UO Thursday

absolutelymaybe

lissydee said:

lissydee said:

Regarding birth plans--I don't think they are necessary per se. What I do think is necessary is to research your options and know the risks and benefits associated with certain interventions that you may be considering. IMO being a FTM is no excuse to go in uninformed. You have 9 months to prepare--read the literature, blogs and ask the appropriate questions of your provider, the hospital/birth center and staff. What I find extremely odd is that many women willing to choose to remain ignorant of the process when at one of the most important thing a we will ever do with our bodies and is (or can be) such a defining moment in our lives. It has been shown time and time again that how a woman views her birth experience has a great impact on her post partum period (in terms of infant bonding, breastfeeding--if this is something you are choosing--and whether she is at risk for post partum mood disorders). I mean, we research baby products and gear to no end, but not how process of giving birth? It just strikes me as entirely odd and we are so blasé about it. Birth matters. Big time.

Do I count as an ignorant FTM if I've done research and still don't have an opinion about most things related to my babies' birth? Or maybe I do have an opinion (the opinion that I just don't care what happens, I'm along for the ride)? I'm a really laid back, go-with-the-flow type of person anyway, so I think that may be part of it. 

I don't think it's wrong to have a birth plan. I mean, obviously I was researching them and learning more. It's just not my style. 

Yes, I actually do find it odd that if you did do your research that you have 0 preferences what so ever. That nothing sparked your interest or even your concern.

No, not at all. I know I want a medicated birth. I want an epidural. I'm not squeemish about needles or sensitive to meds that I know of. I will need an IV in anyway in case of a C-section (if we attempt a vaginal birth). In unfamiliar situations, I prefer guidance and being instructed what to do so I encourage feedback and instruction from the nurses. I trust my doctor to tell me when the babies need to come out. I would rather not attempt vaginal unless A is bigger and they are both head down, but I would be willing to listen to my OB's opinion if he thinks there's a good chance he could get both out safely without doing one vaginal and then getting stuck with a c-section (this is what I want to avoid at all costs - the double whammy). But it will all depend on how the babies are doing and I can't really say for sure how I am going to feel the day of.  DH does not want to cut the cord. I don't have an opinion on skin to skin or delayed cord clamping. I want the focus to be on doing what's healthiest for the babies at that time and crossing my fingers they won't need NICU time. Ideally, we intend to breast feed and pump or EP (I've never breastfed before, I don't know how I'm going to feel). If they end up in the NICU, I will be pumping so that will be at least some of their supply but I'm not sure what my supply will be, if it will be enough, etc. So, another one I am going to just play by ear. I am not opposed to them receiving formula. 

That's what I have off the top of my head.

Edit: missing words

AnnieRoo13

absolutelymaybe said:

lizzielu82 said:

My UO - chalkboards are overrated*. I'm over them being used for pregnancy progress pics, engagement announcements or anything else. Where does one even buy a chalkboard? I've never seen them for sale in an actual store. 

*exception for all the N14 moms - your chalkboards are elite in terms of usage and overall cuteness factor. This is more of a UO for the randoms on Facebook that seem to have run out of ideas in terms of communication. 

I'm always jealous of how nice the handwriting is on those chalkboard announcements. Mine would look like a 3 year kid scrawled it.

This is probably a FFFC but I couldn't find a chalkboard when I went to do our FB announcement so I had my MIL design and print it at her print shop. The sign in my avatars pic isn't a chalkboard at all and just looks like one. I also probably couldn't have written that neatly if it had been a chalkboard.

mommymeg143

uncharted01 said:

lizzielu82 said:

My UO - chalkboards are overrated*. I'm over them being used for pregnancy progress pics, engagement announcements or anything else. Where does one even buy a chalkboard? I've never seen them for sale in an actual store. 

*exception for all the N14 moms - your chalkboards are elite in terms of usage and overall cuteness factor. This is more of a UO for the randoms on Facebook that seem to have run out of ideas in terms of communication. 

I guess I need a new siggy picture! (

hehe

I like your picture!! I may be biased because our LOs share the same due date...so that in itself makes your board so much cooler than anyone elses.  I also think it's super cool that your baby is due on the same day that you and your DH became BF & GF.  I'm super sentimental like that though. 

wallygirl

I don't think having a birth plan is necessary. Possibly can actually at times be a hindrance if you are the type of person that has problems changing their minds once decisions have been made. That being said I do think that you need to do research and know the kind of birth you want to have if possible. With DD I had things in mind I did and didn't want but no official birth plan. Most of those ended up not happening the way I wanted because of complications. I think we have to understand that a birth plan is a guideline and be flexible if things need to change. I do not think labor is something you should go into without any research. I trust my dr completely and our views on labor are extremely similar. However there is no guarantee that my OB will deliver me and knowing how I would like my delivery to go would be extra important in that circumstance.

lisaren

I was thinking the same thing @lissydee‌ kinda looks a little like a "plan" to me!!

scarlet3egonias

No, not at all. I know I want a medicated birth. I want an epidural. I'm not squeemish about needles or sensitive to meds that I know of. I will need an IV in anyway in case of a C-section (if we attempt a vaginal birth). In unfamiliar situations, I prefer guidance and being instructed what to do so I encourage feedback and instruction from the nurses. I trust my doctor to tell me when the babies need to come out. I would rather not attempt vaginal unless A is bigger and they are both head down, but I would be willing to listen to my OB's opinion if he thinks there's a good chance he could get both out safely without doing one vaginal and then getting stuck with a c-section (this is what I want to avoid at all costs - the double whammy). But it will all depend on how the babies are doing and I can't really say for sure how I am going to feel the day of.  DH does not want to cut the cord. I don't have an opinion on skin to skin or delayed cord clamping. I want the focus to be on doing what's healthiest for the babies at that time and crossing my fingers they won't need NICU time. Ideally, we intend to breast feed and pump or EP (I've never breastfed before, I don't know how I'm going to feel). If they end up in the NICU, I will be pumping so that will be at least some of their supply but I'm not sure what my supply will be, if it will be enough, etc. So, another one I am going to just play by ear. I am not opposed to them receiving formula. 

