So for almost three months now I have become a foster mom. It just hit me the past few days that I don't feel like i have been enjoying and celebrating becoming a new mom like I thought I would. Yes I love him... Yes he's everything to us and more. I love being his mom... It's the most amazing bond. Yes we want to keep him and that's where the fear creeps in. How do you fully let it go and just revel in the newness or is that forever robbed from us because we are going through this different than other new moms? We have the fear of this not being our forever child and as much as I don't worry every minute that he will go back I just want to love in the moment and love being a mom... But will I be HIS mommy forever... We won't know that until next year. Just had to get this out.... See how others dealt with the day to day love of being a foster mommy!!
Me 34 and DH 39 married in aug. 2002
Did 5 round of clomid 2010 =BFN
High levels of NK CELLS DX sept.2012 DOR:# 0.02
IVF #1 May 2012 ER 4, EF 2, ET 2 =BFN
MINI IVF Oct.2012 Cancelled 10-27-12
Ivf #3 Antagonist Protocol April 2013
Shared cycle..Donor cycled in July Got 12 eggs 9 fertilized and 8 frozen!!
DE FET #1 Sept. 3rd 2013 FIRST BFP EVER 5dp5dt
miscarried Sept 24th at 5 weeks 5 days
Etopic D&C and hysterscopy Nov 5 2013
dx with pre genetic blood clotting dec 2013
FET #2 Jan 31st 2014
Miscarried for a second time again at 5 weeks 5 days
Currently fostering to adopt an amazing little 1 year old boy..P.J!