LO crying for SIL

nortiz03

Okay, I know I hardly ever post... but I just kind of need someone to listen or talk to someone who knows what this feels like.

Yesterday, LO threw a huge fit when my SIL was leaving to go home and only wanted to be held by her.  Now she is the one who babysits LO while I work so I knew (probably didn't want to admit it) that LO would become close/attached to my SIL.  She has reached for her as soon as I drop her off which hurt a little but I know she likes it there and plays with my 3 year old nephew and niece for the summer. 

Yesterday was the first time she threw a FIT for my SIL.  I couldn't even calm her down, she ended up throwing her head back and busting my lip.  I know it's probably just part of being a working mom (LO getting attached to sitter).  Later that night I felt bad because I actually was almost mad at LO (I know that may sound awful but that is how I was feeling). 

I guess what I'm getting too is have any of you dealt with this and are you just heart broken or how do you handle it?  I find myself feeling alot of mommy guilt and almost jealousy when she does this:(

john5111

I have the opposite concern...mine I always worry he doesnt like my dc provider..I always worry about him. hahaha! Maybe its just me.  He s usually always excited to see me at the end of the day.

nortiz03

mishy2011 said:

LO goes through phases with who she wants to be with the most. Don't take it personally. It doesn't bother me since there are times when she only wants me. It's worse when she cries bc I'm leaving her at daycare versus her reaching for her teacher.

She's done this too, but only a handful of times since I went back to work when she was 2 months old.  Not full on crying or throwing a fit but just whiney a bit where my SIL has distracted her so that I can walk out the door.  Which is hard too but I find it alot harder to deal with something like yesterday.

smg2302

Whenever we visit MIL, DD only wants her.  I'm okay with it though.  I t allows to me to sleep in ad get some me time.  I'm thankful they have a good relationship.  I used to get very jealous, now I just try to find the silver lining.

nortiz03

Thanks beaubecca:)  I know, I know that's what I try to tell myself that she is really happy there and I don't worry about her while I'm work (I think I worry more when she is with DH). 

My SIL doesn't take LO from my arms I usually just hand her over if she reaches for SIL.  I feel like when this happens (especially around other people like MIL and family) it is so much worse.  My MIL has made comments like " She could care less if you were around" or " The baby is so close to _______"  But I feel like she is saying that to make me feel bad....

I think I need to work on my confidence as a mother too, that's why I have such a hard time with this. 

Yes to this 100%- It's a tough pill to swallow when they don't want to say goodbye or come with us.

coffeeandbooks

 I think the big picture is that your LO really likes the person who takes care of them every day, that is really important.  It took many months for my LO to bond with my babysitter and it felt like crap leaving him with someone he didn't seem to like.  Knock wood, he is now excited to see her and I feel much better leaving him with her knowing that he likes her and is bonded with her. 
Either way, you are still mommy and at the end of day your LO will love you.

bumpuser3155624

That is awful what your MIL is saying.
Agree with @beaubecca‌ fake confidence and that it doesn't bother you then maybe MIL wont comment.

nortiz03

beaubecca and jacqueandadam this is exactly what I have been trying to do, faking my confidence!  I feel like my face shows it all, so in the past when LO goes to my SIL (she has preferred to sit in SILs lap or held by SIL when I'm right there in the room) I could just tell by the looks on everyones faces they could tell how much it bothered me.  That's one reason I kind of dread getting together just dealing with that. 

I actually cried as soon as I got home after my MIL said that.  I cried and held LO, I felt so bad and just guilty for leaving her.  I even called DH and told him.  I know when she said that everyone could tell in my face that it hurt (LO wouldn't come to me when I was trying to get up and leave so that made it worse) but I just kind of said "oh it's because she has candy"  couldn't think of anything else to say.

When it's just me and my SIL I feel like its just awkward when LO prefers her over me, like she knows it bothers me but usually doesn't say anything.  Me actually acknowledging it or faking it and saying things like "Oh, you want to go to Aunt _____?" or In the mornings when I drop her off and she is already reaching for her I don't let her go until I give her a kiss is helping  me in a way.

MamaMD

This makes me so sad to read and pissed at your MIL.  As a working mama I understand your guilt and I am sorry you are going through this with your MIL making it worse.  Your LO loves you and knows you are her mama, please don't doubt that!  I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that your LO is happy and obviously well cared for by your SIL.

nortiz03

Thanks MamaMD, I keep reminding myself that when I get down.