How do you feel about moms who work outside of the home?

GroverClover

Just looking for some insight without starting a huge debate. I work part time and I find it difficult to make new friends these days.  Please don't be offended, but I've found that most stay at home moms are very hesitant to be friends with a mom who doesn't stay at home.  What's the deal? 

Andrewsgal

Time to take a look in the mirror. No SAHM I know have a problem with WM. Maybe you just aren't a good person and they don't want to be friends with you in particular?

penguingrrl

This is an odd and inflammatory post. Of course I don't dislike WOHMs, p/t or f/t. What a strange thought. I like all parents who do what's best for their family as a whole.

roxy_jj

I don't know if I buy that you aren't trying to start a debate.  I'll bite and answer the question.  

I don't have any issue with moms who work outside of the home.  Most of my mom friends work. I worked outside the home when my kids were younger and had no issues with SAHM not wanting to be my friend.  

spring_time

I think you are personalizing something that has nothing to do with you. The only issue I have is with scheduling. Evenings and weekends are the times my DH can spend with our kids, so they become family time. My WM friends also want to spend that time with their kids. I have friends who work and friends who SAH, it has no bearing on the friendship. I will say most of my new friends are SAHM, but that is only because I met them during the day where SAHM hang out with their kids.

jensriot

Oh please. Do you really think the SAHM you meet are thinking "Oh, she works, nevermind, we can't be friends." That is not why you aren't making friends. Honestly, I am so busy, I struggle to find time with my other SAH friends, student friends and working friends. Everyone is busy and it's tough to find schedules that work. I don't think it matters if you work or not, busy schedules can make it hard.

alli2672

I work PT outside the home, and my advice to you is just don't bring it up when you first meet people.  It's sort of awkward to start talking to someone you know is a SAHM about your work outside the home during your first conversation.  Just stick to mom stuff when you are looking to meet new mom friends. 

 

 

penguingrrl

alli2672 said:

I work PT outside the home, and my advice to you is just don't bring it up when you first meet people.  It's sort of awkward to start talking to someone you know is a SAHM about your work outside the home during your first conversation.  Just stick to mom stuff when you are looking to meet new mom friends. 

 

 

What??? Why on earth would it matter in the slightest?

orangegoggles

This is so odd. 

alli2672

penguingrrl said:

alli2672 said:

I work PT outside the home, and my advice to you is just don't bring it up when you first meet people.  It's sort of awkward to start talking to someone you know is a SAHM about your work outside the home during your first conversation.  Just stick to mom stuff when you are looking to meet new mom friends. 

 

 

What??? Why on earth would it matter in the slightest?

 

 

I don't know.  It probably doesn't matter either way, but it's just easier to talk about the stuff you have in common rather than the stuff you don't.    I don't lie about it or anything if someone asks, but that rarely happens.   

sschwege

I don't think it has to do with you working, some moms just aren't looking for other moms to hang out with.  I'm like that.  I have a scheduled week and an outing planned almost every day.  I have my two plus the little boy I watch in our home, it gives me very little time to socialize and coordinate schedules.  That's not to say I don't have friends that I get together with, but the problem is I have so little time to even see them as much as I would like, again different schedules, can't use the car during the week (no car seat for the boy I babysit for), etc that I'm really not looking to make new mommy friends.  Sorry if that sounds mean, but maybe that's where some moms are coming from? 

mandymack

scatteredtrees said:

But TBH, my best friend works. She travels a ton. She is a kick ass mom and an incredible woman. I do not care one ounce she works. 

This is exactly me. And ontop of working, she's a single mother who impresses me daily with her parenting excellence. The only problem I have is wishing we could spend more time together, like during the day when I'm worn out by my own kids.

zbeesma86

someone close the gate!

rosesandpetals

scatteredtrees said:

Are you projecting, maybe? In all seriousness here. Are you not confident in your choice so you assume people judge you for it?

I completely did this when DD was born. OP, it's not always easy to be confident in your choices but just keep reminding yourself, you're doing what's right for your family. If other people judge that then screw them. Dodged a bullet befriending someone petty and judgey.

minerswife17

Most interesting post I've seen all day.... :-?

catycate

I actually really enjoy talking to and hang out with my working mom friends. It's a good opportunity to show DS and dd how many different kinds of families there are.

magentawarped

MrsMuq said:

broccolisgirl said:

I believe you can find some great books on how to make friends in the children's section of the library. Just sayin'.

