Fraternal twins

SallyAnneS

I am having di/di twins and maybe I am "missing" something but I understand that as them being basically two seperate pregnancies at the same time sort of thing. Which means they will be no more alike then my current ds and them.

I don't to dress them the same or sign them up for all the same activites the same as I wouldn't with ds and either one of them unless they are interested in the same things.

I feel lile people irl think i should be more into the whole idea of them being the same and doing everything together and having an extra special twin bond. I am sure they will have a special bond being the same age and a built in playmate of sorts.

Sorry just kind of venting. Maybe I am not excited enough. I was thinking about who would share bedrooms the other day and I figure if they are b/g then it makes sense for the boy to share with ds when he is older and out of the nursery stage. But others think no matter what they should stay together b/c they are twins.

What do you think? Feel free to put me in my place if my thinking is backwards.

RayRay007

I have di/di boys, and feel pretty strongly that they are different people and will have different interests etc. However, I think they will be treated alike in some respects because they will be the same age. I agree it makes more sense for your boys to share a bedroom. Just because they are twins, even if they are identical, does not mean they have to be joined at the hip and act/dress/be exactly the same. 

MissEm15

I was just telling my husband, I want them to feel like they are their own individual selves. Even if they were identical, I'd want to help encourage that anyway. It's cute to dress infants alike, but I don't plan on  doing that their whole childhood. If we have b/g I'm sure we will do separate rooms at some point.  

Rynleigh

Our boys are frats. There are some give and takes on both sides.... honestly, if they had been identical, I would have felt more strongly about not dressing them alike or making sure they were given excessive opportunities to be very individual... but even at 18mo old, my guys are so different in every sense that it no longer feels like it's something I need to go out of my way to do. My dudes share a room and probably will until their sisters move out (the girls share a room also, though they are singletons with a five year age gap). They sometimes end up in the same outfits - sometimes this is because grandma just had to get them the same clothes because grandma wants to see silly matching pictures - and sometimes it is because toddlers fight and both want to wear exactly what their brother has on... sometimes it isn't about matching them out of obnoxious novelty of twinness... sometimes it is just about preventing a fight over who gets the blue shirt or who gets the green shorts. My guys are super different and probably won't always be into the same activities - but if they both want to do computer lab and soccer - whether that is because they both enjoy the same activities or because they enjoy doing things together - I don't want to go out of my way to discourage it and aim them at separate activities just because I don't want them to seem cliche. I want them to each have their own things and be as individual as they can be - but I don't want to overcompensate and prohibit them from doing things they love just to avoid being viewed as a stereotype, either. 

My unique lil dudes: 

xtina78

we're having di di girls and it annoys me when people (like my MIL) assumed I'm going to dress them alike etc. Seriously she looked at me like I had two heads when I told her we weren't going to dress them alike. Even if we were having identicals I wouldn't dress them alike. 

pea-kay

I'm pretty sure my boys are separate people even though they're identical. Hmm.

SallyAnneS

pea-kay said:

I'm pretty sure my boys are separate people even though they're identical. Hmm.

Sorry i didn't mean to exclude those with identicals.

SallyAnneS

Thank you for all the replies. That really helped. Posting this also gave me the mental push to get an appt booked with my therapist to just talk out the mixed feelings of excitment and fear i am having.

carrotcake06

What @Rynleigh‌ said. My boys are fraternal and are really very different. My oldest is a boy also and one twin is far more like his older brother - in appearance and personality, than his twin brother.

auntjessy

I think you've got PLENTY of time to figure that out.   

Even without an older singleton at home (my stepkids have moved out - they're 19 and 21), we still have a lot of the same things we'll run into.  I figure, I'll go with the flow and do what seems to work best for them as it comes.  You'll learn very quickly as a twin mom to go with the flow, anyway.  Planning is FUTILE.    Congrats, btw.  

The only thing you really need to be planning right now is who's going to help you for the first few weeks after they come home.  That whole raising twins thing will work itself out - you sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders and have their best interests in mind.  

sunkiss674

I dress my boys alike now because everyone got me matching outfits at my shower. Once we start buying them some clothes i will dress them differently. I personally feel there is not much variety in infant boy clothes.

1blueridgemama

I think it's completely up to you in terms of room-sharing and matching clothes.  One of the big perks of being a mom

We're having b/g so they'll obviously not look identical but we do have plenty of matching or coordinating baby outfits and plenty that are not.  Our 13 and 8 year old sons have matching bathing suits every summer and they're obviously not twins. Totally up to you... 

raraavis28

@AshB62 is right that di/di does not automatically mean fraternal. If you find out that they are b/g then they obviously are, but there are quite a few posters on this board who had tests done after birth b/c their same-sex di/dis looked an awful lot alike, and it turned out they were identical! The odds aren't as high for that scenario, though.

Either way, I agree w/ PPs' comments that the way you treat them is up to you, and I don't think any twin mom IRL thinks about her twins as a "set" or as one person. My boys are identical (though they have a notable size difference so they've always been easy to tell apart) and are VERY different people. They do have some matching outfits, b/c I got a lot of those as gifts, and it's honestly easier to pick one outfit over two, but it's not all the time, and by the time they're old enough to care they'll be old enough to pick their own outfits. You will also find (as you have probably already found) that lots of people have ideas about what having twins or what being twins is like (see the crazy comments thread in the FAQ....lots of laughs in there!) Like PPs said, smile and nod and do your own thing.

You are so on the ball, but there's only so much you can plan for in advance too. Try to relax and just let some things just work themselves out....you'll do great!

Bigboneded

I'm not going to worry about dressing alike or different, probably will have a mix. I am 4 1/2 years older than my sister and we got special occasion matching outfits, didn't bother me, we also looked a LOT alike, except sizes. I have twin friends, who alwaysknew they were their own selves, and also chose to do much the same in life. They were fraternal, and unless one is pregnant or does her hair differently- people still can hardly tell them apart :-)

sasky

We have b/g twins, so it's easier not to dress them alike. But it's not really my style to do that anyway. Mostly I'm just lazy.

The trap I make an effort not to fall into (or let other people do) is making comparisons in their development. I think people tend to do this with siblings of different ages too, but it's much easier to do when they're going through milestones together. Like everyone has said, they are different people, they'll develop at their own pace, and neither is more or less advanced based on timing.

Scorpgirl444

I have b/g twins.  They are complete opposites in every way possible.  I did dress them in in similar colors when they were infants and still do very rarely now.  I only do it now if I'm feeling twinnerish.  

Right now they share a room.  They love doing everything together.  If they can't find each other, they go looking for the other.  At some point I will have to separate them because they are different genders.  I have awhile to go before I have to do that so I am going to hold off as long as possible.

Even though they are not the same gender and thus also not identical, they still share a very close twin bond.  

You will see it for yourself.  You can't force the twin bond and you also can't prevent it.  Just let it go as it goes and enjoy every moment!

skeppler1

I have di/di b/g twins. They are just now getting their own personalities. They are different but I also think they do have a bond to one another. They like to know the other one is near by and are starting to love to play with each other. 
They will reach out to the other and just lay their hand on the other to see if they are ok or just to comfort them. It is very cute.
I wondered if they would have that special "twin" bond also since they are fraternal but I am starting to see it, and I love it.