how do you take care of yourself post loss

sugarstar1784

just looking for ideas on how to take care of yourself after your loss. i am 5 days post, and nearly the same getting out of the hospital. I don't have any income right now, nor any friends. staying in the house all day by myself is making this worse...

TIA.

msunshine123

I think it's just doing whatever it is you need to do to get through each moment and through each day. It's so hard in the beginning. I did a lot of walking outside the first few weeks, writing in a journal, looking at pictures of my son, crying, reading, watching TV...I would recommend finding a perinatal bereavement group in your area - local hospitals usually hold them 1-2x/ month. It's a great way to meet people in your area who have also been through a loss. ((hugs))

OSUWifey09

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I did a lot of journal writing, watched way too much TV (I got hooked on Castle and rewatched Gilmore Girls), and I just tried to keep myself occupied in general. I didn't have a baby loss group in my area (I spent my 6 weeks of leave at my parents' house, not in my own town), but I connected with this board, and it really helped me talk my feelings out and realize that I'm not alone.

I spent a lot of time in quiet outdoor spots, too...the park, the lake, out in the country...just so I could cry or scream or clear my head without any witnesses, but also not in the house. I know it's hard not to go crazy, but keeping yourself occupied in various ways may help the time go by faster. We're also here if you ever need to talk or vent. **hugs**

Mel&John2013

@OSUwifey09 I did a lot of TV watching as well. Got hooked on Castle, it was one of the only shows I could get absorbed in and just zone out.

erinel

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I agree, TV was a good way to just zone out, and not think too much about the things actually happening.  I would recommend Gossip Girl for a good distraction.

Also, I didn't want to do it, but getting out of the house, even for a 5 min walk, is a good idea.  I know that I developed some anxiety about getting out of the house, and felt better once I got past that a little bit.

OSUWifey09

Mel&John2013 said:

@OSUwifey09 I did a lot of TV watching as well. Got hooked on Castle, it was one of the only shows I could get absorbed in and just zone out.

To this day, Castle is the one show that I will always watch, even if it's reruns. That show helped me get out of the sad zone after Devon died, and it'll always be a favorite of mine. It was so easy to get sucked into the case and watch without thinking about anything else.

Mel&John2013

OSUWifey09 said:

Mel&John2013 said:

@OSUwifey09 I did a lot of TV watching as well. Got hooked on Castle, it was one of the only shows I could get absorbed in and just zone out.

To this day, Castle is the one show that I will always watch, even if it's reruns. That show helped me get out of the sad zone after Devon died, and it'll always be a favorite of mine. It was so easy to get sucked into the case and watch without thinking about anything else.

Agreed. We now own all 6 seasons and I'll still watch if a rerun is on TV.

lexusolsen

Journaling, hulu (basic), library books, the bump, are all free. I also made a shadow box with Ben's blanket, id bracelet, pictures, and his stats in the first few days after we lost him answered home from the hospital. Recently I put together a scrapbook of pictures and keepsakes. I am having a harder time doing the one for my pregnancy.

kz's_girlygirl

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The first days home after Jesse was born are a bit of a blur-  My mom stayed with me since DH went back to work after two days.  I made myself shower and put on some make up every day (even if I stayed in bed until after noon...)  I sat on the couch A LOT.  I read my kindle, was on this board all of the time, and sat out in the yard with my chickens (and my kindle- I had to keep other stories in my head and not think about mine for a while).  It was October and we lived in PA so I really enjoyed sitting outside in the cool air wrapped in a shawl with a mug of tea. 

If you have a park nearby, maybe you can take a walk there and just sit for a while.  (I would personally avoid one with a playground though- maybe more something with walking trails.) 

Do you have any family that you can/would want to reach out to? 

3 wks out from Jesse's birth I went to a support group (I had been before because is was an infertility/loss support group and we dealt with infertility).  It was so comforting and I actually looked forward to each monthly meeting.

It is about survival-  do what you can and what you are comfortable with. 

AshersMom11

While I was at home I watched a lot of TV. My husband got 6 seasons of the Big Bang Theory for Christmas last year so I would sit and watch one DVD after another.

I also learned how to crochet and that also gave me something else to focus on. When I started to feel physically better I would go out and take walks with our dog.

Manada

For the first couple of weeks after we lost our girls we basically only did things to take care of them and their
Memorial, and people came over and sat with us while we told them about our babies. They brought food, or we ordered takeout and we just talked, cried, or they distracted us with their lives.

