In-laws ignoring my pregnancy?

teamv17

This is my second pregnancy, and we love states away from my in-laws. Long story short...we don't have the best relationship (neither me nor my husband with his parents). We went on a family reunion together this last week, and not once did they congratulate me or my husband on our second pregnancy. What!? At this point, should I bring it up? I'm feeling that once I have the baby, I'll just have to say "forget you. You're not invited to the delivery/to see our new baby. Obviously you could care less!" This post is more of a vent than anything I guess. Does anyone else have in-law issues to share??

mommy5point0

What is it you wanted? They can be as uneventful as they want during your pregnancy and as long as they're kind to the baby once he/she is here, that's all you can expect or hope for.

It sounds like there's a backstory that we are unaware of, but regardless of that... Maybe they didn't congratulate you because they don't have anything nice to say. I hope I am wrong but I don't know your situation.

I identify though because I have a very poor relationship with DH's only sibling (a sister). She's been jealous of my presence and adversary from the gate and told him he had to choose....and he did.

motherboy

I put in very little effort with my in laws so I know I can't be hurt when they do the same. Maybe they feel ignored by you? Anyway, I think this is not enough for you to cut them off from seeing their grandchildren. Are you sure they know? Maybe they felt awkward bringing it up and expected you to bring it up.

rachel+family

My in laws don't care either. And to be honest, I'm glad! I think it's because it's our second now. And there's really not much to talk about or at least not much I have to say to them about the pregnancy.
I'm sure in your case and mine they are happy about the baby, but are too awkward to say much

Stargirlb

grass is always greener on the other side. Too meddling vs too cold. 

MichaelSC28

LOL...do i have any issues with in-laws is that a trick question. Look I look at it like this do not let them get you all worked up...I know its hard because yes they should at least say something but you know what just let it go.  I wouldn't even take the breath or time to get angry and tell them that they weren't invited or annoyed at their lack of concern, it just shows them that they can get to you. I would wait right up to a time that a comment comes out about the baby and then let them know how i feel and not in an angry yelling way but a more like.."You would like to know about your new grandchild now...where would you like me to start you seem to have missed the entire pregnancy." and smile in their face. People only have power if you let them. Your family will work just fine without extra added negative people. 

Good Luck it can be infuriating sometimes. 

mom2case

Did they not know you were expecting til then? Because if that's the case, I wouldn't have said anything to you either. Judging from the fact that you're upset they didn't congratulate you, I'm guessing that's the case. We have nt told our ILs but they're coming to visit in 2.5 weeks so we thought it would be more fun to surprise them.

literarymuse

My problem is the opposite. We told FIL not to tell anyone. He told all of his friends. We told him not to post on Facebook. After we texted him the u/s picture last week, he posted on Facebook about his baby being a dad. 

Sorry that you're feeling so frustrated by this, but I agree with PP that it's not enough to deny them seeing their grandchild. That being said, I also understand the need to get mad about something and rant. So please, rant away!

pray67

Like others, I don't know the whole story. But given that you went for a family reunion sounded like you would not mind an amicable relationship with your in-laws. Also, how were they during your first pregnancy and how are they now to your first child? If they are kind, I would not think of barring them for seeing your second child. After all, children do deserve grandparents' love when they can get. But that's my opinion. But I know it must be tough for you. Try telling them again and see how they react. An, if ranting makes you feel any good, please feel free

idontevenknow

Stargirlb said:

grass is always greener on the other side. Too meddling vs too cold. 

This exactly. @teamv17‌ was there an issue during your last pregnancy? Were they giving you too much attention and you didn't like it?

Just trying to piece the situation together. I'm sure they are excited to have another grandchild.

Shortstack06

My husband has a great relationship with his parents (they live 3 miles up the road and he talks to them every night since his mom was diagnosed with Leukemia a year ago).  His Dad's side of the family, we were on our way home from the first sonogram and we stopped to show his grandmother (she was the first to actually see the photos).  His mom's side, are self righteous assholes that I have never liked. Out of 95 days & nights total in the hospital his mom spend doing chemo treatments, ICU, and other events, MIL's parents went to see her twice!  My husband has not had a relationship with them for the last 6-7 months because he feels they didn't respect his mom by visiting(mind you if they didn't want to drive because it was an hour away, they knew they had the option to ride with us and did once in the beginning). They would call and say Grandma had a cold and the next day it was Grandpa finally went to the doctor for this cold. The lies just kept piling up on why not to visit. So he has never actually called to tell them I was pregnant and so forth.  If we see them driving, they put their heads down or look the other way.

aerotigergirl

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt by the lack of response from your in-laws. 

That being said, not everyone else is going to be as excited about your baby as you are. I've found this to be especially true (right or wrong) when you're a STM. 

Maybe reconsider what you were expecting from them. Were your expectations honestly realistic?

britb618

Wow I'm kinda surprised by everyone's responses- if they knew u were pregnant I think it's only natural to say congrats or to ask how you are feeling etc. but I agree that it's not enough of a reason to keep them from the child but I wouldn't go out of my way to invite them to the birth- although I really think that's meant for just me and my hubby and maybe my mom anyway

Summer3102

Oh yes Ma'am I do! Long story short... Husband has two from previous marriage and we have two together. We weren't expecting a 5th especially at my age, but husband makes good money and we are capable. In fact, we helped raise his oldest two as their mother at that time too "busy"to take care of them. Anyway, so the oldest two girls' mother is still like that in a lot of ways and my in-laws baby the oldest two girls and hardly do anything with the kids my husband and I have together so forget even a mention of congrats or anything for this baby. My mom and dad and stepparents are amazing though so I try to focus on that. How awesome they are and supportive and just block out the negative. Our babies are blessing and if people that say they are "family" can't treat them as such, then they do t deserve them. Let Karma do it's handy work. Good luck to you

TehysKitaBug

Well they aren't my in laws but the babies grandparents on that side told me I should have had an abortion. I'm hoping their vacation has put them in a better mood...but I won't hope for miracles.