Trying to be happy *pregnancies mentioned*

CreechMommy

I seem to be surrounded by pregnant women.  My cousin, then my neighbor, and now my sister in law.  I feel horrible because everytime I hear about someone else getting pregnant, I start crying and thinking of the baby I lost.  Deep down I am happy for them, but it reminds me that I'm not pregnant anymore.  My DH and I are trying again and I very well could be pregnant now and not know it.  Even still, I keep having thoughts about if pregnancy will be different the next time around. I'm scared, but at the same time my desire for a child is so great that it overshadows the risk. 

I realize this is a pity party for one, but I just needed to vent to those who have been there. 

How did you handle hearing of those close to you getting pregnant after your m/c?

Lalalady54

I wanted to TP everyone who announced pregnancies for the first couple weeks and now it's getting better.

You may want to put a warning in your title about pregnancies mentioned, I'm new here too and the culture is very supportive and protective and filled with love, but just like these ppl are driving you crazy in real life, reading about them in your post may hurt some women's hearts here.

((Hugs)) to you as you navigate your feelings and emotionally heal. This place we are in can sometimes feel lonely and dark, I hope you find the sun

LuvLoveXo

Without a doubt it can be difficult & if you're having a bad day/week/month/year it can strike a chord in you that wish you didn't feel. When I have those moments I remind myself that I'd give anything to be expecting & that I wouldn't wish the pain of my loss on anybody. I'm sorry for your loss.

CreechMommy

Thanks @Lalalady54 I edited the title

@LuvLoveXo Yea, I have tried focusing on the fact that I will have my first neice/nephew and the joy that little one will bring.  It sucks and it's unfair, but I know that life goes on and I can't prevent those close to me from getting preggo (even though sometimes I wish I could lol)

Sigh...this is a hard road we're on.  

Thanks for the support ladies

LuvLoveXo

@CreechMommy‌ indeed it does suck. Those words are by means to minimize our feelings. Unless you've experienced a loss you can't truly understand. The very few people that know about my loss very apologetic. The ones that had experienced it themselves were a whole different level of concern/ support. That's why I love this board!!!

CreechMommy

@LuvLoveXo It it a great place to come for support!  I know some ladies IRL that have experienced a loss and even though it's been almost 2 mos since our loss, these ladies still check in on me, as opposed to other friends who no longer mention it and get awkward when they say things like "when you have kids..." or something like that.  
It is a completely different level of support.  I'm so glad I found these boards, it has been a huge support for me in these past few months.  

LuvLoveXo

@CreechMommy‌ We can all relate. Unfortunately. These boards are amazing. FX we make it over to PGAL someday. Xo

CreechMommy

EurydiceNymph said:

It has recently struck me how different the TTCAL world is from the "real world". People don't understand why I'm not on facebook, why I am not up to going to a baby shower or other party where I know there will be triggers, why I didn't watch a television show or movie that I knew would upset me, or why it bothers me to see a pregnant woman or a newborn. People just don't get it. They can't understand the pain that we feel, or the sorrow. 

They misinterpret our sadness for mean-spiritness when that isn't it. We aren't upset that someone else is pregnant, we are upset that we are not and that person served as our reminder. It is nothing personal against them. Everyday we have to live with the fact that our child or children are gone when they should be with us and when a blatant reminder of what we have lost is in our face it is difficult. And there is nothing wrong with that -- it should be difficult. If someone had just lost their father, everyone would understand why they are crying on father's day, or if they were to see something that reminded them of their father. But people don't understand that it is the same with our loss. Maybe because to them the loss isn't as real as it is to us. 

Pregnancy will be different the next time around. I wish that it won't, but it will. You will be scared, it will be difficult, but you will get through it. My husband and I promised each other that we would do our best to stay positive and enjoy a future pregnancy. It is very easy to stay in the grips of fear and not enjoy what should be one of the happiest times in your life. 

((Hugs)) to you. There will always be good days and bad days. I wish there was a magic way to get through the bad days but I haven't found one yet. 

