1st B-day Help?

erinkay85

Ok, my little guys 1st birthday will be December 21st.. I know, it's a couple months away.

My in laws live out of state and we would like to see them for the holidays and also to celebrate ds's birthday.

In the past my MIL has thrown a surprise Bridal Shower and then another surprise Baby Shower for me, which I really appreciate, but it means we always end up with tons of gifts (some we didn't even ask/register for). Which makes traveling back home pretty difficult and then we have had to mail back some large packages.

I also feel like every time we are out to visit, it's for a party of some sort (we had our ds baptized in March out there as well) and people give us gifts.

I'd like to plan and have a 1st birthday party for my ds... But I want to request No Gifts, and then if people would like, I would want to suggest a book for his library or a contribution to his college fund that his grandparents set up for him.

So, how do I say that without being ungrateful or tacky?

VegasGal1978

I feel like it's all or nothing. You can say no gifts or you can accept what you get. I'm not sure you should stipulate books or college fund contributions. Personally, that just feels wrong to me.

If you put no gifts on the invite, you could tell anyone who personally asks that a book would be great, but I think asking for $$ is a bit tacky.

Just my opinion. Happy planning!

WatchmansMoon

Dec 21 is my Hubby's birthday, too  I really like the idea of asking for no gifts and just contributions to a college fund or something.  It doesn't seem tacky at all to me.  Some may not abide by your suggestion, but that's okay too.  You'll not get as many gifts to bring home at least.  Blessings!

jtmomma13

somerandomchick said:

Asking for no gifts, or specifying what gifts to give, us rude. Period. You should not mention gifts on the invite. Don't mention gifts unless somebody ASKS you. If you don't want a ton of gifts, don't have a big birthday party. We just had LOs grandparents & aunts and uncles.

This. Completely rude to tell people what to buy. 

Slpafford

IMPO.....I think it is completely tacky to ask people to bring specific gifts. It is thier money and therefore they can spend it on what they want. The only time you should mention any gift is if someone asks you for ideas.

MaybeKatie10

Ugh. Asking people to fund YOUR child's college education is about as tacky as it gets. You're the parent. YOU pay for your kid's college.

I want to get a kid a toy and see him smile. I do NOT want to fund his future liberal arts degree.

If you don't like that, then maybe you and your child deserve NOTHING? And if you want nothing. DO NOT HAVE A PARTY. 

Ugh. Donate to a college education fund--I thought I'd seen it all. *shakes head sadly.

DawnJM25

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think there's anything wrong with specifying books. I wouldn't ask for money for college, though, and I wouldn't say "no gifts unless you want to get books or contribute to college fund." I might say something like "In place of a gift, _______ would love books to expand his library!" Or something like that.  I've been to baby showers before where the new mom requests books. Personally I like to know what people need. You could also have grandparents help spread the word to guests that books are a lot easier for you to mail home than bigger gifts of toys, etc.

DawnJM25

somerandomchick said:

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think there's anything wrong with specifying books. I wouldn't ask for money for college, though, and I wouldn't say "no gifts unless you want to get books or contribute to college fund." I might say something like "In place of a gift, _______ would love books to expand his library!" Or something like that.  I've been to baby showers before where the new mom requests books. Personally I like to know what people need. You could also have grandparents help spread the word to guests that books are a lot easier for you to mail home than bigger gifts of toys, etc.

A book is not in lieu of a gift. A book IS a gift.

Yea, not the best way to word it, but my point was that I don't see a problem with requesting books.  Especially if OP will need to mail the gifts home.

DawnJM25

jnetx said:

somerandomchick said:

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think there's anything wrong with specifying books. I wouldn't ask for money for college, though, and I wouldn't say "no gifts unless you want to get books or contribute to college fund." I might say something like "In place of a gift, _______ would love books to expand his library!" Or something like that.  I've been to baby showers before where the new mom requests books. Personally I like to know what people need. You could also have grandparents help spread the word to guests that books are a lot easier for you to mail home than bigger gifts of toys, etc.

