Late Term and Child Loss

Loss check in

Hi ladies! Big hugs to those who need them this week

Welcome to the checkin! I am sorry to have to welcome new loss moms this week but am so glad that you have found us. I hope we can bring each other some much needed comfort and support. Please feel free to join in when you are ready and share as much or as little as you wish. Also, if you have any questions you would like answered, just ask! Any lurkers out there please don't be shy, we would like to be able to support you too.

Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

QOTW: How is your SO doing?

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Re: Loss check in

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week? My counselling session was helpful and we started Serenity's garden! I'm excited about that and having a place to put the flag from Carly Marie's Prayer Flag project (not done yet). What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? Finish Serenity's garden (at least as much as I'm able). A friend has volunteered to help me so that should help to keep me on track. I'm not always good at following through (even on the good stuff). We also want to make the prayer flag at some point this week if we can. QOTW: How is your SO doing? He's doing okay. I think he's finally given himself permission to break down a little bit. With all of the physical junk that had been happening over the last few months, he's had to be unusually strong to make the judgement call on whether or not to take me to emerge etc. and deal with so many emotions all over the place. Now that things have sort of calmed down, I think he's feeling like it's okay to grieve "out loud" a little bit and I appreciate that. I think that talking about it will help us both in the end.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?  

    I made arrangements to meet with another mom who has lost an infant, and I am looking forward to getting coffee with her this week.  I'm sure there will be tears but it is so rare to be able to talk about my baby with someone who gets it.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal? 

    I am trying to make up work that I missed while I was caring for Caroline.  Hopefully I can finish it up by the end of the week.

    QOTW: How is your SO doing?  

    He seems to be doing okay, but holds a lot in.  He comes to support group with me which I think is really healthy for him; that is one of the only times he speaks openly about his loss.  I think he tries to take care of me and be strong, but he has his moments of weakness too.  We are getting through this together.  He got me flowers on Saturday to help me through what would have been Caroline's 4-month-birthday.  
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

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  • ManadaManada member
    Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?

    Last week I joined a late-pregnancy/infant loss group for people who were pregnant. I had originally put off going because I thought/think it's nuts that my partner isn't allowed to join that group too... BUT my partner has returned to work part-time and she is normally at work when this group happens, though I thought it might be a way to get out of the house by myself....

    Otherwise, we lost our twins 6 weeks ago and I am only now beginning to sort out the paperwork needed to deal with my leave from work and the other bureaucracies. It's a daunting task, and not one I expected to have to deal with yet in pregnancy, let alone after losing our babies....

    BUT we have booked our healing vacation this fall. We will be doing an all-inclusive in Mexico with a lesbian-vacation company, so we are looking forward to that, and hopeful that having something to look forward to will pull us through our grief around the babies' due date period.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?

    I don't really have a goal yet, aside from the paperwork stuff. I have okay days and bad days now - which our therapist thinks is progress...

    One goal I do have without a specific timeframe is to print some of our photos of Tavin & Casey and our family in the hospital. I also want to put together a scrapbook with their birth story, and those things we knew about them in it - as well as the "bump" shots we took in pregnancy. I have been thinking about that, but not quite sure where to start yet.

    QOTW: How is your SO doing?

    She is doing okay, and may reply herself here I think with whatever she wants to say (@healz413 is my partner/love). We both have good days and bad, and work hard to support each other.
    queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,

    Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.

    Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>

    7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013.  Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.

    My Love:  (the amazing @Healz413)
    Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012.   Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
    dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.  


    Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
    Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos.  1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved.   BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255.  Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!  

    We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014.  Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies.  We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.


