Learning to deal with Infertillity

doucettechristina

Was doing some google searches trying to deal with all of my feelings today and thought some of you might like these

                          

                               

                     

BethKate2

Those are so dead-on.

Another that I seem to get a lot is, "So-and-so had trouble getting pregnant too, and all she needed to do was xyz," when, come to find out, it took so-and-so like 6 months to get pregnant.

Chasity08

The one about being lucky because all her husband had to do was look at her...yep. I've had that said to me. Good for you...dick. Probably the most inconsiderate thing anyone has ever said to me.

dancerspose

Thanks for that!  I finally came clean to one of my closest girlfriends about our struggles this week (she has two little ones) and I got all those responses "I know some people it took awhile for"  "you're probably just stressing" "have you checked xyz"

I just wanted the support and was honestly a little disappointed in the reaction I got, even though I know, in her mind, she was just trying to help.

doucettechristina

I think by human nature people just want to help. They don't mean anything bad by it. Since they haven't been through it they don't understand we don't want their help we just want their support. If we want help we will ask for it. Other than that just be sensitive to our needs and what you say around us regarding pregnancy, etc. 

LindseyM2012

Oh my goodness, yes!  I finally came out of the IF closet to my mother.  Not my best idea.  She asked what I was planning to do about it, so I told her I am already taking Synthroid and my RE has a preliminary plan of Metformin & Letrozole (unless there are any surprise results with my husband's SA) and that I will have to take BCP when I'm not TTC to control my hormones and keep from elevating my risk of uterine cancer.  She says, "That sounds like a lot of medication! Are you sure you want to go through all that? Isn't that going to hurt your liver?"  I make the analogy to diabetes, but point out that if I'm not TTC I will only be on BCP and not all this other stuff.  She is not completely anti-doctor, but is definitely more pro-alternative medicine.  She just doesn't get it when it comes to IF.  I will not be talking to her about IF issues going forward.

shirleymaeby

I read this cracked article a few weeks ago and was like "OMG, yes!!  Thank God someone understands!"  https://www.cracked.com/blog/5-surprisingly-outdated-problems-infertile-couples-face/

Unhelpful response from sister that has three kids: "Stop trying so hard.  You don't even know what you're hurting over but trust me, being a parent is harder than you think it is.  I wouldn't be so upset about not having kids."  Thanks bitch.

catlover790

These are so true!



child-adoption mentioned**



I had a friend I talked to recently and I was telling her about my "friend" who was having TTTC (really me but I didn't want her to know we are TTC) and she says; "well they can just adopt! There are lots of kids who need homes" After she just had a baby. I was like seriously WTF?!

I also like the one about IF being a medical condition and not something that can be fixed by "relaxing". I hate that people don't recognize it as something serious!

@kmdecoux I can't believe your sister said that! That is really mean! I'm sorry!

shirleymaeby

Seriously fuck everyone who thinks that either a.) adoption is a method of conception or b.) that there are "tons of children waiting to be adopted".  You obviously have less than zero idea what you are even talking about.  GTFO.

catlover790

@kmdecoux‌ Yeah, it was not a fun day for me. after that I told her (nicely) that I had to get going. I just couldn't believe her. Unfortunately, that's not the first time I've heard that response either though.

@viola27‌ That is a very interesting read; I haven't seen it before. Thanks for sharing it!

Pintobean39

**** pregnancy and losses mentioned ****


I liked the part of the article that @kmdecoux‌ posted about celebrities. I know it's possible for some of them to have a baby without going through treatments but I wish people would be more open.

This past weekend I went off on a girls night out. One of the girls happened to be 6 months pregnant. A couple people knew I have been going through IVF but not everyone. My question is why is it ok for the girl that's pregnant to say yeah "it just happened", she was only dating the guy for a month or two and got pregnant. Everyone is perfectly happy with it and all excited for her.

I'm kinda open about my IVF especially in small settings. When I mentioned something about me doing IVF and the fact I lost 4 babies in a year people just get quiet. I'm sure sometimes they don't know what to say but I don't talk about it like I'm upset about any of it. I'm excited about my 3 babies that we call popsicles right now, the whole time I heard "why are you doing all this", "you're going to have your hands full", of course I'm 40 now so I hear the "are you sure you really are prepared on how hard it is going to be". You should have seen how quiet the room got when we got up the next morning and I started drawing up medicine and injecting stuff in my stomach. Fuck I'm in a hotel room with 5 girls am I suppose to hide in a corner and do this, if I was a diabetic and giving myself insulin it would be NBD. IVF and infertility treatments are so taboo, everyone says "you are going to have a litter", I'm sick of hearing that personally.

