Finding it difficult (loss mentioned)

bunnymumma

Hi, i recently suffered a missed misscarrage, i found out at my 12 week scan that my baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks and had to under go a D&C. I have fallen pregnant again since and im around 9 weeks now but im finding it very difficult to feel a bond/ connection with my new baby because until i know from the first scan sept 9th im terrorfied that iv already lost it, because i had no telltail signs first time around. So evry little thing sets me off a pain/ no feeling at all...i just wondered if there was any ladies here who had any advice for me. Am i being stupid? X

snickersforeveryone

You aren't being stupid. It's normal to feel that way after a loss. I struggle with it too. One thing that has helped me is a saying I read here on the bump. "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby." It reminds me to try to live in the moment and not borrow trouble (which is hard since I'm a natural worrier). Good luck.

wendyld

You are not being stupid. I think there are a great number of women here that are Pregnant After a Loss (you'll see PgAL in some siggies) and I think every single one of us have struggled with the same fears and insecurities regarding each pregnancy. I like to remind myself that this baby deserves to be loved and celebrated, even I don't get to take him/her home with me. And if this is the pregnancy that results in a healthy, happy baby then I would be sad that I didn't enjoy my pregnancy at all.

sdion27

I don't think you're being stupid but I also don't think worrying will help anything. I've also had a lost and know a few very close friends as well as my sister who have had mmc.  There's nothing to can do to change the future so just try and be happy in the present

akleng

You are not being stupid at all. I have felt the same exact way and was actually terrified for the first u/s because I was so afraid it would be bad news again. I would encourage you to join the PGAL check-in which usually posts on Tuesdays. Just to echo PPs, because the mantra has really helped me on those difficult days, remember "Today I am pregnant and I love my baby." 

FrecklesInside

You aren't being stupid, but I agree with what @wendyld said. Letting this fear consume you instead of enjoying your pregnancy is not going to change the outcome. You cannot control what happens so each day that you know you are pregnant, remind yourself that you are pregnant and you love your baby and try to enjoy that as much as possible. Fear is normal, especially after loss, but letting it run your life will do nothing to keep this baby healthy and alive. If this ends up being your take home baby, and I really hope it is, you will have wanted to enjoy the pregnancy. Hugs.

MrsZ1891

I agree with the other ladies here, It is completely normal to be afraid and not feel a bond yet. I would tell my baby every day until I saw the heart beat, "You are healthy. You are strong. You are loved." That seemed to help me. Also are you religious? If so I can pm you a particular bible verse that helped me get through as well. 

DragonflyDreaming

I haven't had any experience with loss, but I think these pp have provided some amazing input that I've been using when the fear starts to creep in. It's natural to want to protect our little ones and know that they are doing well. Eat healthy, exercise, and talk to him/her, form that bond, because today you ARE pregnant.

Also, the PgAL threads are incredibly supportive and a good place to share. Be sure to look into those on this message board.

torileea

You are not being stupid at all i suffered with trying to connect with my dd and now with this one following a loss so soon im feeling the same

finallyourturn2

You aren't being stupid. I am going through the same thing. We have told about 7 people and two of them have asked me why I am not more excited. I am pretty much in self preservation mode and it sounds like you are too.

bunnymumma

Thankyou all for your support, i will try to feel more positive about my pregnancy. Your all lovely ladies and im tearful at how muchly appreciated all your kind words are. So thankyou all xxx