A book is not in lieu of a gift. A book IS a gift.

Yea, not the best way to word it, but my point was that I don't see a problem with requesting books.  Especially if OP will need to mail the gifts home.

Nope. Telling people how to spend their money is not ok. OP can suggest books IF ASKED, but cannot simply request them, on an invitation, verbally, or otherwise.

I'm surprised by the hostility to this response.  If you received an invite to a 1st birthday that requested books as gifts you would buy something else anyway?  Or not buy a gift at all?  Or not attend the party?  Not trying to be snarky, just curious.

olga1311

Its extremely rude and tacky to mention gifts on your invitation. Its rude, tacky and gift grabby.

You cant tell people how to spend their money and what gift to bring. What's next? Assigning each a gift they need to bring to the party as if it was a potluck dish? 

There is just no way to get this message across on the invitation without offending people and getting a major eye roll from your guests. The only way is word of mouth and if they ask you for registry info to tell them you prefer no gifts etc. I would not mention the college fund even by word of mouth though (other then family maybe).

MaybeKatie10

I'm surprised by the hostility to this response.  If you received an invite to a 1st birthday that requested books as gifts you would buy something else anyway?  Or not buy a gift at all?  Or not attend the party?  Not trying to be snarky, just curious.

Good question. 

If you were just a friend....

I would buy you NOTHING. I would not attend the birthday party. And we would slowly "lose touch" as friends. The reason being, if you have the nerve to actually ask me for specific presents, YOU are actually telling ME that we are not really friends. You are treating me like a walking, talking credit card and not a person you care about. This is about 20 times worse when you actually ask me for money to 'donate' to ANY fund. (Even charity) Why not just quit calling me Katie? Why not just address me like this: "Hello my living breathing ATM!" 

Yeah. When you ask me for gifts, I realize I hold no value to you as a person. Instead, all you care about is what is in my wallet. So the "friendship" is over. 

If you are family....

I can't get away from you. So I will ignore your request, buy whatever I wanted to buy in the first place, and talk smack about you behind your back.

Personally, I don't get why people would actually risk losing friends and/or offending the people they propose to care about over a couple of bucks....but then again, asking for a couple of bucks pretty much tells me they never cared about these people in the first place, so they might not care.

Sad. Just sad. 

jtmomma13

somerandomchick said:

jnetx said:

somerandomchick said:

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't think there's anything wrong with specifying books. I wouldn't ask for money for college, though, and I wouldn't say "no gifts unless you want to get books or contribute to college fund." I might say something like "In place of a gift, _______ would love books to expand his library!" Or something like that.  I've been to baby showers before where the new mom requests books. Personally I like to know what people need. You could also have grandparents help spread the word to guests that books are a lot easier for you to mail home than bigger gifts of toys, etc.

A book is not in lieu of a gift. A book IS a gift.

Yea, not the best way to word it, but my point was that I don't see a problem with requesting books.  Especially if OP will need to mail the gifts home.

Nope. Telling people how to spend their money is not ok. OP can suggest books IF ASKED, but cannot simply request them, on an invitation, verbally, or otherwise.

I'm surprised by the hostility to this response.  If you received an invite to a 1st birthday that requested books as gifts you would buy something else anyway?  Or not buy a gift at all?  Or not attend the party?  Not trying to be snarky, just curious.

What I would do depends on how much I like this person. It's generally considered rude to actually TELL somebody they're being rude--so your friends and family probably won't say anything... To your face.

It's the same thing with baby showers. I wouldn't ever do it and I side eye people that do. I think it's tacky and rude. 

If I am invited to a party that says to bring a book as a card or to bring diapers or any of that other crap...I will usually bring something but I will take the amount out of what I would normally spend. I typically spend $75-100 for a shower gift and $40-50 for a birthday gift...if you want a book or diapers, I am going to spend less on the actual gift. Because a book or diapers is an actual gift, IMO.