Deciding on a Timeline

strickland8052

I'm 26; DH is 29. We've been married about a year and a half, and together for four years.  I've had intense baby fever that has flickered on and off (mainly on) since we got married.  H is just very practical about the matter and wants us to have our ducks in a row first, but he will be ready when he feels we are financially ready.  Both H and I have agreed that we want to save X amount of money before we TTC.  We also want to take a nice international vacation, since we didn't go on a honeymoon.  Also, we want to begin trying in the fall of whatever year, due to my work schedule. 

Now, the question is that we are trying to decide if we want to shoot for fall 2015 or fall 2016 for TTC.  If we go for fall 2015, we should just barely have the amount that we want to have saved and *maybe* enough for the international vacation (Of course, this is if no major emergencies pop up).  BUT, I think we'd be much more relaxed about the process, and we would both have more of a "if it happens it happens; if it doesn't it doesn't" attitude. 

On the other hand, if we go for fall 2016, we could have twice the amount that we want to have saved, which would be awesome.  However, by fall 2016, I think that my baby fever will have turned into psychosis (H will be borderline crazy about it too), and we will be completely devastated/paranoid if it doesn't happen immediately. Also, I realize how young 28 is, but I'm nervous about having problems since there is a family history.  On top of that, we'd ideally like to have at least two children (maybe even three) with a good bit of years spread out between them.

What are your thoughts on this?  Do you think it is better to TTC the moment you are ready OR start when you are more than ready?

Note: We are talking about all of this now (so early), because we have been trying to decide if I should sign up for short term disability (for maternity leave) when open enrollment comes up.

NoleGirl9

My DH and I have a year out timeline for some of the same reasons, saving money and traveling. Could we wait longer and be in a better position? Sure. But will we be ready in a year? I believe so. If not we can adjust the timeline, it's not set in stone. You never know how long TTC could take, just make sure you are ready month 1. It could happen...
As for STD, I am already signed up for it. Mine is not that expensive and sometimes accidents happen. It's not only for maternity leave.

magdalina.h

We decided before getting married that we were going to start trying in 2 years. In those 2 years we had everything lined up (insurance wise) and did some traveling.

kelsz12

When my husband and I married, we ideally wanted to keep our 5-year plan before TTC. I'm thankful and we were fortunate to travel a lot in our first year of marriage because it took one 'oops' for me to get pregnant. I am thankful that we both have good jobs but we will have to manage paying down our debt with a baby in tow. Despite that, becoming parents is the one thing that my husband and I have both wanted more than anything. We both love kids and the desire to have a family was stronger than anything else in our lives. 

Being pregnant with our first child is the highlight of both of our lives thus far and as for everything else, we will be able to manage it as it comes. I applaud you and your husband for being so meticulous and conscientious of your lifelong decisions.

jennypolkadots

We had pretty much the same goals as you. We wanted to finish college. We wanted to get jobs that would be better for a baby (flexible schedules, good benefits, etc.). We wanted to own a house near great schools. We wanted to save money and feel like we can afford the monthly $$ of a baby. We wanted to go on a big international trip that cost us $10K. It took us 3 years after marriage to feel ready, but everyone is different.

I get that you want to talk and plan, but I don't actually know anyone who set a date 2 years away and that worked out for them. Things change and come up. Several years ago we thought it would be 5+ years for us, but things fell into place and it just felt right so here we are much much sooner. We also got pg during that international trip, first month trying regardless of lousy timing from travel. So it can be done.. but really don't count on it because I think it is like a 20% chance even if you have perfect cycles. 

strickland8052

Kimbus22 said:

I'd split the difference and try in Spring 2016.  But I see no reason to aim for certain times of year since it could take 3 days or 3 years to get KU.

My job is crazy busy between the months of January and April, but not much goes on during the other months.  It is almost expected that people here plan their babies around the busy months (not that they could fire you if you did have to take maternity leave during the busy months... it just looks bad, and I want to avoid it). 

