Late Term and Child Loss

Thought I was ok...but

Hello ladies. It has been a few months since I have posted. My most recent loss: on Dec. 23 we had our NT scan which came back abnormal. Jan, we had an amnio which confirmed our baby had Downs Syndrome. January another scan revealed a brain defect...that may or may not have "healed itself". It was the hardest decision we have ever made but we chose to terminate the pg. For the last couple months, I thought I was at peace with it. Until now. A friend of mine was due 1 week after me and she just had her baby. My brain keeps spinning with "Does God foegive me or understand" "did I make the right decision". I am feeling very heart broken. I feel like I have been tortured with of (19 pregnancies but 3 live children). I am just having a hard time now. I have not talked to my husband about this recently but I think I will.
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Paige 8/5/99, Kara 7/22/03 and Benjamin 1/19/13
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10 losses 1996-1998, 2 losses 2001-2002, 3 losses 2010-2012, loss 1/2014

Re: Thought I was ok...but

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    I'm so sorry you're hurting and questioning your decision.  I've never been faced with that so I don't have experience with how you must feel, but just know that you made the best decision you could for your baby at the time.  I don't think there is ever a "right" decision.  Nobody can tell what the future holds, so you could only do the best you can do at the time.  More than likely, if you could go back and make the opposit decision, you would probably also doubt that at times, and wonder if what you did was best.  But no matter what, you made your decision out of love for your child, so in my book, that can never be wrong.

    I hope you can find peace with it, and I am so so sorry to read your loss history.  It's so unfair ((hugs)) mama.

    Lilypie - (fm2j)

    Lilypie - (YesX)

     My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks.  Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. That is such a difficult situation, but I hope you can find peace knowing you did what you did out of love.

    I also hope you can talk to your husband about it. I find when I start questioning medical decisions we made, especially the decision at the end of our son's life to remove care, my husband can often be a clear voice to remind me why we did what we did. I sometimes start changing history in my mind and start thinking we did the wrong thing and Lincoln would be here and healthy if we didn't, but that clear voice brings me back to what the situation really was.

    hsabyan
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