Perfectly put! That's exactly how it is.  You put it in such a great way.  

@Iav17 I've been mostly posting on miscarriage/pregnancy loss and just recently started posting more here because we are now actively trying.  I honestly didn't think it would be insensitive to mention a tww because it could go either way.  

BethKate2

CreechMommy said:@Iav17 I've been mostly posting on miscarriage/pregnancy loss and just recently started posting more here because we are now actively trying.  I honestly didn't think it would be insensitive to mention a tww because it could go either way.  

It's not the fact that you mentioned your 2ww. If you're at the end of your 2ww, you could get a BFP tomorrow, and then you'd never actually become a participating member of this board who offers support to others. That's what @lav17 was saying.

Mills0401

I actually have to look at one every day at work. I know that sounded horrible. I just had my D&C Thursday and today was my first day back at work since my surgery. I felt horrible because it was hard for me to look at her...she is due in September I believe I'm happy for her but it is still painful.

mpiemont

The first several pregnancy announcements after my miscarriage just about put me over the edge. I was sad. I was angry. I threw tantrums. But time seems to be easing that. I have 2 very close friends who are TTCAL and I would love nothing more than to have them announce pregnancies. A month ago I don't know how I would have handled it. Hugs!!

sandc63

I am still trying to figure this out. I am having my d&c today and I have a baby shower I've committed to on Sunday and I absolutely don't want to miss it because I am truly happy for my friend. I plan on stuffing my face with food so I don't have to talk and running to the bathroom if I tear up. I have 10 close friends who are all pregnant right now and I am genuinely sad that we won't be able to go through our pregnancies together. Focusing on deep breaths and peaceful visualizations. To add to it, my mom is totally insensitive (about everything) and yesterday was scolding me for not reaching out to a family friend to congratulate her on her pregnancy she just announced. I mean wtf mom?!

rslh10

@sandc63‌ moms. We TP them sometimes in the TP thread. They mean well, but WTF indeed.

CreechMommy

@sandc63 that's horrible. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. It's always hard seeing women you were pregnant with continue with their pregnancies knowing you lost yours. It's a weird mixture of jealously anger and happiness. Of course I would never wish loss on anyone but I'm angry at the unfairness of life and I'm angry this ever happened. Jealous because I want a baby in my arms and I see how easy it is for other women and it makes me mad that it has t been that easy for me

michiganbeauty

I know it can be hard to help women celebrate their pregnancies, announcements & births when we're going through a hard time coping with our losses. It's a normal process I believe. Hugs to you. To answer your question "how to handle it", I simply congratulated them. They are happy and experiencing a very good time time in their lives and am very happy for them. I choose not to be bitter over it because it's not about the person or their pregnancy. It's about how well I can cope with my own loss. For me it helps the healing process. If I absolutely can't take the "bump" photos ect I scroll past them. I had to take myself out of group a women who were in my delivery month because they were sharing their photos ect (with every right) and I couldn't bear it.

CreechMommy

@michiganbeauty I'm not bitter because of their news, but hearing their news instantly reminds me of when my OB did my ultrasound soon after my m/c and said "looks like your uterus is empty - see right there is where your baby would be" Of course I am happy I will be an aunt soon - overjoyed, but it also hurts deeply because it's a reminder of what is lost for me.  It's awesome that you can be so positive, but it's not always that easy.

michiganbeauty

I know it's hard. Hugs...

michiganbeauty

Not telling her to suck it up, she asked how people deal with it and I explained how I, me, myself personally deal with it. No it's not always easy, I'll agree to that. But it's worth it to be joyful. Life is hard enough. @ktlovess‌, please stop trying to read between my lines. What I meant is what I said and "suck it up" is not anywhere in any of my writings.

sandc63

Sorry I'm late in responding, I had my d&c yesterday and have been out of it. It is hard, however we deal with it. Hugs to all of you.

I am not bitter either, and I hope that never creeps into my heart, but I am sad for myself and my family, even though I am happy for my friends. It's just a rough spot to be in.