Our plan is to start trying in an August (whether next year or the next).  If it didn't work by that January, we would then stop trying and wait until the following August to try again  The fact that we are limiting our TTC time to fall/winter is part of the reason I want to go ahead and start as early as possible.

delujm0

From your busy months I'm going to assume you're in public accounting or some other financial field? I am a CPA and was in public accounting for 5 years. If I was TTC while I worked there I would have started in the fall too...but understand that it could take a long time for you to get pregnant. You could wind up due in March. Your family is more important than missing part of one busy season.

A major partner at my old firm was due in March with her second...and it didn't affect her career at all. Start in fall if you really want to, just to be safe...but be ok with it not happening quickly and potentially winding up due during your busy time.

strickland8052

To those who are now questioning my decision to *attempt* to minimize work absences during our busy time:

I realize that anything could happen.... babies come early, pregnancy sometimes leads to bed rest, etc, etc.  However, in my opinion, there is a big difference between having your due date fall smack dab in the middle of the busy season (avoidable) and having an unexpected emergency that requires you to miss work during that same time (unavoidable).  Pregnancy or no pregnancy, anything could happen at any time of the year that might cause me to miss work.  If such happens, my employer will understand (heck! they'd be breaking the law if they didn't!)  However, I have decided that I want to TRY to not miss a bunch of work during our busy months.

I did not intend this post to be about whether or not I should try to coordinate my baby and work plans.  That is a decision I have already made.

I meant for this post to be about whether you should TTC when you are 99.7% ready or 125% ready. 

sundaesprinkles

@strickland8052‌ I can definitely relate to your situation. I'm a tax preparer that works for my dad. At the time it was just the two of us in the business. It would have been really bad if I had a baby January - April. So unfortunately I didn't have the freedom to TTC whenever we wanted to. I had to plan ahead of time. 

We had planned to TTC in August 2013 because we wanted to sell our house first and move into another one before baby. But otherwise we were ready in 2012. As I was reading more about fertility I started to get nervous. What if it didn't happen right away? I only had so many months a year to try. We decided that we would rather TTC earlier than we had originally planned and deal with the stress of selling a house and moving with a baby, than waiting another year and potentially not being successful right away. We picked having a baby earlier than we had planned rather than later.

So we started TTC in August 2012 and we were very lucky and I got pregnant on the first cycle. We had our son in May 2013. And yes I realize he could have been born early or I could have been put on bed rest. We can't plan everything, but I tried my best to avoid intentionally having a baby born during tax season at least. I am so grateful everything worked out and I know we were lucky.

So fast forward to now and he is 15 months old and we still haven't even listed our house yet! We had a lot of work to do on the house and we've been working at a snail's pace because of the baby. We are finally almost ready to list now. It has been very stressful. We're moving back to our hometown where all our families still live and it would have been a whole lot easier if we had moved before the baby. But in the end I knew that it would be worse for me if we had waited until the "perfect" time and then we had trouble getting pregnant.

I don't know your work situation, but in my situation it was 100% necessary to at least attempt to avoid having a baby during those months. If you work for a firm of several people and they can absorb your workload I wouldn't worry about it at all. 

Good luck!

delujm0

I think it's really nice of you to try to work around your employer's busy schedule...i have to assume you haven't been in public accounting long (if that's what you do).  Because by the time i busted out of that hellhole, i was PRAYING i'd get pregnant at a time that would enable me to miss a busy season.  But when i first started, i would have tried to avoid it if i could.

 

Start trying in the fall, and if it doesn't happen, just keep trying.  You tried your best to time it well, but if it doesn't work out, don't push it off for another 6 months.  As i said earlier, your family is more important than missing a few months of work.  i would never try to avoid for that much of the year if i wanted to have a baby.

 

I am trying to avoid if i don't conceive this cycle...but only for my next cycle, because otherwise my due date would be +/- 7 days of my sister's wedding...which is a 9 hour drive from where i live.  And i want to go.  Taking a month off doesn't really concern me, but taking 6 months off would.  And even then, we're kind of just going to not actively try but also not prevent next month.  If i can't make my sister's wedding, so be it.  i will Facetime my MOH speech and everything will be fine.

