organization

EEN09

I work in a job that has similar hours to a nurse (3 days, 10-12 hours per day) and my husband has a more traditional 8-5 schedule. We have our kids (13 mo. and 3.5y) in daycare twice a week, and on those days it's H's responsibility to take them and pick them up, then bring them home and feed them, bathe them, put them to bed. I get that this is a big task as a single parent on those days/ nights, especially because he's worked all day as well. 

It has been our habit that when I get home I make lunches for the next day and prep anything else that needs to go to school (nap stuff, diapers/ wipes, spare clothes, signature forms, etc.) to help out H since he already does so much. I also lay out clothes and PJs for that night/ the next day in both kids' rooms. 

That being said, I have had trouble with him leaving lunch boxes, etc. all over the place including in his car, forgetting/ losing paperwork and other notices until I get a notice that says that they requested X 2 weeks ago and it was never done. I stopped by the grocery store last night and asked him to please make lunches or at least start them since I was grabbing something for him and wouldn't be home until 10pm. I also need to eat dinner, etc. when I get home. He asked me what to make, and I took that as a "yes."

Then this morning life turned chaotic because we ended up having highly limited time for me unpack yesterday's lunches, find different gear to pack in them since the stuff from yesterday was still dirty, throw together some lunch stuff, get the other stuff together for school, and dress the kids. H ended up being 15 minutes late and frustrated at me for putting him in that situation.

So what's fair here? Should I have double-checked that we were set last night? Any advice on creating a drop spot or help with a routine for my husband, or can I not really have any input there since I'm not here on those evenings? What do other people do who are in a similar situation?

jlaOK

I can relate.  My kids are about the same age as yours and my DH travels.  It can definitely be hard to do the entire evening routine with two kids but organization and having a schedule will definitely help.

I'll tell you what I do and maybe you can get some ideas.

• Bring all papers/lunch/school bags into the house as soon as you get home.  Not carrying them in first thing just sets you up to forget about them.
• Have a designated spot for papers.  I can't look at them until later in the evening so putting them in a certain spot makes sure they don't get lost.
• Washing out lunch bags is a part of doing dinner dishes.  We have enough tupperware for at least 2 days of lunches (maybe 3) that way I don't necessarily have to wash them every night. 
  
• Can wipes/diapers and nap stuff be left at daycare each day?  We do this (we bring home nap stuff weekly) and it means much less for me to pack/carry each day.
• Have a list of standard lunches that he can make.  Include on the list some items that take little to no prep for nights that he is particularly busy.
• Lastly, maybe even make a checklist to hang that lists all the things that needs to be done.  This way both he and you can check at the end of the night to make sure everything is done.
  

emberlee3

That is really frustrating.  MH is really disorganized, too.  I have hooks for our keys by the front door, but 90% of the time he just throws his keys down somewhere random, and then has to spend 15 minutes locating them when he's trying to leave. 

Here are some thoughts:
-Make a checklist (you can easily make one on https://printablechecklist.org/ ), put it in a plastic sleeve, stick it on the fridge with a dry-erase marker, and have YH or older child check things off each evening.

-Have your older child be in charge of collecting dirty lunch containers and putting them in the sink when they get home.  Getting to check it off on the list above might be enough reward/motivation.

-Create a "lunch station" in the fridge.  Keep everything for making lunch in one container, and restock each week when you go shopping.

-Plan meals weekly or monthly, putting the simplest to prepare/clean up on the nights you work, to minimize other chores YH does.

-Brainstorm with YH to see if he has any ideas

potbellypig

This was similar to my situation, then DH got diagnosed with ADD. Now that he's medicated, he's way more on top of things and less distracted. Just throwing that out there in case its a possibility.

