Creepy and perhaps in denial??

mrandmrsv

Hi Ladies, 

I recently joined and posted an Introduction just a little while ago.

It's been just over 3 weeks since my D&C. Although I still get emotional and have my moments I feel like I'm doing much better.

However.....

I've pretty much stayed in and haven't left the house unless I was making an absolutely necessary grocery run. Been doing lots of reading, online shopping and social network stalking..

Over the last week and a half that I've been going into maternity sections of online shopping sites and putting things into my cart. I obviously have no need for these items but somehow find the whole process kinda comforting. I've also been checking out "#maternitystyle" etc on Instagram a lot. 

Whenever I see pregnant women on the street or at the supermarket I instantly get emotional but for some reason I've been (almost obsessively) checking them out online. 

I feel like I'm being kinda creepy and this is probably super unhealthy but I find something therapeutic about it. Or perhaps I'm in denial?

I have no idea what's going on with me but I know this all is sounding totally crazy...

I was just wondering if anyone else have done this or been through a phase like this???

littlecookie

I haven't. Pregnant women were actually hard for me to see for awhile. I'm not sure that putting the clothing in your cart is bad necessarily, but I might mention it to my doctor if I felt like I couldn't leave the house.

jbasore1123

I kinda went through that. It was hard to see a pregnant woman IRL but I became obsessed with looking at "baby" boards on pinterest.
Hang in there ((hugs))

Lalalady54

I am so sorry for your loss, I did this periodically after my D&C, I would still look at maternity clothes on sale and think oh maybe I should buy that...for the future. I think it was my way of being optimistic that I would in fact have another pregnancy and that it would hopefully result in a baby. As other posters have said, the not leaving your house part of your statement is more concerning. I felt being outside after my loss was therapeutic, I needed to be around people, to talk about my loss to those closest to me, to process my emotions. (I will say that as part of my job I deal with families going through loss very regularly and so I may process my emotions differently and I knew what I needed in my saddest moments, and it helped me as I navigated my own loss) I hope that you can find someone to talk to, that they can help you process your sadness and that they can be the support you need. 

meredithcarole

lav17 said:

I am sorry for your loss ((hugs)) I don't think it's creepy that you look at maternity things online. If you did that before the loss maybe your mind needs some time to adjust to the change. I know I don't let go of things easily. Not leaving the house - was that different before the loss? Are you cancelling things so you can stay home or just not seeking out opportunities to go out? I feel like 3 weeks is still relatively soon after the loss. I didn't want to socialize and still cried a lot at that point. Obviously, if that concerns you or maybe even those close to you, it's a good idea to look into therapy. It's normal to grieve and there are different ways people cope, but there is nothing shameful in seeking help if you feel like you cannot handle the emotions effectively on your own. If you feel like your behaviors are damaging in any way (to you, your relationships, finances, career, etc.), that's a good indication to take that step.

This is kind of my thought, too. Three weeks isn't necessarily cause for alarm depending on whether you are just avoiding making plans or if you are actually getting into a panic about having to leave your house. I didn't leave the house for about 10 days after and I remember that I was just a zombie at work for the next 2 weeks. I sat at my desk (I am a chef, so we don't really sit at desks) and just did paperwork so I didn't have to deal with anyone. Seeing a therapist can really help and I encourage you to seek out someone to speak to if you are feeling like this for much longer. ((Hugs)).

And ((hugs)) to you @EurydiceNymph. I am so happy you found a new therapist to talk to.

mrandmrsv

@littlecookie

@EurydiceNymph

@CFearsy

@CharlieFox30

@lav17

@meredithcarole

Hi ladies,

Sorry I didn't mean to make you worry. It probably sounded more dramatic then I meant to.

To begin with I didn't really leave the house much anyway. 

I live in Japan due to my husband's work and most of the "friends" we have are just work acquaintances.

Because we're so isolated over here, we do socialize and have more personal relationships than the average "professional relationship", but we do keep certain things private and this pregnancy & MMC is one of those things. All the other wives have small children and a few are pregnant so I do avoid seeing them. Unfortunately that leaves me with no one to really go out and spend time with other than my husband.

It would also be quite difficult to find a counselor/therapist that can speak English well enough. I do feel ok. 

I had my husband walking the dogs for the first week and a half or so but I have started pushing myself to take them just so that I can get some fresh air and get out of the house.

@ashtog That sounds like such a difficult situation. I can't decide if I wish I had a bunch of ppl around me that do know me and my situation or that it's good that I'm here on my without ppl coming up to me like in your situation. Part of the problem is I just don't know what I need or want from ppl.

@jbasore1123

@lalalady54

As for the maternity clothing/baby gear, it probably is me just adjusting and grieving. And although it is hard for me to see anything baby related in real life, I do think part of the online obsession/stalking is me trying to be optimistic for the future.

@momentomori Taking all the hugs I can get!

***Thank you to all of you ladies. It's so nice to have a loving, supportive group of women to come and share my thoughts and feelings to. I hope I can be just as supportive to you in times of need. Joining this community has by far been the best thing I could've done for myself since my MMD. Sending out big hugs to all you and hope you have a great weekend.***

mrandmrsv

@PetraStoneGirl Thank you so much. I couldn't agree more. ALL of you ladies in this forum have been my rock the last few weeks. Appreciating the advice, support and hugs so much

mrandmrsv

@estamos_tomamos Thank you so much. So wishing I could just be pregnant again...you're totally right. I'm just waiting for my AF and also to figure out what's going on in my heart and head. Want to make sure that I want to start TTC again bc I'm truly ready and not to try and replace what we've lost....*big hugs right back at you**

mrandmrsv

@estamos_tomamos Oh my goodness! It must have been a long and exhausting day for you. Please be kind to yourself and get lots of rest. I have to agree it is definitely a rough road to travel...our bodies will heal much quicker than our hearts will. Please know that I think you're lovely to be able to show support during such a difficult time. Big big hugs and wishing you a smooth recovery. Please feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat.  xo