Vent

sorrellam30

Sometimes even the friends that should know better-don't. I talked with our financial coordinator about how much we owe this cycle and how much we'll owe if we do more cycles. I started to feel like we were just throwing away money again and thinking of all the money wasted before. So I text my friend who has also had failed fertility treatments (iui) and then pursued adoption, I asked her to tell me it's all worth it and in retrospect the $$ won't matter. Instead she asks me if I've considered it not working and if I'd be ok. Ummmmm of course, duh. Any normal person would worry about that, let alone w my history. So she stressed me out more-jerk. On a positive note we should be cleared to pick our donor next week. I'm trying to be excited because it's a new path with more promise but failure has become such a big part of our journey it's difficult!

mm29

I'm sorry she wasn't more understanding.  (((Hugs))) All the money that goes out will be worth it in the end!! Hooray on being cleared to pick your donor.  GL with your upcoming cycle.

Twinkie0612

((Hugs)) I wish people could understand that at times all we want is someone to show some support for our decision. There are many times I freak out feeling like we are just throwing money down the drain. I just remember that I would regret not trying more than I would regret wasting the money.

sorrellam30

Very true @Twinkie0612‌ Regardless I'd regret not trying. I guess I was just looking for optimism bc I didn't have any

Twinkie0612

I understand that completely! Some days I am excited and optimistic about moving forward with treatment and other days I am convinced that it won't work.

I am going to be optimistic for you. DE will be completely worth it in the end!

luvboston

Hugs ppl suck they should just be there for you in the way you need! Many times I felt like we were wasting money I could have been spending on a horse which is a sure thing for my happiness. However I can tell you it is 150% worth it.

I will tell you though that there are just things we are never gonna be able to afford in life because we spent so much on if and because our priority is to have kids we have no money to spend elsewhere so ppl just don't get gifts and we don't do certain things or go on vacation that often. You give up a living life to afford if and you already realize that I think so that's also what it's like afterward.

Lacyj67

Yeah of all people she should understand the feeling involved...
Sometimes I feel like people that have gone thru the trenches of IF and then have there kids tend to kind of forget what it was like when you were in the battle. I hope to never forget those tuff moments of struggle so I've journaled it all!
So excited you get to pick your donor! Very exciting time for you and DH!! Good luck!

RunCC37

That's so irritating when you go to a friend to vent or seek comfort and then they crap on you!! Ugh! I'm glad you can see the full picture even if she missed the point. And YIPPEE on moving forward with your donor process!! Have you started looking at profiles yet? Or do you need to clear this hurdle first? We just looked at our second profile this week and think we may have a 'winner!!' Fingers are crossed!

Km672

I'm annoyed with your friend right now. I'm so sorry she doesn't get it. But, I get it and know how much regret and anxiety it would cause in the future if you didn't try. You have to try, there's a really good chance DE could be the answer for you!! There's no reason to not try this!! I know the money is stressful, but it will come and go. We are completely oop now and have already spent a significant amount for our 2 DE cycles, but we both feel strongly that we need to keep trying. Big hugs- you're making the right decision!!! >:D<

sorrellam30

Thanks girls!! To answer your question @RunCC37‌ we will get access to look at donors after our psych consult. We were given temporary access before and DH and I both liked the same donors so at least we are on the same page!! @Km672‌ how many eggs did you get from your prior donors? We are only guaranteed 4 which makes me nervous since we also have male factor. Hopefully we will get more fx

Km672

1st fresh DE/DS ivf was 21 eggs, 10 embryos, then 2 transferred on day 3 and 2 frozen on day 6. 2nd fresh DE/DS ivf was 25 eggs, 10 embryos, then 1 day 5 transferred and 3 others frozen on day 5. Hope this helps!!!!

sorrellam30

@Km672‌ I'm scared to ask, was this a shared donor or were you the soul recipient?

Km672

We were the only recepients for both cycles

sorrellam30

sorrellam30

Hopefully I get a very high producing donor!

Km672

I know I'm overly sensitive about this, and I know you didn't mean it this way, but it really annoys me when people tell me I am 'lucky' to have as many embryos as I have...

My nurse told me this during a follow up appt and I had to tell her that honestly I am not lucky at all.

I shouldn't have ever had to go through paying well over $50k and all of the physical and emotional hell of 2 fresh DE/DS and 3 FET cycles with nothing to show for it. I'd be 'lucky' if it actually worked.

mm29

Km672 said:

I know I'm overly sensitive about this, and I know you didn't mean it this way, but it really annoys me when people tell me I am 'lucky' to have as many embryos as I have... My nurse told me this during a follow up appt and I had to tell her that honestly I am not lucky at all. I shouldn't have ever had to go through paying well over $50k and all of the physical and emotional hell of 2 fresh DE/DS and 3 FET cycles with nothing to show for it. I'd be 'lucky' if it actually worked.

(((Hugs)))  I'm sorry it has to be so effing hard!!!

sorrellam30

Km672 said:

I know I'm overly sensitive about this, and I know you didn't mean it this way, but it really annoys me when people tell me I am 'lucky' to have as many embryos as I have... My nurse told me this during a follow up appt and I had to tell her that honestly I am not lucky at all. I shouldn't have ever had to go through paying well over $50k and all of the physical and emotional hell of 2 fresh DE/DS and 3 FET cycles with nothing to show for it. I'd be 'lucky' if it actually worked.

I meant you were lucky not to have to share a donor. Sorry if that was offensive

RunCC37

@Km672, BIG HUGE HUGS!! None of this is fair, none of us are lucky. I have spent many hours beating myself up for having 'egg envy' and 'frosty envy.' It is one thing to be jealous of fertiles for getting knocked up at the cost of a cheap bottle of wine and a fun romp in the sack with their husbands. But it's another thing to be jealous of other infertiles. That's the main reason why I have stepped away from the IF board... I can't stomach my jealousy when I see a first time IVFer get KU and have frosties to spare. I hate that I feel that way sometimes, and I try to put it into perspective, but it's so hard! It sucks! Gah, I hate my ovaries!!!