MickeyM04

I just went back to work so I'm the last person to take advice from, but we put up a big dry erase check list in the kitchen.  Then as we each do stuff, we check it off.  Before bed, we make sure everything is checked, and if not, we get it done then.  It's nice because although DH is usually the one to do certain things, and I'm usually the one to do others, as well all know, shit happens.  This is a good way to make sure SOMEONE got it done.  It has happened once or twice where I'll see something not checked that DH usually does and I'll confirm that he did not do it, and do it myself.  I think it's hard though when you don't have some sort of list or something.  Otherwise you will always assume the other person did what they usually did, and it's inevitable that someone is going ot forget something eventually.  This way, you hold each other accoutnable via the list.

aglenn

I am no help because I have to micromanage DH like crazy.  The irony is he is a highly paid project manager for his career.  It baffles me to no end.

jenn43

jlaOK said:

I can relate.  My kids are about the same age as yours and my DH travels.  It can definitely be hard to do the entire evening routine with two kids but organization and having a schedule will definitely help.

I'll tell you what I do and maybe you can get some ideas.

• Bring all papers/lunch/school bags into the house as soon as you get home.  Not carrying them in first thing just sets you up to forget about them.
• Have a designated spot for papers.  I can't look at them until later in the evening so putting them in a certain spot makes sure they don't get lost.
• Washing out lunch bags is a part of doing dinner dishes.  We have enough tupperware for at least 2 days of lunches (maybe 3) that way I don't necessarily have to wash them every night. 
  
• Can wipes/diapers and nap stuff be left at daycare each day?  We do this (we bring home nap stuff weekly) and it means much less for me to pack/carry each day.
• Have a list of standard lunches that he can make.  Include on the list some items that take little to no prep for nights that he is particularly busy.
• Lastly, maybe even make a checklist to hang that lists all the things that needs to be done.  This way both he and you can check at the end of the night to make sure everything is done.
  

This.  I love checklists.  I have a checklist of things to take before I leave in the morning, and things to take before I leave work. Then you have another checklist of all the things that need to get done each night, so you can divide and conquer! You could even laminate them so you don't have to rewrite them each day.

MommyAtty

I get a bit OCD about forgetting something that's out of the norm (like scheduling a dentist appt or sending in DD's school paperwork). So I won't be able to stop thinking about it until I do it, even if I'm thinking about it at 3 am and can't actually do it then. So I have the Staples brand of the Circa notebook. That thing is a lifesaver. It has really awesome to do lists. I also supplement it with Circa stuff. Circa has the best calendar. The month is spread on 2 pages, so you have a decent box to write in. And on the front of that month's tab page, there is a personal list, business list, and monthly goals for each. For the lists, there is even a column to assign a priority level. I love it.

EEN09

These are some really great ideas-- thanks so much. I have actually gone over it all with H and we've started trying to figure out what to do and in what order to conquer it. I love how organized people think! 

lexusolsen

PrivacyWanted said:

I'll admit I'm guilty of leaving lunch boxes and papers in the car or bike trailer- at least till later at night.  When we're pulling into the driveway both kids are screaming at me, everyone is famished een though they just.had.snack. And it's crazy.

Something that may help with that is if you get a large enough bag for him to put all the lunch boxes, other school stuff (jackets, blankets) and paper work. That way he only has to grab one bag instead of 100. 

I was going to suggest this too. We have a reusable grocery bag (a Disney princess for dd). Anything that has to go to daycare (or come home) goes right in there. I even hang it on the doorknob. The night before we pack lunches and on Friday the big bag gets packed with sharing item, check if its time to pay tuition, and any thing else that needs to go back. When I pick dd up on Friday, I put papers, crib sheet and lunch box all in the bag. Monday morning it has the clean crib sheet in it and is hanging on the door knob.

We also prep lunches for the week (well for us). We make a big batch of one entree, portion it into gladware and freeze it. We also buy convenience packaged stuff for dd- apple sauce pouches, fruit cups, raisin boxes, juice boxes, etc. maybe even designate on spot in the fridge for lunch stuff or pack into lunch boxes and put them in the fridge.