  • @kderoy‌ I'm glad your SO goes to group with you. Mine does too and I find it really does make all the difference in being able to understand each other. One step at a time. @Manada I agree with your therapist (though I'm definitely not one!). Even having an "okay" day here and there is progress. It's still so fresh - be kind to yourself. It took me more than a couple of months to be "okay" much of the time. Thinking of you!
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
    I did cathartic release therapy this weekend for the first time. My therapist suggested it as a way for me to have some space to express my anger (as well as any other feelings I wanted to/needed to express). It was in a sound proof room with a big foam cube I could hit with a bat or a tennis racket and there were a lot of pillows I could throw. It was a little weird (because I have never done something like that before) but it also felt really good to yell and hit things in a safe environment.

    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
    I want to start getting into shape. We have done almost no physical activity over the last 6 weeks since we lost our babies and I did very little during the 4 weeks before that when @Manada was on bedrest. M and I are going to do couch to 5k and run a 5k in October, which is our due date month.

    QOTW: How is your SO doing?
    @Manada already checked in above.
    ****loss discussed*****

    We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.

    Our IUIs
    with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.

    Our IVFs:
    IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response

    IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
    BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
    2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
    BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
    1st ultrasound (3/6  6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm. 

    ***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***

    FET #1 December 2014
    Intralipid infusion on Dec 10. Transfer of 1 day 3 nine-cell embryo into my uterus on Dec. 19. (acupuncture immediately before and after)
    BFP on Dec. 27; Beta 1 Jan 2 (14dp3dt): 665, Beta 2 Jan 4 (16dp3dt): 1859, Beta 3 Jan 6 (18dp3dt): 4449, Beta 4 Jan 10 (22dp3dt): 12,251.

      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • @healz413‌ - we did a 5k in honor of our son about 3 months after he was born, and it was a really good experience. We invited close friends and family to join us, and it felt good to be doing something for him (we had shirts made that said "in memory of Colton James" with his birthdate), to be surrounded by people who love and support us, and to be doing something positive and physically healthy. GL with the training and good for you both for setting a goal.
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    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers

    Me: 32 DH: 33  High School Sweethearts  Married 5/28/2005
    DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
    DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
    Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16.  Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
  • New steps towards healing- today was dd's last session with her therapist. She mostly worked with dd (and us) on ways to work through the car accident (which caused ds' death) and the trauma dd suffered because of it. It's nice to know we are doing something right.

    Goal- to continue to get healthy. I was doing really well before I got pregnant with Ben. It's such a struggle to see myself in the mirror and pictures. Four months later and if I'm slouching, I look pregnant. I need to do this for me. I'm switching my weigh-in days to during the week. I'm always down during the week and Friday night messes me up again. So off I go tomorrow to my ww meeting.

    How is your SO?

    Dh is doing much better. He has been on anti-depressants for almost two months now and they seem to be helping a lot. Poor guy was driving the car when we crashed, so he feels guilty on top of his grief. His therapist has helped with that a lot, but it still sneaks up on him when dd or I are having a rough day.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

  • Have you taken any new steps towards healing this week?
     Still working on getting in shape. It is not easy at all, but I am working on it. It helps to clear my mind sometimes just being outside.
    What is the next goal you have set for yourself? Do you have a plan to help achieve that goal?
     Before our son was born we had planned to move closer to family. We bought a home prior to his due date with the intention to move sometime after he arrived. We still plan to move so I currently am applying for jobs in the new area. My H already found one - now I just need to find one too. So I've been sending out resumes and scheduling interviews.
    QOTW: How is your SO doing?
     My H is doing as good as you can be given all that we've been through. We really support one another through our difficult moments. It's been such a roller coaster for both of us - 8 weeks tomorrow. We have been meeting together with a grief counselor and attending a support group - both have been a huge help.

    @LyndseyTS - I like the idea of a garden. Serenity's garden will be beautiful I am sure.
    @Kderoy - your husband sounds sweet - I'm glad he got you flowers for Caroline's 4 month bday.
    @Manada - an all inclusive vacation to Mexico sounds amazing.
    @healz413 - that's a great idea doing the couch to 5K and running a 5K in Oct for your girls.
    @lexusolsen - I understand what you mean about getting back in shape - it's not easy at all. 
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