy813‌, sending her to a relatives for 2 days is a GREAT idea. I love that you stayed home and didn't add travel stress to your weekend. I may have to steal this idea in the future.

In our neck of the woods we started sleep training on Friday night. We chose Dr. Ferber after reading his book. It went very well and made us realize 2 things.
One, we NEVER let R cry. Like at all. We both realized that we scoop him up in 20 sec or less anytime he fusses/cries. I think this was healthy and nessesary at the beginning but at 6 months the kid can cry and it won't hurt him.
Two, R can soothe himself very quickly. We envisioned him crying for an hour and us freaking out. Instead he cried for 3-5min then fell asleep. We were stunned and a little sheepish that we never let him cry long enough to figure this out sooner.
He does still eat twice in MOTN and only sleeps in 4 hour stretches but that's a heck of a lot better than nursing 8 times a night and sleeping
2-3 hours which is what promoted us to do some baby boot camp! One day he'll sleep 6-7 hours..... I hope [-O<

QOTW: Wine and running! It's nice to do these things and have some normalcy in our lives. We're also a great team and are both very conscientious that the other mom gets a break and doesn't do too much.

Jazibel

....whooops forgot to hit "post" :-P

@ATXMommas - I've really appreciated your candor in talking about your breastfeeding journey. And I've learned a lot from the experiences, tips and tools you've shared. I totally understand that this is tough decision and think its so great that you've found next steps that work for you and your family. We used donated BM for Kaden when I took an out of town trip and he took it it just fine.  EV said he took the bottle, scrunched his face for a second (as in hmmm this is different) but happily drank it down.  Good luck to you all.

@Stringy813 - I'm so impressed with M's attention span at just 1 years old :-)  Also a whole kid-free weekend!!! Sounds delightful.

@KH826 - I hope your "Baby Honeymoon" lasts a lifetime. And it sounds like it just might. I like how you described that there have been stressful situations, but that the overall job of parenting feels like it is meant to be. I can totally relate.

We had a tough weekend. Kaden came down with a cold.  I should have guessed something was awry on Saturday morning when my usual sweet but energetic kid turned into a little monster. It was so bad that EV turned to me and said "Uh I forgot I have to go in the office...."  I decided to take the kids to our indoor play place with the Grandparents and give EV some alone time. We had a great afternoon, Kaden had a lot of fun playing, and Owen napped off an on. We even met EV for frozen yogurt afterward. Well... That night Kaden didn't go to sleep until after 2am.  EV ended up taking the 12:30am - 2am shift thank goodness because I was so exhausted.  He was definitely getting sick and by Sunday had a really runny nose, etc.   Last night was tough but not as bad. And we took naps on Sunday.  I struggle a little because it seems as soon as one of the boys goes down for a nap, or eats, etc. the other needs something. For instance, after almost two hours trying to get Kaden to nap, him throwing up, needing a bath, etc.  I finally lay down. Owen wakes up.  It's like they're in cahoots. ;-)  I did lay down with Owen in our bed and get my first nap in months. It was amazing.

Today everyone seems to be doing better which is really nice. And after a rough morning I have a few minutes of near silence as Owen sleeps in the swing and Kaden plays outside.  Developmentally Kaden is talking more and more using his little sentences. I was surprised to hear that he doesn't talk much in playcare because he talks non-stop with us.  Owen loved playing with his toys, grabbing and sucking on them, cuddles, laughing, eating, sleeping and making diapers. We really lucked out on #2. 

For the first time since I started our TTC process years ago I felt complete with our family. Sometime last week - I was walking up the stairs putting Kaden down for a nap and I felt like everything was just as it should be.  EV joked to my parents yesterday about my always pushing for #3, and hey that still might happen. But I think if we decide our boys are enough I will be 100% fine with that.  I have felt this way ever since last week, and its a good feeling.  

QOTD:  I've been struggling getting "me" time in.  EV offers every now and again but I always seem to come up with something else to do, etc.  I really need to get away for a couple of hours this week to read a book or something.  I do have their naptime when it overlaps but its not quite the same as being "off duty".  

JGY

I'll have to come back later to do my update, but oh my god @flygirl1228 I'm SO SORRY to hear about your accident!  I truly do hope that you are okay, without anything more serious to be uncovered (not to minimize how much pain you must be in right now)!  Please accept any and all help that might be offered to you and Ally, and take care of yourself!

 

Filmfanatic82

Charley turned five months on Friday and we are in full blown teething mode.  Everything at the moment is doubling as a teething ring including our poor dog Frisbee.  Thank god he is so patient with her, even when she attempts to eat his ears. No sign of teeth yet but given the amount of drool they should be appearing within the next few weeks (fingers crossed).

QOTD: I've definitely had a few stressful days adjusting to being a SAHM over the last few months. I was a nanny for years, but it's quite a bit different when it's your own child. Usually if it's been a trying day I try to add in an extra long walk or an extra 20-30 mins to my daily exercise routine. Exercise has always been my go to in order to relieve stress and I've found the extra endorphines help me power through those more trying moments.

