Different parenting styles

Robeano

Does anybody else have close friends or family with totally different parenting styles than yourself?

After spending the week camping with mysister I am frustrated with her. She is very casual with her parenting style, very much "oh everybody else can help take care of my kids cuz we're a community". Which was mostly her taking off without telling anybody and leaving us to watch her kids. She is all about kid lead everything, even her oldest who is 7 and is starting to show a temper, no real firm discipline I feel.

Now the point is not to complain but to ask advice on perspective. I don't want to get into a mommy war with my sister. But I just don't agree with her parenting style. She mostly follows attatchment style parenting, what positives do you see in that style? Any tips on "letting it go" without disengaging with her and her family? (I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of person lol)

TJ1979

Ugh, I have the same issue with my brother. Some things they are insanely strict about, and other things they let the kid railroad them every time. And if it comes down to picking battles, I always feel like they are choosing the wrong battles.

Luckily we don't spend much time with them. I don't think you can really change anyone's ideas on parenting. I mostly just have to ignore what bothers me. I know that's totally unhelpful

Jenny935

Yeah, we have a couple friends who refuse to let their kids cry or be sad about anything. We're more of the "I told you not to throw it, so go ahead and cry about the fact that I took it away" type. But I feel like parenting is one of those things that everyone has to do what works for them, even if others don't agree. Because I know some of my friends think I'm the meanest person ever.

luvboston

My friend who went through if is a nightmare parent she tells her 6 month old to shut up and sent her to daycare with hoof and mouth after 4 days not waiting the whole time and she's off work for the summer.

I just try to set a good example in front of her and give her solid advice when she asks, that's really all you can do. However I would tell your sister that your not her kids keepers.

mcgeeva

I honestly just can't spend a lot of time with people that don't parent similarly. Makes it too tough. And I don't want to correct anyone either so easier to not be around. My brother and his wife I disagree with EVERYThing they do so I just don't see them much. I would probably not say anything unless asked and choose not to do another family vacation again. 

3JTMom

I found this great website that shows different parenting styles https://bit.ly/VgxdIN. Sometimes I just remember that their parenting styles are really out of my control, but that doesn't mean I can't engaged the child on a level where we can relate. I also try not to cover up any behavior that might be a result of a parenting style. They need to know the ramifications of their choices. Keep loving your sis and when she asks for advice, don't hesitate to give it. Hugs mama!

queenbone

I more strict than many of my friends, so it isn't uncommon for me to be telling their children, "No, please" often.

JBDamonM

This is my sister and I to a tee! And although she has never said it, I know that she thinks I am too strict and regimented because I stick to a (early) bedtime and say no to certain events if I feel they are setting my daughter up for a failure. I also say no to things (like Christmas morning) for family time of my own.....she doesn't get any of this. Her kids go to bed after 9. Since they were little she's always kept them up too late - missing their window and then they get overtired and wired. And they almost always fall asleep on the couch. I try really hard not to pass judgement but its hard. And it's maddening to me because I feel like since she had kids first, the rest of my family tends to follow her lead in what is the right way to do things. Her kids also never ever say please. It makes me crazy, to the point where I correct them. Needless to say we don't hang out a hell of a lot.

summererobinson

Personally I find the best way to let it go is to remember that it is not any of your business how she parents. They are not your kids. You don’t want people telling you how to raise your kids, so remember that

 

However, you can tell her you have no intentions of watching her kids so she can go off.

I have very different parenting styles than my sister and best friend. We all follow the above advice and keep our opinions to ourselves.

di0607

We are friends with a couple that has 2 kids almost the same age as ours. We rarely go to each other's houses because I simply can't/don't want to discipline their kids. They for the most part let them do whatever they want--- that's fine until they hurt or are mean to my kids. I just tell them to knock it off. We usually meet in a neutral place like park, dinner, etc. then everyone goes to their homes. It's really hard to respect the way they handle "situations".

Mnerani

I wouldn't take kindly to anyone commenting on our parenting style, since we are very purposeful about the way we parent and I am confident in the choices we make with DS.

However, when other people's parenting style affects my family in certain ways, I think it's fair to speak up. That includes if someone is leaving their kid with me without asking (or for a lot longer than agreed), if their kid is hitting mine and they aren't intervening, if they are offering my kid sugary snacks without asking, etc. I think that most things you're talking about are just annoyances but she shouldn't expect childcare without specifically asking for it. Yuck!

Robeano

Ya, you all make really good points. I guess part of the issue isn't even how she parents it's also lifestyle choices. It's just really hard for me to feel close to her when I disagree with the way she does things. No common denominator you know? I guess I had hoped having children would bring me and my sister closer together, but it isn't and that makes me sad.

summererobinson

Some people just can’t be that close Maybe try to find other things you have in common? Shopping? Scrapbooking? I have been best friends with my best friend since i was 8. She doesn’t agree with a lot of the things i let my son do ( like watch whatever he wants and plays M rated games since age 5) i told her upfront i did not care at all what she thought and to keep it to herself. It made things easier because i dont say anything about how she does stuff. Instead, we focus on the things that make us friends other than kids