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well hello there

Jodee37Jodee37 member
in Secondary IF
i think my seat may still be warm here... mind if i sit back down? lost the baby. that makes the 3rd loss in a row. i have no more tears. there is no room for any more grief in my heart. so i apologize if this post seems lacking emotion, or it appears i should be more sad. believe me, i am swallowed up in the darkness. but i am totally dissociated from this miscarriage at the present moment and i can't explain it. maybe that is the only thing from keeping me from falling apart at the seams. it's so fucked up. this struggle. this roller coaster.

i'm happy to see some have moved on. hopefully we all get to do that and actually STAY gone from here. though i love you all terribly, i don't want to be apart.
will you have me back?

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Me: 36, DH: 36
DH's SA = normal
1 tube only wonder
AFC 3-5, AMH 0.30

BFP #1 3/29/11.  EDD 12/4/11... Missed m/c 5/9/11. Cytotec fail. D&C 5/17/11.
BFP #2   7/5/11.  EDD 3/14/12... Our rainbow Kellen born 3/14/12 via c/s.
BFP #3 5/30/13.  EDD 2/8/14...  6wk u/s HB 126. 8wk u/s lost HB. D&C 7/12/13.
BFP #4 2/18/14.  EDD 10/30/14... Ruptured ectopic with L tube removed & D&C 3/7/14.
BFP #5 7/27/14.  EDD 4/9/15...  m/c @ 5w4d.

IVF #1    Oct 2014 - antagonist protocol: 9R, 7M, 5F. 3dt of 3 Grade 2 embies. BFN. 
IVF #2    Jan 2015 cancelled due to dominant follicle.  Converted to IUI #1. BFFN
IVF #2.1 March 2015 cancelled due to dominant follicle.

BFP #6  (SUPRISE!) 3/19/15.  EDD 11/30/15...  CP at 4w2d.
IUI #2:    Clomid + Follistim = 3 follies. BFN.
IVF #2.2 May 2015 - horrible response to micro lupron flare protocol: 3R, 3M, 3F. 3dt of 2 Grade 3 embies. BFFN. 

BFP #7 (beyond surprised again!) 4/26/16. EDD 1/5/17. beautiful betas!!!! and then near-fatal hemorrhagic corpus luteum. turns out baby was ectopic after all; another lap 5/6 (@24dpo).

the universe can fuck off.


 "You are overly paranoid and delusional that every one is out to get you." -lastsliverofhope

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
all AL welcome. TTC #2 for 43 44 months.
follow my infertility journey here at timestandsstillblog.com

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Re: well hello there

  • sailorgalsailorgal member
    Sorry you are back :(


    Me: 32, DH: 33
    DS #1: April 2010
    DS #2: July 2015 (preemie born at 31 weeks) - our little miracle conceived through ART - unexplained secondary infertility/adenomyosis
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  • pettycrockerpettycrocker member
    image


    You know I love you. I hate this, fucking hate it. 


    Spontaneous pregnancy #1
    DD1 July 31, 2011

    Trying for #2 since Oct 11
    732973 Clomid Cycles
    2 IUIs 
    3 Fresh IVFs= 1 Ectopic treated with MTX
    Spontaneous pregnancy #2= Ectopic #2= lost left tube
    Spontaneous pregnancy #3= DD2 January 29, 2016
    Spontaneous pregnancy #4= Ectopic #3
    Spontaneous pregnancy #5= Baby #3 is a BOY!!! 



    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • phishgirl29phishgirl29 member
    ((Hugs)) :(. I'm sorry you are back.

              image      image    

    IVF #1 September 2012, beta #1: 213; beta #2: 580. Expecting Twins! 
    EDD 6/9 lost one angel at 9w3d :( 
    Baby boy arrived 6/1/13
    FET #1 10/14, BFP -Chemical Pregnancy :(
    Everyone Welcome

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
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  • annibesannibes member
    I'm sorry, Jodee. I'm always glad to be in your company, but I wish it were under better circumstances.
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  • Steph1673Steph1673 member
    I'm really sorry to see you :-(
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    VOTE on my Name List

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  • iheartsippycups2iheartsippycups2 member
    I am so sorry...
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    My History:
    Lots of BFN's & failed IUI's w/clomid and/or femara
    Finally BFP with femara & t.i.- son born 6/17/2010
    Started TTC again around when DS was 3ish
    Lots of BFN's with femara & t.i & ovidrel
    Tubes clear, S.A came back low motility but high count
    About to switch to injectables w/femara, did one last cycle with just femara & an IUI with ovidrel- stupid motility was fantastic in the sample, but count was 700,000 AFTER wash! Had to sign a paper to even still do IUI- BFFP (big fat freaking positive) Go figure!
    1st Beta 13dpiui 54, 2nd beta 48 hours later 115, 3rd beta 48 hours later 310, 4th beta 72 hours later 1748.
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  • FrenchteachermamaFrenchteachermama member
    I absolutely hate this for you. So sorry.



    imageimageimage
    image
    My FF Chart:
    http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/490dd7
    TTC #3 since June 2013
    BFP #1 7/21/2013--EDD 3/30/14--D&C 9/24/13
    BFP #2 1/28/14--MC 2/7/14
    IUI #1 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #2 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IUI #3 5mg Femara + trigger = BFN
    IVF #1, Stimmed for 12 days, ER 8/22/14, 9 retrieved, 7M, 7F!!  Freeze all due to fluid in uterus.
    FET end of October 2014 cancelled due to fluid in uterus due to possible c-scar defect
    Surgery scheduled 12/12/14 to fix possible isthmocele
    3/26/15 transferred one 8 cell grade 4 embryo and one 6 cell grade 3 embryo = slow rising betas for 2+ weeks = ectopic MTX shot 4/29/15
    Repeat c-scar surgery June 2015
    2nd and last IVF cycle August 2015, stimmed for 12 days, 2 egg retrieved, both mature and both fertilized.  Transferred both 8-cell embryos on Day 3, beta 9/5/15 = BFFN
    MOVING TO ADOPTION!  