Jazibel

@Flygirl1228 - Oh NO!!! How scary. I'm glad to hear that you're okay.  Is there anyway I can help?

KH826

@flygirl1228 - Oh my goodness! I am so very sorry to hear about your accident. I hope that you are OK and that you will be on the mend very soon. It is never a good time for such things, but this is exceptionally bad timing for you having newborn twins at home. I am Sooooo sorry! I will be thinking of you. Keep us posted on your recovery. Hugs!

redrockmama

@flygirl1228 I'm so sorry, but so glad you are okay. I'm glad to hear about the twins getting enough to eat. I'd be pretty upset and possibly looking for another dr. I don't think medical folks understand how difficult some of the things they ask their patients to do really are, physically and emotionally. I hope things get better for you all soon and that you have other people to help out while you rest and heal.

ATXMommas How great to have such a wonderful friend who can give you and Ash such a wonderful gift.

M is 8 weeks now and I have to go back to work tomorrow. I don't even know how I'm going to be able to leave the house, but I hope it's only temporary. The nanny spend about an 1 1/2 with M alone yesterday. It was the first time I've ever been away from him and I hated every second of it. M seemed to do okay, but I am not super excited about someone else spending all day with him instead of me. We have a plan for me to stay home, I just hope it works...it's going to require a ton of work on my end. 

He is also growing so fast. He was miserable and crying 90% of the time last week. I think  it might have been part just his temperment and part growth spurt. He all of a sudden doesn't fit in any of his newborn clothes anymore and feels like he gained a pound. He is smiling a lot more and it's the cutest thing ever.

 It was my grandma's 80th birthday party on Saturday and she was so proud to show him off to all her friends, it was adorable. I love that she loves him so much. She's a pretty conservative Mormon, so it's all been quite a surprise to me. We took him on his first little hike, to the spot of our first date and where I proposed to J. I think he liked it. I'll have to see if I got any good pics for Thursday. 

QOTW: I don't really. I've always been a pretty good stress avoider, if there is such a thing. I don't get stressed easily, which is good because J is a stress maniac. We balance each other out pretty well. His constant crying and fussiness is stressful at times though and I honestly have regreted on multiple occasions that J didn't induce lactation. She even said today that she wants me to breastfeed the baby she carries instead of her. AHHH! It will never end haha. Back to the question...I've taken a bath once or twice, that always helps, also lots of walks,especially when he wont' stop crying. The biggest stress has been going back to work and to deal with that I've tried to come up with a way that I can stay home instead of work outside the home. Oh and can't forget ice cream and beer, they always help.

ATXmommas

Y'all are the best!

@Flygirl1228‌ - I'm so sorry to hear about your accident. That is so terrifying and must be so very tough with two newborns at home. So thankful they weren't in the car with you. And, I agree with @redrockmama‌ about what the pedi asked you to do to "fatten them up." If I recall they were both over 6lbs, which doesn't seen to warrant such extremes (in my non-medical opinion).

@Jazibel‌ - I'm sorry you had a rough weekend. I hope everyone is in top top shape soon!

Mystjava

Hi everyone!  I haven't been m.i.a.. just lurking and frustrated because I cannot type on my tablet (android) when I want to post or respond to someone's posting.  It has been an interesting two weeks for us (I think it was two or three weeks ago when I last posted in parenting).  We're currently working on LB's attitude.  Yes, he does have an attitude that I don't catch, but my DP does.  I don't hear it, but she knows it.  He will say "all right" with a certain tone or make some kind of command.  Other times he is just plain S-born! or very determined to do things his way.. not what I expected from an Aries! 

I can answer the QOTW, I do have stress triggers and I have often found myself yelling at LB.  I don't mean it, but I am slowly finding new ways to deal with it.  It is mostly at night when I am exhausted and tired that my "buttons" get pushed too much. 

 There has been a few times that I have asked him to go into another room, away from me, so I could cool down without losing it.  There has been time when I've taken a walk by myself, LB would stay with my DP.   More importantly, I've learn to go with the flow and sometimes let LB take the lead.  Just to keep peace in the home. Other times, redirecting him to a different activity works so you can have a moment or two to "de-stress".... 

Parenting is a tough job and I agree, I won't change it for anything.  It is my favorite job!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

 

Karlamo

@redrockmama‌. My R was fussy/crying all the time. We would spend our entire day calming him. It was exhausting to say the least.
We came across a concept called high needs baby. There are 12 categories and R fit 10 of them! Dr Sears is the author of the fussy baby book which goes into detail about how to handle a high needs baby. I'm not sure if this what you mean for M but thought I'd throw it out there

trisholio

Flygirl1228 I am so sorry to hear about your car accident.  I am sure that things are rough right now, but I am so thankful it wasn't worse.  Do your best to try and take care of yourself and those little bundles of joy also.  You are in my thoughts and prayers! 

ATXmommas I appreciate your honesty and struggles about breastfeeding.  I have been told multiple times how hard breastfeeding is and my midwife recommended taking a class.  I feel like I have learned so much from you and so many others on here, I haven't taken a class and I doubt I will have time.  

