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CarissaA

Hi ladies, thought I'd introduce myself.  I am a Mom to 3 amazing kids, a set of 6 year old twin boys and an almost 6 month old baby girl.  I recently left my husband, almost a month ago.  He drank heavily after the boys were born, quit drinking and then his body went into withdrawal which lead to some major mental health issues.  Turns out it was covering up some major depression and other possible issues.  He stayed sober 2+ years but quit taking his meds.  On top of that, he acted like a stupid teenager and would only go to work when he felt like it.  We lost out apartment and had to downsize and are losing the current one now.  Our power was constantly getting shut off, and yet some days he just didn't feel like working, but he would go to some 15+ AA meetings a week.  It was hard to decide to leave, since I think he really is mentally ill, but I realized I wasn't giving the kids the lives they deserved.  They can't live in a revolving door if Daddy is or is not taking his medication.

Anyway, I packed up the kids and moved across the country and we are now living with my parents.  Its obviously been a huge adjustment.  The boys keep crying for their Dad and I am struggling with what to say.  Their Dad has only texted me once this past week saying he wont be able to send me much if any money bc he didn't go to work, not to talk to the kids.  I don't know if I should initiate communication, or wait for the boys to say they want to talk to him etc.  If anyone can recommend any good books, or websites on how to talk to the boys about divorce/seperation, that would be super helpful.

I look forward to getting to know all of you.  

freeatlast2014

Welcome to the board. It sounds like you have made some big moves - very difficult ones. It is wonderful that you are now with family, as that is super important and helpful. You all need their support.

My kids are smaller but we have "the dinosaurs divorce". However, it talks about mommy's house and daddy's house so I'm not sure how that would go with your boys. I'm sure it's so hard cause they are old enough to get it. Thing is, if their dad won't be consistent and you don't know what kind of shape he will be in when you call, that's something to consider. There are a few women on here that do have older children that may be able to offer you some insight. Another board, blended families, might also help. A lot of those women have kids and/or step kids with absentee parents or quasi absentee, of all ages, and offer great advice. I might repost this over there if I were you.

I'm so so sorry. We are here for you.

Oh and 1 more thing - you don't really know if he actually went to 15 meetings a week. I'm sure the message there would not be to just skip work, not take meds, etc. You might want to look for an Al-Anon meeting in your area to help you to heal and move on. They also have one for children and family therapy is always a great idea. Good luck!

MinnesotaMomma91

I think @freeqtlast2014 pretty much covered everything i had to say. Welcome to the board, hope you stick around

jellybean529

Dinosaurs Divorce is great. I also read My Life Turned Upside Down But I Turned It Right Side Up with my daughter (who is also 6) and that one seemed to resonate with her more. It also deals with mom's house & dad's house but I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing -- after all if your STBXH gets himself together you want your kids to know the door is open to have a relationship with him. In my case, XH lives in another state too so there isn't really a mom's house/dad's house thing. I'm so sorry for what you're going through -- it's a very difficult decision, but in your case it most definitely seems like the right one.