preparing first child for second child... with preemie concerns

PhillyGal34

DS was born at 31 weeks due to severe sudden hypertension.  I am a little over 9 weeks pregnant with 2.0 and everything looks great.  We are being followed by a MFM as well as my OB.  We are doing everything we can to prevent complications but as we all know, what is going to happen is going to happen. I cannot help but be stressed and worried about how it would affect DS if I have to go to the hospital on bed rest or if this baby ends up in the NICU.  I want to make him as prepared as we can be for that possibility but don't want to scare him either. He's only 2.  Did you do anything differently with subsequent children because of this concern? what if anything did you do?

I should add that I have felt insanely guilty this entire pregnancy.  Guilty that I feel sick all the time (thank you zofran for making me feel a bit more normal) and I'm not as much of a fun mom and guilty that I am going to have to split my time with 2.0 and DS. etc.  so maybe that is just what this concern is... I feel so much more lost than with DS!

PhillyGal34

Aww thanks and @CurlingRocks‌ you are amazing for remembering the dress :-) i cannot wait to wear it!!!


I had no idea how many feels i would feel this time!! I never imagined i would feel so guilty! I keep thinking about how different ds's life is going to be. But in the end i know he will love being a big brother too. Ahhh what were we thinking?? ;-)


@Usm123‌ good point about not knowing any different. You are right. He will have no idea!!

dunnmommy

My DS was 4 when I got pregnant with baby number 2. I had no idea at the time that baby #2 was going to put me on hospital bed rest and decide to arrive at 24 weeks 2 days. But, I felt completely guilty like you when I found out I was pregnant with #2 and I went out of my way to do mommy & son date nights. We had picnics at the playground, movie night out, and trips to local places I knew I would not be able to go to once baby #2 was born! And, when I went on hospital bed rest at 23 weeks my family came through for us and watched after my DS for us. He visited me daily and brought a special backpack with toys to play with me. He brought the same backpack to the NICU when he visited his brother. He would bring finger puppets or pictures he had drawn of our family. We also made sure to include him in bath time at the NICU. We also had a book that our DS loved to read and take to the NICU.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0988294028?pc_redir=1407158076&robot_redir=1

It comes in a brother or sister version.

I know most of this does not pertain to exactly what you are asking but as your pregnancy goes along your guilt will decrease and your excitement will take over! Good luck!

And like the other post said my son has no idea that babies are not supposed to stay in the hospital for an extra for months! He just assumes that is the natural way of things!

flerlgirl

Congrats!!!

DS was/is too little to really understand the idea of a new baby (although he does enjoy poking her in the eye). But I was on bedrest at home and on restriction from picking him up for several weeks. He really did okay! We had lots of help from my family and church members so he was well taken care of and didn't bat an eye. He is really social, which I'm sure helped, and he will do pretty much anything for attention so he was happy with anyone to play with

As for the rest - girl, I feel you. I sobbed to MH so many times that we were ruining DS' life, that we weren't ready, that DS still needed so much attention with all of his doctors and issues and now he wouldn't get it. TBH the first few weeks were hard. DS didn't like sharing my attention with an angry little sister. But after that initial time period, he has done great!! He loves looking at her and keeps trying to get her to play with him (she is dull and will not play). His life remains unruined and it is so so fun to watch them interact and think about how they will grow up together.

The guilt is normal but you are awesome!! Have some Diet Coke and brownies and go watch some trashy TV. Everything will be great!

Pips09

i have the same fears. I am 17 1/2 weeks along with number two, and it took us a long time to be ready to try again. We went into this pregnancy knowing that I could very well end up on bed rest or hospitalized for an extended period of time. We decided that if that happened, we would keep our daughters routine as regular as possible, and ask for/accept help from family. We are still feeling like we are going in blind, but we finally decided it would be worth it in the end.