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  • ScarletBegonia79ScarletBegonia79 member
    So sorry you are back here.

    TTC #2 since 8/2012

    IUI #1 April 2014: BFN

    IUI #2 July 2014: BFN

    IUI #3 August 2014: BFN

    BFP: September 15, due May 22nd 2015

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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  • SassFrassSassFrass member
    Hugs to you, I'm so sorry

    imageimage
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    BabyFruit Ticker 

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  • BookishMommaBookishMomma member
    Fuck this shit indeed. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm a 3-in-a-rower, too. It blows chunks.
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    DX: I'm a Recurrent Loser
    Me (35) + DH (37) - Married Sept. 2007
    BFP #1 - DS born 7/11/11
    BFP#2 11/13/13 - EDD 7/29/14 - M/C at 5w3d
    BFP #3 12/28/13 - EDD 9/7/14 - M/C at 4w6d
    BFP#4 3/27/14 -  EDD 12/5/14 - Girl lost to 45X at 8w6d - D&C 
    BFP#5 10/15/14 - EDD 6/30/15 - M/C at 7w2d
    BFP #6 1/5/15 - EDD 9.16.14 [CLICKY for progress]
    In search of a image


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  • Bananappeal145Bananappeal145 member
    I'm so very sorry you are back here.
    image


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    TTC #2 since 1/1/13

    image    imageimage
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  • GraceyandTroyGraceyandTroy member
    Sorry you're back here, my friend. I look forward to hearing great things from your upcoming IVF cycle.
    Happily Mrs. C 
    image  image

    image Image and video hosting by TinyPicimage image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker 
    start ttc #1 in Jan 2009
    dx PCOS in May 2010, begin metformin
    Two failed clomid cycles (made lining too thin)
    Started acupuncture while saving for IVF in Sept 2011
    Add herbal infusions to the mix in Dec 2011
    Hoping holistic approach works!!!

    BFP on April 2012 at 11dpo
    Meepy Man born on Jan 2013 - Hip Hip Hurray!

    Ready to start ttc #2 April 2013, but plan to be an extended BF'er
    Back on metformin Aug 2013
    Restart herbal infusions Sept 2013 - currently drinking nettle, oatstraw, and red raspberry leaf
    DS weaned in April 2014
    Taking a break from herbs and just riding the healthy train.  
    Planning medicated cycle end of summer.  FX I get KU before then!!!
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  • STL34STL34 member
    ((HUGE HUGS))  I'm so sorry for about your losses.

    imageimage


    ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 

    Me= 37 and DH = 41 

    Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)

    IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN

    IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.

    IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!

    TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + Trigger + IUI = BFN.

    IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #6:  (New RE):  Long Antagonist November 2014 (transferred two 8 cell grade 1 embryos and froze one blast) = BFN

    FET#1:  BFN

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  • jen4nyjen4ny member
    I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself back here again. 
    "From the moment I first saw you, the second that you were born, I knew that you were the love of my life" Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Me: 35, DH: 40
    TTC # 2 since 8/13, Dx: unexplained secondary infertility
    Clomid cycles 7/14 & 8/14= BFN
    IUI # 1 (clomid) 8/27/14= BFN
    IUI # 2 (clomid and follistim) 9/25/14= BFN
    IUI # 3 (femara and follistim) 10/23/14= BFN
    IUI # 4 (femara and follistim) 11/20/14= BFN
    12/12/14- saline sono shows two polyps
    2/15- two uterine polyps and "schmutz" (RE's words) removed
    8/15- surprise BFP! Beta #1 70 Beta #2 150 
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  • FlamingemuFlamingemu member
    I am so sorry.

    Kid #1 - 09/03/12
    Kid #2 - maybe???
    Diagnosed with Severe Ashermans 
    Hysteroscopy #10 - scar tissue grew back reblocking my right tube
    #11 or IVF with scarring still inside?
    1 lone embryo from September 2016 retreival, dx with Trisomy 16, starting fresh
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  • chels0120chels0120 member
    This brought me to tears. My SIL and I were talking the other day about how devastating it is when it happens again and again. It sucks the life out of you. I'm so sorry!!
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  • lawmom747lawmom747 member
    I am so sorry.  The darkness following a loss is the most difficult to navigate.  TNP with you and a light of hope for better days. 

    image

    Me: 35 DH: 35 - Married 10 years
    PCOS and MF
    Two failed rounds IUI in 2010
    IVF #1 in 2011 - BFP 8/5/11 - Our IVF miracle was born 4/8/12
    FET 9/23/13; BFP -Twins-10/3/13; EDD 6/10/14; MC 11/1/13; D&C 11/4/13
    FET 3/28/14; BFN - 4/7/14
    IVF #2 - Transfer 2 embryos 11/14/14; BFP 11/24/14 - Beta 265;
    11/26/14 - Beta 612; 11/28/14 - Beta 1263; 12/1/14 - Beta 3571;
    12/3/14 - first u/s - two gestational sacs; 12/17/14 - two healthy heartbeats (132 and 134)
    Our IVF miracles were born 7/16/15

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