When(if) to stop feeding "on demand"?

LunaBug924

DD is just over 3 months old. At one of our first pedi appointments I asked about feeding, and he said it was fine to feed her on demand until 3-4 months, at which point he recommended putting her on a schedule. He said it didn't have to be a strict "clock watching" schedule, but his thought was that by this time she should be taking a bit more at each feeding, therefore eating less frequently. I will definitely ask for a more details at her 4 month check-up, but I wanted some input in the meantime. 

Right now she seems to want to eat every 1 1/2- 2 hours. I say "seems" because up till now I've pretty much just been popping her on the breast when she cries and none of the other soothing techniques have worked. Now I'm questioning whether or not she's really hungry at this time, or if she's just tired and I'm misreading her cues. Granted, she always takes a feeding when I offer, but sometimes it's only for 10 minutes or less and she seems to fall asleep part way through. I've tried offering a paci, but she's never really taken one. 

Coincidentally, I'm also working on daytime naps with her. She will fall asleep on her own in her crib, but then she only sleeps for 20-30 mins. If I try to soothe her and lay her back down she goes ballistic. Yesterday, after fighting with her for 30 minutes after a 20 minute catnap to go back down, I finally gave in and plopped her in her swing. At which point she fell asleep for another 45 minutes. So my point is, I know she can go longer between feedings. I just don't know at which point it's better to give in a give her some milk vs continuing to work on the naps if it means 30 minutes of fussing a crying in between. FTR, she sleeps 7-8 hours before her MOTN feeding and then will go another 3 hours before getting up for the day.  

I don't want to deny her milk if she really is hungry, but I don't want to encourage her to "snack" all day long either. Any advice on what changes I can make to our routine? Or, if what I'm doing seems normal and healthy, I'd like to hear that too. Everything I read, even on TB, says that this is the time that habits are forming, and I'm just trying not to create any bad ones. TIA for your help!

eggmankate

I have a hard time knowing when DD is crying because of hunger. I started the eat, sleep, play routine with her around 2 months of age. That way if she cried and had just woken up I knew it was probably either a dirty diaper or hunger. If she just ate then her cries were probably that she tired or dirty diaper. This worked for me because DD was an easygoing baby and rarely cried other than being tired or hungry.

When I returned to work at 12 weeks she spaced her feedings out to every 3 hours on a nice schedule so I just mimicked that at home. She is 8 months now and still is on the same feed schedule and this works for us.

vvvvvfee

i ascribe to "watch the baby, not the clock." i would definitely still be feeding on demand at this age.

i struggled with this at the beginning as well-- it is very demanding and you feel like you never get a break. but sometimes the path of least resistance is just givin' the boob. yes, it is normal and healthy for your baby to want to be close to you and to nurse frequently. you are not creating bad habits. i like this article's perspective: Why African Babies Don't Cry

Aliki

I'm a "watch the baby, not the clock" type. 

Lactation consultants point out that pediatricians can graduate from med school with less than a days' workshop on breastfeeding! So they are not always qualified to provide you information about breastfeeding because they have they may have very little knowledge on the subject!

Nursing when hungry will not form any bad habits.. unless you consider eating when hungry a "bad habit"

LunaBug924

Thanks for confirming what I was already thinking, ladies. I don't mind continuing with on demand feeding, but I don't want to become a human pacifier either. I guess I'll just continue to follow her lead.

flcl

OP: I've gone back and forth on whether or not feed on demand or get LO on a schedule as well.  For us, feeding on demand has always felt more natural... some times he wants to eat every hour, other times, he can go almost 3 hours.  I've found that whenever I've tried to stretch out his feedings to get on some type of schedule, it always backfires (and it's usually linked to his night time sleep.)  @casey78 is right, my LO hit a bunch of milestones after month 3 and our nursing sessions completely changed... he's done so quickly now, I'm really missing those longer cuddle times!

As for the naps, hang in there... they will slowly develop and get longer naturally.  Just a heads up though, you may go through the 4MW in a few weeks and during that time, no sleep is long.  Well, that's what we experienced in our house at least.  

opheliainwaders

Also one more thing to add...breasts have different production and storage capacity, so even though some babies do eat less frequently/more at a time, others need to eat more frequently to spur supply from mom.

FWIW, I fed on demand, and had much the same experience as @casey78.

TheBorg7of9

Three things that helped me were 1. To make sure feedings were full feedings, 2. Try to have the first feeding around the same time and 3. Feed more often during the day to try to get longer stretches at night.

flcl

@TheBorg7of9: this may be a dumb questions but how do you go about making sure feedings are full ones?  Like I mentioned in my response to OP, LO is so quick now, I sometimes question if the sessions are full sessions.    

TheBorg7of9

flcl said:

@TheBorg7of9: this may be a dumb questions but how do you go about making sure feedings are full ones?  Like I mentioned in my response to OP, LO is so quick now, I sometimes question if the sessions are full sessions.    

