Not enjoying my pregnancy

nicolaved

So this topic is a bit controversial but I'm desperate to get it off my chest so here goes.
My pregnancy has been filled with such stress since 13 weeks that now I'm struggling enjoy it at all. After 2 threatened miscarriages, finding a huge blood clot in my uterus, the constant bleeding since the first threatened miscarriage and now my gestational diabetes diagnosis I feel like I could just give up I've been sent home to prepare for the worst twice now and with that and the new complications I just feel beaten down and dispondant about the entire thing.
We decided to get a Doppler to help evieviate some of the anxiety my partner and I had and now I don't even want to use it and only do if my partner asks to hear the baby's heart beat, I force a smile and try not to ruin it for him but all I feel is shame for feeling so disconnected, embarrassment that I can't keep this baby safe like other pregnant mums and resentment that the complications cause such upheaval to my own body.
I'm thankful for my baby please don't get me wrong, and up until 13 weeks I was the ever glowing excited mum to be, but now I struggle with these feelings and just pray for it to all be over. I just want to enjoy this time and share the special moments with the man I love, but I feel so disconnected from it all. It's so hard to talk about it because people can't understand how I could feel this way and assume I'm not thankful for the pregnancy.
Everyone I've tried to open up to about it doesn't understand or finds it offensive in some way so this is my last ditch effort to find someone that might know how this feels or has gone through something similar

sanbry

Pregnancy can be a very stressful time when you're having complications, it's hard to connect for fear of what could happen. Hugs to you!

singahappysong

I personally don't know what you are going through, but I want to offer online support. Each pregnancy is different, anyone who tries to tell you or make you feel like you should be enjoying every single second and always be happy is stupid. Not only are your emotions going crazy, but you are going through some crazy crap!

My advice: take a vacation. I don't mean go and leave somewhere, but I mean pamper yourself with what you need/want. Being alone and getting your hair done? Do it. Go out with your friends till late at night? Do it (no drinking too much ), and sleep in the next day! Anything that helps you unwind, do it. You deserve it.

And you are not alone. I'm glad you posted this, just because I'm sure there are others out there reading this who feel the same way, but don't know what to do. So you've probably helped people just by being in the same situation. Hang in there, I'm praying it gets better quickly for you. Hugs!

nicolaved

Thanks so much guys, just hearing that it's ok makes me feel so much better. I really appreciate your comments and support xx

jaxx723

I'm so sorry you feel this way and that you have had to face so many challenges during your pregnancy the past few weeks, but your feelings are totally valid! 

During my worst moments, I told my husband that I hated being pregnant.  I even admitted that I was scared to have another pregnancy after this one because it was so bad.  

I admire your strength for being able to reach out to others when you are in need.  The support of those around you is so huge during difficult times.  It's what helps you through these challenges.  I hope things get better for you!

NatureLovers

Try not to feel bad. The media sells this fairy tale idea of pregnancy and it's not like that for everyone. I'm having a very difficult pregnancy too, and it definitely messes with your head. Disconnecting from the pregnancy is a defense mechanism. Hang in there, it will get better. Hugs.

MusicFanatic

While I can't relate, PLEASE don't feel bad for not enjoying your pregnancy. You aren't abnormal or crazy. And I wish no one made you feel as such.  Pregnancy takes a huge toll on your body (both physically, mentally and emotionally) and I imagine it's even stronger when you have issues that pop up.  I'm sorry you feel disconnected.  Hopefully with some time (and good health!) that will get better! (((hugs)))

Rochelle2012

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can say that there are moments for me as well where I feel that I don't appreciate this pregnancy and I feel like an awful prison just thinking about it. I'm also hoping that when I stat to feel some kicks and movement that all these nasty thoughts will go away and I can just be happy for a change.

xo big hugs to you!

LovelyLips

Please don't feel bad for feeling like you do. Unfortunately not all pregnancies are a walk in the park and everyone feels differently about what's happening and that's ok too.
I got sick of ppl in my 1st pregnancy rambling on about how great pregnancy is when I was so sick with HG I couldn't function.
It's hard to feel connected when you have constant worry and complications, like someone said it's just a defence mechanism and I struggled at first as I suffered a loss before this one and kept fearing the worst.

Just remind yourself that today you are pregnant and you love your baby and take every day/week as it comes.

Your baby seems strong so far and is hanging in there.
FX for you and just be patient and in time you will feel more confident and be able to bond. It does get better even if now it seems impossible.

pray67

I agree with all pps here. I think it is totally normal and obvious to feel that the pregnancy isn't worthwhile for what you are going through both physically and emotionally. I have had a miscarriage before and to this day, I live with every fear and insecurity that many of us go through during a pregnancy. I am at a stage where although I see our baby in ultrasounds etc, I am not really "seeing" a baby in my hands or feeling it as I progress each day. So I don't think I have really formed a bond yet. But I am hopeful that, that day will come soon. And, that will be a very strong factor that will help me in connecting with my baby. The fears are not going to go away nor are the tough days but like many others here and their stories it looks like it is going to be one heck of a journey that is going to be much rewarding. So hang in there, give yourself the break you deserve. I hope things fall in place for you. Hugs! 

