AW: Double whammy! (2 BFP's mentioned and a child mentioned, not mine).

wanderlust508

I took my dog for a walk this evening and called one of my oldest friends to catch up.  I told her about my surgery coming up at the end of the month and my trouble TTC that I've been dealing with.  This was probably the first time I had a chance to tell her about all my fertility treatments/IUI cycles and the emotional rollercoaster that came with it.  She listened and was very sympathetic.  She has a 3 year old daughter so we talked somewhat about her.  Towards the end of the conversation, she said "So I have to tell you something...."  She said that she's 7 weeks pregnant.  She sounded very apologetic about it (like she felt bad telling me).  I put on my happy face and voice, congratulated her and asked a few appropriate questions.  But I wanted to get off the phone pretty soon after that (I told her I had to help DH make dinner ...which wasn't a lie).  

But what got me even more wasn't even her BFP.  Of course it affected me and it hurt (even moreso that she lapped me!).  The one that got me is this:  I have an ex boyfriend who I dated from 2002-2007.  He was probably my first true love.  I still have fond memories of my time with him.  Of course it's also mixed with some crappy memories that make me glad we didn't end up together.  He was always such a great guy with a huge heart.  But he also had a drinking problem (which he refused to admit to).  I try not to dwell on the fact that I "wasted" time with him trying to rationalize that he could change and that I would work things out with him.  At the time I wanted to "fix" him and make it  work.  But it didn't.  Fast forward to now - I'm happily married for (almost) 3 years and he got married about a year ago.  The twist is that he will soon be WORKING with me(!!).  He's starting at the company I currently work at - and will be in my department.  I'll see a lot of him.  I didn't want things to be awkward when he started his job at my place, so I shot him an email.  I apologized for our last text exchange (about 3 years ago when he tried to initiate a friendship with me very persistently - I texted him back and told him never to contact me again).  I told him I'd heard he got married recently, congratulated him.  That I hoped he was doing well and that I'd see him soon when he started.  He responded and thanked me for reaching out.  It was a short but pleasant email.  The thing is, ever since then I've kind of anticipated seeing him again with a mix of nervousness and nostalgia/happy memories.  It's not like I want anything to happen between us but I thought "Wow, it's funny how life is.  At one time I loved this person so much ....now life is so different and he will be my COLLEAGUE!"  And I had a flood of memories of the time we spent together that actually made me smile. And think it would be nice to see him again.

That was before my BFF dropped the bombshell on me.  Her hubby is still very good friends with my ex (they met through me - when I was dating him).  She told me that he and his wife are expecting a girl.  I didn't ask details (due date, etc).  But I was PISSED!  He was not supposed to have a baby before me.  Hell no!  Now I'm filled with (irrational) anger towards him and want to keep my distance from him when he starts working with me.  Gone are the nostalgic good memories.  And the soft side I have for him.  I will be cordial towards him but that's ALL.  I'm just so angry at him!!  It makes no sense, he did nothing wrong.  But still, this has been one of the hardest BFP's to hear about.  I guess it's kind of a good thing that I learned this news and now have no desire to be friendly with him.  Ugh!!!!!  I so wanted to open a bottle of wine tonight after hearing the news.  But I've been drinking more frequently lately and have put on a few pounds.  If I continue on that path and gain even more weight ...that will depress me even more.  

Thanks for listening ladies.  

RNCrystal

I'm sorry you ate going through all this- that's a lot to handle in a short time. I don't have much for advice ( as it's 2am and I'm doing a double at work) but I wanted to give u virtual ((hugs)). I feel that everything happens for a reason and I hope things turn around for you. Hang in there

catlover790

I'm so sorry! That sounds very hard to deal with all in one phone call!

I would try to be nice like you said but you don't have to socialize with him. IF is so unfair and hard! I hope you're feeling better soon.Big hugs!

@GinnyJones82‌ The cranberry Cosmo is really good actually! A little expensive but I do like it!

Champs28

That IS a lot for one day. And that is why God invented Champs and Wine. 

Kudos to you for being the bigger person and reaching out to him first. 

lebradford

Ouch. I'm so sorry. I think the ex thing would especially get to me, especially if I had to see him every day.

theholmanherd

Aw, honey, that's awful. I was irrationally angry when a similar situation came up (didn't have to work with him at least). I hate that you have to work with him. I'm giving him a big TP for you

shirleymaeby

I'm so sorry you had such a rough day.  God it sucks to find out things like that all at once.  I understand the irrational anger too.  There's a girl at work I didn't particularly like but then she announced her BFP and for the last three weeks I've had trouble even looking her in the eye.  I know it's super childish of me but I cannot help it.

I also had an ex-bf from a long time ago who I stayed really good friends with for a very long time.  Over the least year he pulled away from me and stopped really talking to me at all and then he got married a couple of months ago (I am assuming he stopped talking to me because he met someone).  I have this sick feeling that any day now I am going to get a preg announcement on FB from him and I will probably explode with rage.  Something like this:

Also, @buttmonkey34 is right...skinny girl sucks.  I once drank an ENTIRE bottle of their vodka one night and barely got a buzz.  Splurge on the good stuff.  You deserve it.

BunnyBerry

Oh my goodness, I am so sorry, that is a realllly complicated emotional minefield to be in!!

I've got a pretty important ex who works somewhere that I am pretty sure my career will take me in the next 5-10 years...whenever I start to think about that it just feels really strange, like 2 separate parts of life converging for the first time. But my bet is that after an initial awkwardness, it will just start to feel normal and like just a buddy at work.

As far as his wife being pregnant...oh, that is just not fair. I mean, who has to suddenly start working in the same department as their ex who is also expecting a daughter? I have no advice. It just sounds really hard to deal with. Hopefully that have a terribly ugly child very soon and as soon as you see the picture it will all just feel like a bad memory?

CarSaidYes

Double ouch. I'm sorry. I know that probably stings. Keep your head high. :-/

wanderlust508

Thanks so much ladies!  I'm feeling a little better now.  But MAN oh man I wish he wasn't working with me.  When I found out a few months ago, it felt like the universe was playing some sick joke on me.  And then when I finally calmed down and rationalized that maybe it wouldn't be so bad working with him ....out comes the news about his wife's BFP.  :-/  I don't even want to look at him when he arrives!  Of course I will and I'll be cordial because I don't want to come off as a petty b*tch.  But I am really gonna try to keep my distance from him.