Stu the Cockatoo is new at the zoo!


Dammit, beat me to it.

eaglesfan700

This cannot be real

allrightmeow

I love working moms! Jobs = money.  Sometimes I need a loan or three. 

dizzycooks

auroraloo said:

I hate Amynumbers and Kimbus. And myself. And CJ. wtf.

Who are you anyway?

Buy you don't hate me!!! Woo hoo and I even blew you off at the CM today

GroverClover

ExpectantSteelerFan, I appreciate your honesty.  Alli, your comment about leaving out WM status is very true; I usually avoid that too.  Thanks for the other constructive comments.  It sounds like schedules aligning is the main issue, and lack of common ground/interests is second.

 And, YES, I am a real person!!  I asked a question hoping to gain some amount of perspective from your angle.  I'm relatively new at navigating motherhood.   My friends don't have children,  have several children, or have children who are significantly older than mine.  I'm looking to connect with people who are at the same place life as I am....and to clarify by "same place in life" I'm referring to raising a toddler.  SAHM or WM isn't relevant to me, but it feels like a barrier.

bumpuser924057

Almost none of my friends are stay-at-home moms who have a three year old and one year old twins (I can't say "none," as there actually is one person in my circle who does have that same setup... oh, but wait, her older kid is a girl and her twins are boys, does that count?).  Yet somehow I still have a lot of friends, and I feel like we are connected even though our lives aren't direct clones of each other.  Perhaps you need to open up your mind and heart a little bit to different people and see what you can offer each other instead of looking for differences to drive you apart?

lexusolsen

You don't have to be in the exact same situation to be friends. I have friends with no kids, friends with one kid, friends with older kids, etc. You need a few things in common, not everything. I'm a wm and I don't get together much with my SAHM friends during the school year. We do things when I am on a break or family things on the weekends. Open up your mind a little.

spring_time

Stuck in the box....

I think @CurlingRocks has a good point.  What type of community to you live in?  It can vary within the same community.  I have one friend who is a WM and lives in an area with a ton of SAHM.  She has been having a hard time making friends because of scheduling issues and it seems (to her) that the moms have kind of built a bond around their days.  She has had a hard to break into the group (which is why I think your question is totally legitimate). I have another friend who is a WM and lives in a community with a ton of SAHM and they have welcomed her with open arms.  The kids all play outside together in the evenings and the parents stand around talking. I am a SAHM, and have a hard time finding friends because there are no kids/young families in my neighborhood and I have to go to the park/library to meet new people, but moms usually go to those places in packs.

I think your best bet is to find friends based on your interests.  Your kids will find friends wherever you go, my DS is never lacking for a friend at a public place. Once school starts, this will become easier. At this age, how many friends do they need?  He has two close friends we see frequently (through church and preschool), and the rest we see every few months. At this point in time, engage in activities you enjoy and meet people through that.  Honestly, I have a few friends whose kids are almost exactly the same age as mine, and we almost never get them together.  We would rather go to dinner and enjoy our common interests rather than involve the kids.

JeffandLeslie

auroraloo said:

right here, sweet cheeks.

Sassy!

notkateanymore

Uppity Bitches. All of them.

GroverClover

Great points @CurlingRocks and @spring_time about my community. 

 spring_time said:

I have one friend who is a WM and lives in an area with a ton of SAHM.  She has been having a hard time making friends because of scheduling issues and it seems (to her) that the moms have kind of built a bond around their days.  She has had a hard to break into the group (which is why I think your question is totally legitimate)....I have to go to the park/library to meet new people, but moms usually go to those places in packs.

@Spring_time you summed up my issue.  It's hard to break into the group and at most public places moms are usually in groups (and it's hard to get in without being impolite). 

@nowababy, good point about personalities. 

You all have given me some insight.  Appreciate the help.

vlagrl29

3 of my friends are still single, I have 2 that are married with kids and 1 works but the other doesn't. I rarely have time to hang out with people anymore because of schedules.