 

I don't think anyone ever feels 100% ready to have a baby, FWIW.  But i know when i get pregnant we will do our bet to make ourselves as close to 100% ready as possible when the baby arrives.

Stinger2Be

I was in a similar situation and I wanted to get my entire "before baby bucket list" done. Then one day, I decided that we are never going to be perfectly ready and some times you just have to let go and do what you want to do! I finally let go of the idea that everything had to be entirely perfect before we conceived. Our baby just turned a year old and everything turned out amazingly good luck in whatever you decide is right for you

strickland8052

jefa621 said:

LOL at 125% ready.  Math is hard apparently.

Why are some people on this board so catty? 

125% was meant to be an exaggeration.  Aware of the fact that percentages only go up to 100%, I was using this exaggeration to demonstrate that I would be more than ready to have a baby at said time. 

Congratulations on passing middle school math.  You are going to have to do a lot more than that to make me question my intelligence.

strickland8052

sundaesprinkles said:

@strickland8052‌ I can definitely relate to your situation. I'm a tax preparer that works for my dad. At the time it was just the two of us in the business. It would have been really bad if I had a baby January - April. So unfortunately I didn't have the freedom to TTC whenever we wanted to. I had to plan ahead of time. 

We had planned to TTC in August 2013 because we wanted to sell our house first and move into another one before baby. But otherwise we were ready in 2012. As I was reading more about fertility I started to get nervous. What if it didn't happen right away? I only had so many months a year to try. We decided that we would rather TTC earlier than we had originally planned and deal with the stress of selling a house and moving with a baby, than waiting another year and potentially not being successful right away. We picked having a baby earlier than we had planned rather than later.

So we started TTC in August 2012 and we were very lucky and I got pregnant on the first cycle. We had our son in May 2013. And yes I realize he could have been born early or I could have been put on bed rest. We can't plan everything, but I tried my best to avoid intentionally having a baby born during tax season at least. I am so grateful everything worked out and I know we were lucky.

So fast forward to now and he is 15 months old and we still haven't even listed our house yet! We had a lot of work to do on the house and we've been working at a snail's pace because of the baby. We are finally almost ready to list now. It has been very stressful. We're moving back to our hometown where all our families still live and it would have been a whole lot easier if we had moved before the baby. But in the end I knew that it would be worse for me if we had waited until the "perfect" time and then we had trouble getting pregnant.

I don't know your work situation, but in my situation it was 100% necessary to at least attempt to avoid having a baby during those months. If you work for a firm of several people and they can absorb your workload I wouldn't worry about it at all. 

Good luck!

Thank you!  It sounds like your situation is a lot like mine.  Maybe we will just go ahead and shoot for next year. eek!

ashiscute

OP- I think what others are saying is that why wait an additional year for your employer?  No need to put your life on hold for someone else.  I'd try as soon as I felt ready (which 100% ready is sort of like a fairy land to me.  There's always something else you could have ready done) which 97% is ready to me. 

FWIW, at my job when I got pregnant with DD it was discouraged to take time off between Jan 1- April 1 as that was our busy season.  We were allowed to take 5 days off maximum in those months.  Guess when DD was born?  January 28.  Guess how much I cared?  

fboker

My husband is an accountant so I totally agree with trying to plan the timing and hope to do the same! He has to work nearly every Saturday from February through April and I just can't see having a kids birthday party without him there!! Good luck!

strickland8052

Budders12 said:

OP, here is my advice to you: Plan to re-evaluate in fall 2015. Do everything you can to save and travel in the next year and then sit down next Fall and say, "are we ready"? If not, keep saving and working toward your version of "ready". H and I did that on our first anniversary. I thought we might be ready and then, and we really weren't. We wanted more time alone before kids and to pay down some loans. We decided to re-evaluate in June 2014, and at that time, we had accomplished these goals and were both all in. It's the best way to approach it, in my opinion, since you really can't know today what is right for you (and what you think and we suggest as the right time might not turn out to be so).

Thanks!  This is great advice!