Let me see, updates on the girls.  K is turning 1 on Friday and I can't believe she isn't a little baby anymore.  She is walking, talking, blowing kisses, climbing stairs and turning into a little girl and not a baby anymore.  We celebrated her birthday with friends and family yesterday at my moms house.  It was really fun and she was adorable and loved her cupcake that she smashed for sure!  M was super excited to sing happy birthday to her little sister and had to sing all by herself, it was super cute and sweet.  M is def going thru a challenging toddler phase, but we are trying different techniques to minimize her bad behavior.  We have taken a few steps back in the potty training department, but we are working on one thing at a time.  Right now potty training is going on the back burner.  It is adorable to see M with my nephew (my sisters 7 week old little man) she likes to kiss him and keep an eye on him.  She is so sweet, loving and smart and then just flips a switch, its challenging for sure.

QOTD: Right now I deal with stress by talking thru things with my wife.  I feel like other people don't understand our situation very well and so we depend on each other more than we probably should.  I would love to enjoy a glass or two of wine, but that isn't going to happen until after I have this baby :-)

Here is baby K drinking her morning bottle on the couch next to me this morning.  I wish you could see her beautiful face and blue eyes, she is beautiful.

ball.and.chain

We're visiting my SIL and her family in NJ so I haven't been online as much over the last few days, but I have been reading (mostly while bfing of course!).  I am thrilled to report that our trip has gone well -- B is great in the car (he mostly sleeps) and has charmed all the ILs.  Our 5yo niece is absolutely in love with him.  She'll be a babysitter for sure in a few years!

B is more alert every day.  He's been grinning away to all the ILs.  I look at pictures of him from the first month of his life and I can't even believe he's the same baby!  My wife is off all this week so we are enjoying each other's company and I am enjoying NOT being alone with a newborn every day! 

I went to my 6w postpartum follow-up and all is well.  I talked to my OB about the bfing issues and she said she thinks B's problem is just that his mouth is too small to get as much breast in as he needs to for a good latch.  Now on one hand she is not a lactation specialist, but I do trust her opinion.  She was skeptical about the tongue tie, saying, "It seems like LCs are diagnosing every kid with a tongue tie."  So now I'm not sure what to think.  I think we are going to hold out for B's 2-month pedi appointment and see what she says.  I also have my annual physical coming up so I'm going to talk to my PCP, whose opinion I value.  Then we'll see.

QOTW: Food, sadly.  Which is why I really need to start WW!

Karlamo

@Flygirl1228‌, I'm glad you're not hurt too bad. Those cars look awful! How frightening for you.
Just a friendly FYI in case you didn't know. if you had the car seats in your car your insurance will pay for new ones since you're not suppose to use car seats that have been involved in an accident. I hope your healing is faster than a month:)

Jazibel

@Flygirl1228‌ -wow that looks scary. :-( I'm glad to hear you have a great support system. I hope you heal quickly!!!

JGY

Thanks to @ATXmommas for keepin' it real around here!  I can't always respond to everyone's individual posts, but I SOOO appreciate reading them and knowing that whatever is going, I'm not alone (even if it's just validation of something I went through earlier with G, and felt alone then)!

Things around our place are totally nuts.  G has successfully gone through daycare transition to the toddler room.  He is SOO happy and now that he's down to 1 nap during the day (and his activity level has simultaneously gone up quite a bit), he is sleeping like a pretty big rock star at night.  Many nights he sleeps straight through, and when he doesn't, he's up only once for about 5 minutes.  I feel like a new person.  Last night I nursed him, then he said "All done," so I said "Okay, time for night-night" and I kissed him and told him I loved him and laid him down in his crib and covered him up, and there was NO CRYING!  He didn't go right to sleep, but he didn't protest at all.  Major progress on that front.

G and I leave tomorrow night for a 1-week trip out east to see my family (NY/CT).  I'm really excited but also SUPER stressed about doing the plane ride solo with him, since last time it was such a nightmare.  I'm also sad that S can't come, and a little worried about her too.  Work is just so stressful right now.

On the bummer side of things, G has some REALLY bad diaper rash going on and I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do.  It hurt him so much during diaper change this morning that he was shaking while I wiped.  Anyone have any suggestions?  Right now we're doing naked time when we can to help air/dry things out, then using TONS of desitin.  Today I had daycare switch to disposable diapers in an effort to keep him a bit dryer too.  Other than that, I don't know what to do ... he's had one open sore for almost a week now. 

QOTD:  Put me down as "Team Wine."  I'm sure none of you are surprised by that one.

 

Jazibel

@jgy - I've heard coconut oil for diaper rashes because it alloHope Gabe's feeling better soon.

@herbabymama‌ - sorry to hear about C's ear infection. Hope you all get a little more sleep in the coming days.

@winstan1‌ - yay for swimming!!!

@KLeigh1‌ - I can't believe Sage is 3 weeks already!! I hope the tummy issues resolve themselves soon and sleep is in your future.

@shameless370087‌ - sounds like great progress - hope things keep looking up :-)