LadyXaverian

I'm so sorry. Pregnancy is not easy, and for some like your self, it is exponentially more difficult. How much you love your pregnancy =/= how much you love your baby. I hope things get better. ((Hug))

winecastle14

::raises hand for not enjoying pregnancy:: you aren't alone. Hugs!!

I can tell you though that it's worth it all when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time. Hang in there!

sgio7485

I can relate to the anxiety and disconnect.
My previous pregnancy ended in loss at 10.5 weeks and it really scared me. It has been very difficult to get excited about this pregnancy, even though I passed my loss milestone weeks ago, because of my loss experience. My H is constantly asking me to "just relax" and "enjoy it", but it is very difficult. I feel very disconnected from the baby, and I'm trying to do things to get me more excited. ((Hugs)) to you. It is not always easy!

alexandramay

I am so glad that I read this feed! I woke up this morning feeling fat and ugly. I weigh more now than I have in over 10 years, and the acne on my face is flaring up. My energy is very low, but I just moved into a new house and have so much that I want to get accomplished in it before I transition back to school (I'm a teacher). On top of all that, there are two contractors coming to the house today to replace the subfloor and French doors in our living room. I just want to sleep some more, but I know that I can't. My head is starting to hurt too, and once it starts it doesn't go away, not even with Tylenol.
Reading your posts has helped me feel better, that I'm not alone. My mom definitely painted a rosy, even magical picture of her pregnancies. I think my expectations of my own pregnancy was raised as a result. I am not enjoying this one bit, and I wish I was.

peggels24

((hugs)) All of the lovely ladies above said it wonderfully.  I just wanted to add that perhaps you should speak to a counselor?  Not because there is anything wrong with the way you are feeling but so that you can have a safe place to discuss how you are truly feeling.  If you feel too guilty to discuss these issues with your SO, how about you discuss them with a neutral party?

ShuShubee

You should never feel bad or guilty about not loving pregnancy. I don't love being pregnant either, although I have not had it nearly as bad as some women. It is just a means to an end for me. I agree that talking to a counselor may help, but at the very minimum, find something that relaxes you, whatever that may be. For me, it is usually taking my dog for a long walk or vegging out watching a chick flick.

aerotigergirl

Like a lot of others have already said, I can't relate to what you're going through, because I've not had complications that you're having to deal with. But I can totally understand how having those complications could make a person just want to hurry up through the pregnancy. It seems completely reasonable that you'd want to just hurry through the next 20-30 weeks and have your healthy baby on the outside already! It also seems totally reasonable to be a little disconnected at the moment. With the complications you're dealing with, you're probably subconsciously distancing yourself a little in an effort to protect yourself! I think that is perfectly normal.

Please know that you're not alone. I am one who would say that I like being pregnant, but I'd be lying if I said I enjoy every single minute of it! And motherhood is the same for me, honestly. I love being a mom, but it's not fun every single second of every single day. Hang in there. You're not alone. 

TXUltraRunner

I honestly don't know many women who actually enjoy being pregnant. DOn't be too hard on yourself you've been through a lot! 

Classygirl91

Just remember "not everyone can get pregnant(so there are less fortunate or wants to get pregnant". Not trying to offend you, just refreshing your mind of how much this is a blessing. So if you have to write it down on a scrap of paper and read it everyday when you wake up, just remember this is a blessing this might help

jennyhatt

Hang in there. My best friend and I joke about how she was such a miserable mess when she was pregnant I would avoid her when i would see her out and about. (I didn't really but she was miserable) . She is the best mom and loves her kids. She jwas super sick and it's hard to be happy when you are like this day In And day out with NO reprieve.
And Bonus if I am having a rough day I know exactly who to complain to- all the sympathy in the world!

Sorry bout the caps- stupid mobile

Maebb

Classygirl91 said:

Just remember "not everyone can get pregnant(so there are less fortunate or wants to get pregnant". Not trying to offend you, just refreshing your mind of how much this is a blessing. So if you have to write it down on a scrap of paper and read it everyday when you wake up, just remember this is a blessing this might help

I've had two losses, and I am 100% grateful that I'm pregnant, but it doesn't mean, "oh goody, I should enjoy puking bile, feeling tired and bloated, and having pooping problems because not everyone can experience the joy of pregnancy."

To your point, I do think it's annoying when people constantly complain about pregnancy symptoms on somewhere like FB. But to occasionally (or often) FEEL like it's not that enjoyable, that doesn't make people any less grateful for the end result.

Bigboneded

I am so grateful to be pregnant, and that doesnt mean I like the symptoms, or don't worry about complications

And I had threatened miscarraige last time, and then missed mc. And I distanced myself then and now. I am excited to have the hope of babies coming. I am not connected to them yet.

I might sit down and cry if I get diagnosed GD. You can vent here. People around you often dont get it. There is such a wealth of knowledge and experience here that it is a good place for advice and info.

(((Hugs))) for you, just getting through today. Tomorrow may be different, but your pregnancy is anything but easy and I can easily understand why you are not enjoying it. Heres hoping it flies by to the day you have a healthy LO in your arms to love! (((Hugs)))