Molly Bears - Did it help or hurt?

forevermyfenix

I found the Molly bears site today. They make weighted teddy bears that weigh what your baby weighed at birth. 

I lost my son Fenix 2 weeks ago today. He was 36 weeks and weighed 7lbs 3oz. He was big and healthy. We don't know why he died yet, but there was a tear in the umbilical cord near his belly and it looks like he bled out inside of me. 

I feel like I need to hold that weight in my arms. I can't explain it, but I need to nurture. I need to rock my baby in my arms. Sometimes they physically ache.

But I'm scared that I'll come off as that crazy lady whose baby was stillborn who substitutes a doll or something and acts like it's living. 

For those of you who got a Molly Bear or something similar, was it therapeutic for you or did it just hurt?

stefuge

I requested a weighted heart pillow through the organization A Heart to Hold a few months ago. I liked the idea of having something to hold that was Colton's weight, but we already had a bear that was given to us in the hospital, so the heart was similar to the Molly bears but not another bear. I was so excited to receive my heart, waited anxiously after I saw it had shipped, opened the package, took out the heart and held it to my chest, and just started bawling. I haven't been able to pick it up since. I don't regret requesting it, I feel like there may be a day when I find it more comforting, but it was hard that day I received it (to be fair, it was right before Mother's Day so I was a little extra emotional). As I held it i was overwhelmed with feeling like we had all these pieces of Colton - his photos, his footprints, his hair clipping, his bear, and now this heart pillow - and yet in no way did it add up to what I really wanted, and that just made me sad.

To be fair, I know a number of ladies on here have requested the Molly bears, or something similar, and really have found comfort in them. And also, wanting something to cuddle that reminds you of your son in no way makes you a crazy lady!

lexusolsen

I just ordered mine in July. Like pp mentioned, it takes over a year. I figure I have a while to figure it out.

ikrystal

**ticker warning**

I echo what previous ladies have said about a Heart to Hold.  Our hearts came in the mail and it was beyond emotional.  I picked them up once, then put them in their nursery.  I very rarely pick them up now, and when I do I have mixed emotions about it.  I also ordered Molly Bears for the boys but I won't get them for awhile.  If anything, it is nice to have the weighted hearts (and later the bears) in case I ever want to hold something. 

shandorfml2

**siggy warning

We got our bear a little while ago. It was theraputic for us. We did cry when we held it, but both H and I found it healing. My family actually wanted to hold it too. By the time we got our bear, we were more than a year out from our loss. I do not think I could have handled it to close to her death, that would have been to overwhelming.

soulcupcake

I'm so, so very sorry for the loss of your precious Fenix. My heart aches for you, Mama. It's so heartbreaking.

I signed up for a Molly Bear, gosh, a couple years ago. It was 8 months before I received my Duncan's Molly Bear.

Also, I had a reborn doll made in his likeness a couple years ago. A couple other mamas in another support group had one made, too. A lot of us experienced near term and term losses around the same time. For me, and for many other baby loss mamas, it's therapeutic, and helps with the grieving process. I liked seeing what my Duncan might have looked like alive, you know? Pink/flesh-colored skin and rosy lips. I wanted to feel his weight in my arms. It wasn't a replacement. It's not meant to substitute him, or to give into a fantasy that the doll is actually him. However, it was made in his likeness, to capture his beauty, and allow for a healthy way to cope. Instead of focusing or going back to the moment, a moment one can never forget, where he was born blue/pale and lifeless, I get to occasionally peak at a representation of him that brings about positive feelings and emotions.

I think Molly Bears are wonderful, and I hold mine on occasion. I keep it on a nearby shelf.

*Sending you love and light*

angelsnight

Ticker warning, Rainbow mentioned

I just received my Molly Bear.  Right now I am a little bit indifferent to it.  I love it, they did a wonderful job, but so far it just sits on a bench in our living room.

I guess I feel this way because after 17 months since our loss and being busy with our rainbow, I don't always have "time" for lack of a better word, to grieve.  But there are days where I crash and I cry for our daughter just as much as the day we lost her.  On those days I could totally see myself snuggling with the bear and it being a lifesaver.