TMI/ Irrational Fear?

tilelady85

Hi ladies, I hope you won't laugh too hard at my question. 

I lurk a lot on this board and have already learned so much from all of you. 

I am a soon to be FTM (24 weeks) and have always wanted a drug free hospital water birth. I have not done much to prepare, but for the most part I trust my body and am also willing to go with the flow if plans change. 

Now, DH and I have not had much sex during the pregnancy and now when we try it feels like my vagina is a fortress. I don't know if it's swollen inside or just tightened, but it is basically impenetrable. Should I bring this up to my midwife? I am seriously worried about tearing now. Am I being crazy? How is a big baby going to come out of this teeny tiny closed shut hole??

MsMacual

You certainly could bring it up with your MW and see if she has any thoughts on how to make sex more comfortable.  We've found that differrent positions at different times during both pregnancies helped.  And I've definitely had days where it wasn't comfortable due to swelling or whatever and needed a little lube has to help on those days.  Your cirvix will open significantly when you are in labor and your vagina will stretch so even if you are experiencing tighness and selling now, both may not be an issue when you are in labor.

shellybean3788

During labor, it'll dilate and open up, no worries. But for now, (for sex), try a little more foreplay before he tries to seal the deal. Being wetter and more "ready" should help, and it couldn't hurt to try a finger or two first, or maybe a toy that is smaller than he is. Get some lube, too, if you still think you need help

iris427

Is it possible you are tensing up your pelvic floor muscles without realizing it?

tilelady85

Thanks for easing my worries. I'm not really worried about the sex. Even with lube it feels like a vice. My main concern is with it stretching out and possibly tearing a lot during birth. 

JCWhitey

You actually have a lot of increased blood flow in your body and it can sort of "swell" certain places of your body, including there.  It's normal!  As PP suggested, try different positions.  And don't stress about tearing.  That's not the part of your body that tears, anyway.  And labor will open you up quite nicely.

If I can suggest one thing, though, 24 weeks is plenty of time to start learning some NB techniques.  While it's good to trust your body and go with the flow, you may find you have more success if you have some tricks and tools to use during labor.  I learned about a dozen breathing and pain management techniques and used every single one of them in labor to find what felt best.  Usually something would work for a few contractions and then stop, so I'd move on.  It was nice to have.  While I know I would have had a NB even without that, it made labor easier for me.

tilelady85

Thank you for the advice, I do plan on taking a 5 week childbirth course with the midwifery group. I've also read the Ina May book and will likely have a doula. So while I'm not doing Bradley or hypnobirthing, I hope I'll be sufficiently prepared. I really do think that the key to a natural birth is in letting go of fear. 

usernewname

You could tear. You may not. It depends really on how baby comes down and how your body reacts.

I would bring it up to your mw though. I told mine i was scared to tear. I also told her i really don't want an epistomity (sp? I can never spell it). When she told me I was about about to need one during birth I said no and that gave me the last bit of motivation to get ds out.

But I tore vaginally as his elbow came down a little funny.

So it depends. But let your mw know your concerns. Easier to talk about it now than when things get intense.

MuchlyGen

The pregnancy hormones can also cause dryness for some women (plus, as someone else set, there's increased blood flow so things can be more swollen at the same time). Doesn't matter how stretchy the tissues are, if you're dry when your fella tries to penetrate, it's going to be really tough and really uncomfortable. Srsly, try some lube, go slow and easy.

When baby comes, it's going to be a completely different experience, and every hormone is going to be to make things relax and open, your muscles will be working towards the same, and it'll work. Really!

There's always the chance of tearing, but what you're experiencing right now isn't an indicator of probability.

jinnymb

I have to say the idea of tearing is scary but honestly I tore with all three and it was not bad at all.  I know everyone is different but I had 2nd degree tears everytime (baby comes out in like 3 pushes) and the crowning burns for like a long second and then after that I'm so consumed with everything going on I don't notice any pain there or feel actually tearing.  The only thing that kind of hurts is the quick shot for the local but the stitching felt like tugging and I was shaking from adrenaline so even that was distracting.  Plus I'm holding baby at that point. 

I did the whole pad lasagna thing with the ice/tuck/squirt bottle etc.. and never had any real discomfort or issues healing from any of the births.  Also, was able to pick up sex life eventually back to totally normal as well.

I just remember being worried about it and it ended up being the least of things for me personally to worry about. 

ConversationFear

I had the exact same problem. Swelling is normal, especially the further along you get (and the lower the baby gets, putting pressure on this area.) My OB also found, however, that I had a bit of a yeast infection as well. Nothing major, but nothing some topical cream didn't fix. You might want to check with you midwife to see if this is an issue for you too.