Loss check in

shandorfml2

Hi ladies! Big hugs to those who need them this week


Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How is your SO doing?

LyndseyTS

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? My counselling session was helpful and we started Serenity's garden! I'm excited about that and having a place to put the flag from Carly Marie's Prayer Flag project (not done yet). What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Finish Serenity's garden (at least as much as I'm able). A friend has volunteered to help me so that should help to keep me on track. I'm not always good at following through (even on the good stuff). We also want to make the prayer flag at some point this week if we can. QOTW: How is your SO doing? He's doing okay. I think he's finally given himself permission to break down a little bit. With all of the physical junk that had been happening over the last few months, he's had to be unusually strong to make the judgement call on whether or not to take me to emerge etc. and deal with so many emotions all over the place. Now that things have sort of calmed down, I think he's feeling like it's okay to grieve "out loud" a little bit and I appreciate that. I think that talking about it will help us both in the end.

CherryPicked

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  

I made arrangements to meet with another mom who has lost an infant, and I am looking forward to getting coffee with her this week.  I'm sure there will be tears but it is so rare to be able to talk about my baby with someone who gets it.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

I am trying to make up work that I missed while I was caring for Caroline.  Hopefully I can finish it up by the end of the week.

QOTW: How is your SO doing?  

He seems to be doing okay, but holds a lot in.  He comes to support group with me which I think is really healthy for him; that is one of the only times he speaks openly about his loss.  I think he tries to take care of me and be strong, but he has his moments of weakness too.  We are getting through this together.  He got me flowers on Saturday to help me through what would have been Caroline's 4-month-birthday.  

Manada

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

Last week I joined a late-pregnancy/infant loss group for people who were pregnant. I had originally put off going because I thought/think it's nuts that my partner isn't allowed to join that group too... BUT my partner has returned to work part-time and she is normally at work when this group happens, though I thought it might be a way to get out of the house by myself....

Otherwise, we lost our twins 6 weeks ago and I am only now beginning to sort out the paperwork needed to deal with my leave from work and the other bureaucracies. It's a daunting task, and not one I expected to have to deal with yet in pregnancy, let alone after losing our babies....

BUT we have booked our healing vacation this fall. We will be doing an all-inclusive in Mexico with a lesbian-vacation company, so we are looking forward to that, and hopeful that having something to look forward to will pull us through our grief around the babies' due date period.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

I don't really have a goal yet, aside from the paperwork stuff. I have okay days and bad days now - which our therapist thinks is progress...

One goal I do have without a specific timeframe is to print some of our photos of Tavin & Casey and our family in the hospital. I also want to put together a scrapbook with their birth story, and those things we knew about them in it - as well as the "bump" shots we took in pregnancy. I have been thinking about that, but not quite sure where to start yet.

QOTW: How is your SO doing?

She is doing okay, and may reply herself here I think with whatever she wants to say (@healz413 is my partner/love). We both have good days and bad, and work hard to support each other.

LyndseyTS

@kderoy‌ I'm glad your SO goes to group with you. Mine does too and I find it really does make all the difference in being able to understand each other. One step at a time. @Manada I agree with your therapist (though I'm definitely not one!). Even having an "okay" day here and there is progress. It's still so fresh - be kind to yourself. It took me more than a couple of months to be "okay" much of the time. Thinking of you!

healz413

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
I did cathartic release therapy this weekend for the first time. My therapist suggested it as a way for me to have some space to express my anger (as well as any other feelings I wanted to/needed to express). It was in a sound proof room with a big foam cube I could hit with a bat or a tennis racket and there were a lot of pillows I could throw. It was a little weird (because I have never done something like that before) but it also felt really good to yell and hit things in a safe environment.

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
I want to start getting into shape. We have done almost no physical activity over the last 6 weeks since we lost our babies and I did very little during the 4 weeks before that when @Manada was on bedrest. M and I are going to do couch to 5k and run a 5k in October, which is our due date month.

QOTW: How is your SO doing?
@Manada already checked in above.

stefuge

@healz413‌ - we did a 5k in honor of our son about 3 months after he was born, and it was a really good experience. We invited close friends and family to join us, and it felt good to be doing something for him (we had shirts made that said "in memory of Colton James" with his birthdate), to be surrounded by people who love and support us, and to be doing something positive and physically healthy. GL with the training and good for you both for setting a goal.

lexusolsen

New steps towards healing- today was dd's last session with her therapist. She mostly worked with dd (and us) on ways to work through the car accident (which caused ds' death) and the trauma dd suffered because of it. It's nice to know we are doing something right.

Goal- to continue to get healthy. I was doing really well before I got pregnant with Ben. It's such a struggle to see myself in the mirror and pictures. Four months later and if I'm slouching, I look pregnant. I need to do this for me. I'm switching my weigh-in days to during the week. I'm always down during the week and Friday night messes me up again. So off I go tomorrow to my ww meeting.

How is your SO?

Dh is doing much better. He has been on anti-depressants for almost two months now and they seem to be helping a lot. Poor guy was driving the car when we crashed, so he feels guilty on top of his grief. His therapist has helped with that a lot, but it still sneaks up on him when dd or I are having a rough day.

msunshine123

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
 Still working on getting in shape. It is not easy at all, but I am working on it. It helps to clear my mind sometimes just being outside.
What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
 Before our son was born we had planned to move closer to family. We bought a home prior to his due date with the intention to move sometime after he arrived. We still plan to move so I currently am applying for jobs in the new area. My H already found one - now I just need to find one too. So I've been sending out resumes and scheduling interviews.
QOTW: How is your SO doing?
 My H is doing as good as you can be given all that we've been through. We really support one another through our difficult moments. It's been such a roller coaster for both of us - 8 weeks tomorrow. We have been meeting together with a grief counselor and attending a support group - both have been a huge help.

@LyndseyTS - I like the idea of a garden. Serenity's garden will be beautiful I am sure.
@Kderoy - your husband sounds sweet - I'm glad he got you flowers for Caroline's 4 month bday.
@Manada - an all inclusive vacation to Mexico sounds amazing.
@healz413 - that's a great idea doing the couch to 5K and running a 5K in Oct for your girls.
@lexusolsen - I understand what you mean about getting back in shape - it's not easy at all.