I try to wait until he's hungry. I don't try feeding first. I try rocking to sleep when he's cranky. I also try to wake him up if he falls asleep while eating. A lot of people hate hate hate this book, but I think it provides good guidance for trying to get on a schedule. I'm scared to even mention it. It's called baby wise. A lot of people say that it recommends starving a hungry baby, but they must have updated the book because I didn't see anything like that in there. It says feed when hungry, but make sure he's hungry first and try to guide into a schedule. It really worked for me. It encourages more of a cycle than a schedule. It made sense to me to cycle. Wake, eat, play, sleep, eat, play, sleep, eat, play, sleep. It helped me understand my baby's cues better.

LunaBug924

@TheBorg7of9‌ it's interesting you mention this; part of my reason for asking this question in the first place was because I just finished reading "Secrets of The Baby Whisperer". We've been doing the E.A.S.Y. cycle since she was 6 weeks, and it has helped. I had never actually read the book, though. But she outlines a 3 hour cycle, and ours are more like a 1 1/2 hour cycle. I was thinking that maybe I'm misreading her tired cues as hunger cues because she's not napping long enough. But if I can't get her back to sleep after a catnap, I can't just let her fuss and cry to "make sure she's really hungry and takes a full feeding". So I think I'm going to stick to what we've been doing a little longer and see if she naturally extends her cycle. At the very least I'll wait till we see the pedi for her 4 month check up.

These parenting books can really mess with your head!

TheBorg7of9

LunaBug924 said:

@TheBorg7of9‌ it's interesting you mention this; part of my reason for asking this question in the first place was because I just finished reading "Secrets of The Baby Whisperer". We've been doing the E.A.S.Y. cycle since she was 6 weeks, and it has helped. I had never actually read the book, though. But she outlines a 3 hour cycle, and ours are more like a 1 1/2 hour cycle. I was thinking that maybe I'm misreading her tired cues as hunger cues because she's not napping long enough. But if I can't get her back to sleep after a catnap, I can't just let her fuss and cry to "make sure she's really hungry and takes a full feeding". So I think I'm going to stick to what we've been doing a little longer and see if she naturally extends her cycle. At the very least I'll wait till we see the pedi for her 4 month check up.

These parenting books can really mess with your head!

I just try out different things till I find out what works for us!

radiohd18

I think I agree with the PP that say watch the baby not the clock, except I sort of did and still do both. When LO first arrived it was every two hours- 24 hours a day. It was so easy to read her cues back then (rooting) to tell when she was hungry. After a couple of weeks she fell to 2-3 hours in between feedings. Soon I was watching the clock for 3 hours start to start, but would feed her early if she wanted to. Now that she's more active, I still watch the clock and feed her early if she wants  and feed her late if she's sleeping or clearly not interested in feeding.

I feed her 5-6 times a day-- at night it's on demand and I let her decide if she needs to eat after she goes to bed. I was just at the pedi on Monday and she's gaining weight nicely (15 lbs at 4 months).

This might sound weird but since I sort of watch for 3 hours on the clock, I swear she knows when 3 hours is up. Sometimes she gets crabby or wakes up right at the 3 hour mark. Weird!

jenn43

rds51510 said:

I think I agree with the PP that say watch the baby not the clock, except I sort of did and still do both. When LO first arrived it was every two hours- 24 hours a day. It was so easy to read her cues back then (rooting) to tell when she was hungry. After a couple of weeks she fell to 2-3 hours in between feedings. Soon I was watching the clock for 3 hours start to start, but would feed her early if she wanted to. Now that she's more active, I still watch the clock and feed her early if she wants  and feed her late if she's sleeping or clearly not interested in feeding.

I feed her 5-6 times a day-- at night it's on demand and I let her decide if she needs to eat after she goes to bed. I was just at the pedi on Monday and she's gaining weight nicely (15 lbs at 4 months).

This might sound weird but since I sort of watch for 3 hours on the clock, I swear she knows when 3 hours is up. Sometimes she gets crabby or wakes up right at the 3 hour mark. Weird!

I also think it's harder to read cues now that LO is 15 weeks old.  He sucks on his hands all the time, not just when hungry.  Generally if he's awake, I feed him every 2.5-3 hours.  Or if he's fussy and I can't find another reason for it.  I do feed more often in the morning at at night (every hour for a couple feeds) so that 1) I can nurse him more since he gets bottles at DC, and 2) so he gets most of his calories during the day and doesn't need to wake up at night as often to eat.

eggmankate

I agree with PP that even though DD eats every 3 hours on a schedule I would gladly feed her early if she starts crying and I know she's not tired or needs a diaper change. My guess is most who "watch the clock" are probably also not ignoring their LOs cries should they demand to be fed before it's "time".

radiohd18

 

jenn43 said:

 

I also think it's harder to read cues now that LO is 15 weeks old.  He sucks on his hands all the time, not just when hungry.  Generally if he's awake, I feed him every 2.5-3 hours.  Or if he's fussy and I can't find another reason for it.  I do feed more often in the morning at at night (every hour for a couple feeds) so that 1) I can nurse him more since he gets bottles at DC, and 2) so he gets most of his calories during the day and doesn't need to wake up at night as often to eat.

Totally THIS! It's almost like I could've written this.