I've had a family member say why not just adopt, like it's so easy. Fuck I can't even get an insurance company to give me hardly any life insurance and they flat out deny me for long term care. No one is going to give us a baby because of my medical problems. This is our only chance we have. When we finally do have a baby which will probably be through IVF I'm going to tell the world that's how we got our baby. It's not taboo to me, it is just what it is.

Pintobean39

@viola27‌ I seriously teared up about what you said about your father. As I'm 40 myself, I worry all the time about not having the stamina of someone in their 20's or even early 30's. I hope our future child/children don't mind having a "geriatric" parent. Btw that is the new term for people my age that are pregnant "geriatric pregnancy". Yeah me!!!!

jencity9

That lost of comparisons to someone who is in a wheelchair are so true BUT I find that I don't even want to share with anyone in real life because I think that rather than gain insight from it I would be ridiculed for comparing my situation to one like that. I know someone who has a friend who was in an accident and became paralyzed and I can only imagine their reaction, so I don't even go there. I find myself wanting to post things on FB sometimes (we are officially out on FB) yet I still feel weird about it which I shouldn't have to!!

BunnyBerry

Amen.

Ick, just ick. Hate that stuff.

The only thing I love about it - giving us a chance to advocate for IF sufferers and make someone else look ignorant!!

doucettechristina

@triathlete23 I get it all the time. I especially get - You're only 26, why are you in a rush? You still have plenty of time. Little do these people know that at age 30 a women only has an eighth of her eggs left. And even if that wasn't the case, it's not up to you whether I want to wait or not! The majority of my friends are still out and partying every night and they don't understand why I would even want to have kids now. 

Being young I get them all. "You have time." "My so and so got pregnant with PCOS so I'm sure it's not that big of a deal you just have to keep trying." "Aren't you glad you don't have kids now that you're out with us? It'd be so hard for you to just up and go if you had kids." These all irritate the hell out of me! People just don't get it. There have been many times I've wanted to carry around a list of things NOT to say to people with fertility problems and just hand them out as I walk into a room.

Thankfully my mother is a nurse, so she gets it and is very sensitive to the situation and more worried about the additional complications someone suffering with PCOS will have ie. higher risk of heart attack, high blood pressure, etc. She likes to tell me that when I DO get pregnant we'll have to watch my blood pressure and that she will be my walking partner. She is my rock on my hard days and always talks to me about the positive.  I'm coming out of the IF closet to my mother-in-law tonight so we will see how this goes. She can be the typical person who just wants to give advice and act like things are no big deal. But I think it's time I've told them whats going on so that they know why I have been so distant lately (my SIL is pregnant #2 with barely any trying).

tweetyknicks

@Pintobean39 We say in martial arts that speed comes from efficient movement. I think in this case an older parent doesn't necessarily need the stamina of a younger parent. Older parents have had more time to streamline their lives and need less stamina for the same outcome. There are many paths to being a great parent.

Just a theory.

cupcake122

I had a friend tell me to "take a break" from seeing the RE for a few months to see if it happens naturally. No, bitch, it won't happen naturally. That's why I started seeing an RE LOL

Pintobean39

tweetyknicks said:

@Pintobean39 We say in martial arts that speed comes from efficient movement. I think in this case an older parent doesn't necessarily need the stamina of a younger parent. Older parents have had more time to streamline their lives and need less stamina for the same outcome. There are many paths to being a great parent.

Just a theory.

I like that!!! Thanks!


I don't think it matters if you are older like me or younger like some of the other people on here. People always have something to say. They all come with their own share of advantages and downfalls, but doesn't mean any of us won't be great parents. So we just need to tell all the people that love to give their 2 cents based on our ages to just STFU!

SnowFlake84

It's especially nice when they say "It must not be meant to be" and "relax and it will happen." Ummm... kay.

ashtownyeah

Those pics are spot on! I especially like the Clomid one, haha!

It's hard dealing with people's comments. I try to remember that they say these things because they care, and they're not trying to hurt me, but it doesn't really help when it happens. 

Just yesterday I ended up in tears when my mom went on and on about how I "just need to relax" and "it will happen when it's meant to happen" and "if it doesn't happen, there is more than one way to become a mom." 

I am sad, and sometimes I wish people would just let me be sad. I don't need you to fix me. 

::hugs:: to you all!

steen9713

Thank you for sharing, kind of made my day to have a little light humor while dealing with IF