Too scared to intro, so this is just a question - updated after first ultrasound

pblge

**losses mentioned (Do I need this?)**

Hi Ladies,

I hang out on the Infertility forum almost exclusively. I've had two losses, the first was an ectopic almost exactly two years ago, and the second was a MMC after a heartbeat from our first IVF right before last Christmas. I'm finally pregnant again (first FET following what some would call IVF #3--this one involved genetic testing, so hopefully that counts for something), and the first ultrasound is tomorrow morning. At the outside, we're only 17dp6dt (5 weeks 2 days for those who don't speak IVF code), so this is really just to look for a sac in the right place. That said, our betas started very low (24 at the equivalent of 4 weeks), which is apparently common for FETs, but I think might mean we're a little behind schedule. Seems crazy early for a scan to me, but this is when the doctor wanted it, so here we go.

Anyway, the question concerns the fact that I can barely breathe right now, and I have no idea how I'm going to sleep or make it through the scan (7:15 am!) without losing my sh!t. I think it's highly probably that we won't be able to see anything, and I know that could be normal, but I'm still having a heart attack at the thought. I have a history of awful ultrasounds (nothing found for the ectopic, then a small embryo, then no heartbeat last Christmas), so I think this is just PTSD. Does anyone have tips about getting through this? Obviously tequila shots are not a good option, so I'm hoping for suggestions. I did read the mantras on the sticky and loved them!

TIA, and congrats to you all!

mandi195

Hang in there, lady. Try to remember that today, you are pregnant, and that's what you should try to focus on. I know it's impossible; but stressing isn't going to change anything. Fx for you, and congrats!

pblge

@snegde‌ - I missed your news--congratulations!!

peggels24

((hugs))  Going into the u/s knowing that you won't be able to see much is how I would prepare for the u/s.  Deep breaths and pleasant dreams until the u/s!

And - congratulations!

SamanthaLaura16

Congrats again!
I too was coming from a horrible last ultrasound (baby was just gone at 12 weeks) and so now I still am super anxious for them. This whole pregnant I have literally taken one day at a time. I know its harder said that done but just try to say to yourself that today you are pregnant and enjoy that moment. Sending sooo many Big ((Hugs)) your way, I know this is the hardest and longest process ever.

sgio7485

I agree with mindless TV and snacks! Good luck tomorrow!

KMW08

Congrats & welcome (when you're ready )!

Try to hang in there. Although I have no experience with IF treatments, I can tell you that I don't think US's ever get easier. I've been a huge mess a few days before & the day of my appointments.

Fwiw I had an early US, just over 5wks and was able to see a sac. The tech told me to be prepared not to, so we were pleasantly surprised. FX you're able to see a sac & confirm an intrauterine pg.

Denise91980

Congratulations!

I know anxiety sucks and doesn't help us at all. I think @snegde‌ had some good suggestions. I think the beginning is so hard and I couldn't sleep before my first appointment and I find happens with each. I try to take deep breaths and try to distract myself with tv or reading. This time around my first appointment was before I was 5 weeks and I did see a gestational sac although they prepped me to not see anything. That was a relief because I at least knew it wasn't ectopic at that point. Try to take care of you and relax. ((Hugs))

megbmeg

Congrats on the BFP. I also had an ectopic and had to go in for an early scan to check placement. And I hear you on the traumatizing ultrasounds. It's so hard not to assume that we'll have to relieve that trauma.

I say distract the crap out of yourself as best you can - eat ice cream, watch a netflix marathon, clean closets, whatever it takes to pass those hours. And be kind to yourself. This is a whole new pregnancy and the start of what is hopefully your rainbow. Fx for you tomorrow!!

babyjay13

Congrats! Idt the warning is needed on this board...and no need to be afraid to intro...though it's totally understandable...t&p ur betas continue to increase and baby is in the right place making him/herself nice and comfey...the ladies here are wonderful and from just the 'browsing' along with my own questions I would say I feel 100% comfortable here and hope u feel the same...good luck girl!

pblge

Update: so I told the nurse doing the ultrasound that my beta was only 334 on Monday, and she agreed that there was a good chance we wouldn't see anything. But as soon as she put the vagcam in she said, "oh, there's a great gestational sac! ... Oh wait, there are two!!!" She could only find a fetal pole in one, as the other was a tiny bit smaller, so it's possible they won't both stick around. Since my first beta came back at 24, we had totally dismissed the idea of twins.

Thank you so much ladies!!!! I took all your advice and watched indulgent Netflix last night. I think I must have had good dreams, as I woke up with a strange calm. I'm still terrified, which only you ladies can really understand, but I'm feeling much better than last night!