After 2.5 weeks my partner started back at work part-time and we were going to therapy regularly. Now I just go to therapy, support groups, watch tv, and read books at home. That's pretty much it. I sometimes do an errand if I feel bold, or call people to deal with paperwork... But usually that's only if I have the energy. Often every few days I just have to spend the day on the couch and nap, and that's okay.

In the beginning I was afraid to be alone, and my partner was great at being supportive and making sure I wasn't alone for long, and never if I was uncomfortable. My feeling currently is that I just do things as I feel able, so I add things back into my life slowly now.

LyndseyTS

PPs have great ideas so I won't say too much. I spent a LOT of time reading all sorts of books and being on this board when I needed someone who could relate (whether posting or just reading). Counseling has been helpful and I found a non-profit one (pay what you can, basically). Maybe there is something like that near you. It can be tough to find resources. Just take it one day at a time and do what you need to to survive.

CheesyPeas

I did a lot of reading, and I played cell phone games.  That helped me get through the days without emotionally falling apart, which in turned helped me regain an appetite and heal physically.  Once I was physically healed, I felt like I had more options.  I could drive myself to the library, go for walks, clean and organize the house, etc. I see this post is a couple of days old now; hopefully you've been hanging in there okay.

Maybe Joleisa

My DH went back to work a few days after our loss, so I was home by myself. I wasn't able to sleep much those first few weeks, but I spent most of the day laying around in bed reading stuff on my iPad. This forum was very comforting to me, as I don't have any friends who have experienced loss. I found the website https://stillstandingmag.com/ and read and read and read and read. Reading about other people's stories, their feelings and their ability to move forward made what I was experiencing seem more normal. I bought a book off of Amazon for me (Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby) and one for DH (forget the title, but it was really short).

My loss was during the winter and one sunny day I gathered up enough courage to leave the house for a pedicure. I get to the nail salon and the owner opens the door and says, "Such a nice day--are you happy?" I turned around, went home and didn't leave the house again for about a week!    Leaving the house is hard, but getting outside for a little bit of sunshine would be good for you--good luck, hun.

TeamWinForever

In the immediate post loss period, after my hubby went back to work, like many others, I turned to tv series. I rewatched two of my favorites, Gilmore Girls and Parenthood from the beginnings. For me, I had to watch something where I already knew exactly what was going to happen; no surprises. It also made me feel slightly better to know that I could still laugh at the things that I used to find funny, cry at the things that I used to find sad. It made me feel like somehow I could get through this intact. Weird I know. I also spent a lot of time here and reading articles on Still Standing. I couldn't get out of the house as quickly bc I was recovering from the c section but I agree that once you feel up to it, getting some sun can be good. I hope you have been doing alright these past few days. Remember to just take it one day at a time

VyD81

Everyone has given you great suggestions. Take it one day at a time and if you feel like leaving the house, that's fine, if not, that's also ok.

My mom flown in to take care of me for 10 days, but I didn't talk to her too much as I was numbed from everything. She did all the cooking and cleaning for me and I basically just read a lot and put together puzzles. After 2 weeks, I went back to work as I couldn't see myself sitting at home any longer. I had an office so it was nice to be able to shut the door and only dealt with people through emails, and my boss told everyone to leave me alone unless it's work related. Once I could exercise again, DH and I walked our dogs after dinner so I can get fresh air. 

soulcupcake

(((hugs)))

I felt like a zombie for weeks, and I was just functioning to get by so I could be there for my other kids. It was also holiday season, so that aided as a distraction. But I poured myself into a few support groups, writing/journaling (started a blog), and music as a form of therapy. My midwife and her apprentice came by our house either the day we returned home from the hospital, or day after, and brought me a basket with a candle, white sage (for smudging), a bottle with ocean water, a seashell, and sand. It was very comforting and soothing, and the white sage helped a lot. To this day I still smudge with white sage. The scent, while brings me back to that time, is comforting because I feel especially close to him when I use it.

That week we visited the funeral home to go over our options and the logistics involving cremation and all that. Those early weeks were/are very tough. I was pretty numb, and still in shock. But there are things you can do that are very therapeutic. There are resources and support, like Carly Marie's Project Heal, here. And there's Still Standing Magazine. A list of blogs. I also have a list on my own blog. Still Life 365 (we were in the same due date club). October 15th Remembrance Day.

Poppy715

I watched a lot of tv, slept and bumped. I found the TTCAL board quickly and made like minded friends.

Do you have any hobbies you enjoyed prior to your loss? Scrapbooking, cooking, knitting. Going for a walk or run can help clear your mind as well once you've recovered physically. Try to keep yourself busy. It really will help. I'm so sorry you are stuggling. ((((hugs))))