Assault charge

mccall0113

SS 16 was charged with assault this week after a physical altercation with his step father. They live in an army base in GA. We are in NY. BM was screaming on the phone that we are going to end up with him. SS was out of control when I was on the phone. She's so quick to be rid of her responsibilities. I wish could help but sending him here I think sends the wrong message. He now has to appear In front of a 2 star general to learn his punishment. So many mixed emotions. I have a special needs child and baby due in November. Ugh

ldmessing

Sending him to you does NOT send the wrong message, take the boy in and get him the help he needs

Ilumine

mccall0113 said:

SS 16 was charged with assault this week after a physical altercation with his step father. They live in an army base in GA. We are in NY. BM was screaming on the phone that we are going to end up with him. SS was out of control when I was on the phone. She's so quick to be rid of her responsibilities. I wish could help but sending him here I think sends the wrong message. He now has to appear In front of a 2 star general to learn his punishment. So many mixed emotions. I have a special needs child and baby due in November. Ugh

I have questions before I can respond.

1) What is his background, i.e. other incidents of aggressive behavior, learning disabilities, etc

2) Has he been in therapy before - ever?

3) What steps has your DH done before this incident?

4) What "wrong message" do you think you are going to send?

5) What are the punishments and next steps the BM and SF being told to do?

 

mccall0113

He has a history of acting out. Similar behavior this is the first time he has been charged. He has a history of ADHD.
There was a long span of time where there was not much contact between DH and his son. He was stationed in Germany for a few years. We now have a month long visit in the summer.

BM said he tried therapy years ago but would not participate. She stated he sat there and wouldn't speak.

DH keeps In regular contact with his son now via internet and phone. DH had a long conversation about the incident. SS played the incident down. Thinking it's no big deal.

The wrong message I think we would be sending is that you can run away from problems and conflict if it's too hard to deal with. I believe he would benefit from therapy as a family unit down there to gain some coping skills. DH could participate via Skype or whatever means possible from this distance. I think mom wants an easy out and wants to was her hands of him all together. The way she was talking it sounds like she favors her husband over SS.

We won't know the military's punishment until they go In front of the general. It could be simple community service to the whole family being kicked off base. If he doesn't follow through with the general's punishment he could go to a juvenile facility. He could have been easily charged with other things such as destruction of government property because he damaged their house. In the mean time BM and sf took his cell away. He still has internet access and is all over social media, how "bored" he is. If he were in our household the punishment would be astronomically worse.

I guess I just needed to vent more than anything. The large distance is difficult.

FinallyHappy84

I think SS could probably benefit from therapy if he tried again, it also may not be a bad idea for him to come live with you and your DH as it seems he may need a more strict and structured environment, because I have to agree with you that after a stunt like that there's no way his punishment should be that light.

Ilumine

Honestly, if things are this bad with his mother, then getting therapy with YOU is more important that staying with his mother.