That's what I have off the top of my head.

Edit: missing words

This is exactly how I feel.  I have faith in my doctors.  Honestly, I have seen friends labor for freaking days and end up getting induced anyway and I think "see, should have listened to the dr and done that 36 hours ago!" I have no experience giving birth.  My doctor knows me well and has delivered thousands of healthy babies.  I think delayed cord clamping and skin to skin would be nice, but its not a deal breaker for me and honestly the rest is totally up to the doctor.  I will not change my opinon on the drugs though.  I want them all.   Gimme gimme gimme.

absolutelymaybe

lissydee said:

I am just going to throw this out there, because it illustrates why I personally believe birth matters. It's a tough read, but and important one. I do not believe that this is something that the majority of women face, however it is real, it and it does exist. And for those who it exists for, they are shamed by it and suffer in silence because the general public feels that "as long as the baby is alive/healthy" then that is all that that matters. Yes, that's true. Absolutely. But mom matters too, and I don't believe the two to be mutually exclusive. https://www.improvingbirth.org/2014/07/trauma/

You might be interested in knowing that when I first started on this board I was more of the "as long as the baby is alive/heathy" group and thought birth plans were silly, but after reading stuff like this it has changed my mind and I do understand how some people are impacted by the type of birthing experience they have. 

I'm more of a science than feelings-based person in general and going through the invasive process of infertility treatments (IUI and IVF) had really desensitized me to the sensitivity of pregnancy and birth. I've been prodded by so many "dildocams" I'm pretty sure I know my uterus better than my vagina. Twice, I've been injected with sperm from a person I'd never met (we had to use donor when we first tried with IUI since we were male factor infertility and the chance of success was too low). We were hundreds of miles away when our babies were finally conceived and when I finally "got pregnant", I was in a room full of lab workers and medical professionals (my husband wasn't present since they didn't allow non medical staff in the OR). 

I don't feel ashamed or regretful of any of that for a minute. In fact, I look back and smile at every one of those appointments or awkward moments because as I sit here and type this I'm looking down at an ultrasound pic of the twins I keep by my computer. Worth every minute and every penny. 

But I do understand I've been shaped by my experiences and that not every woman is like me.  In fact, I'd say most are not. I've learned that, while I feel comforted and secure in a medical type environment (which is kind of amazing because I used to get panic attacks going into hospitals when I was younger), other women might feel threatened or panicked. While I want to ease pain during my labor, I understand that comes with potential side effects that not everyone feels are best or right for them. I know that each individual labor and birth is unique and special to the woman experiencing it and she should feel empowered to take charge of her scenario and make it into one that is comforting for her. 

Sorry, this got long. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate @lissydee and the others on this board for opening my eyes to the different types of birthing experiences and making me understand the value in them. Even though I sometimes feel like I'm on the opposite site of the spectrum, I feel like knowing this stuff makes me feel better going into this thing knowing it is OK to stand up for myself if something feels off or ask questions to make my own experience better. 

Shutting up now. 

Edit: Words are apparently really freaking hard for me today. 

absolutelymaybe

lissydee said:

No, not at all. I know I want a medicated birth. I want an epidural. I'm not squeemish about needles or sensitive to meds that I know of. I will need an IV in anyway in case of a C-section (if we attempt a vaginal birth). In unfamiliar situations, I prefer guidance and being instructed what to do so I encourage feedback and instruction from the nurses. I trust my doctor to tell me when the babies need to come out. I would rather not attempt vaginal unless A is bigger and they are both head down, but I would be willing to listen to my OB's opinion if he thinks there's a good chance he could get both out safely without doing one vaginal and then getting stuck with a c-section (this is what I want to avoid at all costs - the double whammy). But it will all depend on how the babies are doing and I can't really say for sure how I am going to feel the day of.  DH does not want to cut the cord. I don't have an opinion on skin to skin or delayed cord clamping. I want the focus to be on doing what's healthiest for the babies at that time and crossing my fingers they won't need NICU time. Ideally, we intend to breast feed and pump or EP (I've never breastfed before, I don't know how I'm going to feel). If they end up in the NICU, I will be pumping so that will be at least some of their supply but I'm not sure what my supply will be, if it will be enough, etc. So, another one I am going to just play by ear. I am not opposed to them receiving formula. 

That's what I have off the top of my head.

Edit: missing words

----- I would say that that is a pretty extensive list of preferences actually. And that you do have a plan. It may be loose and open to change, but a plan none the less of how you'd like things to go.

Clipped quote boxes.

I'll be damned. I do have a plan! LOL. I just figured it didn't count because so many things are up in the air. I felt like plans I've read were more "I do want..." and "I don't want that...." Mine is more "If it all possible..." and "Depending on the situation..." 

mommymeg143

excitedpreggo12 said:

I don't get the whole trendy name hate vs unique names vs classic. Who the fuck cares. It's not your kid. I don't want my son running around with the name Samuel or John just as I wouldn't want De'Jackson, so guess what? I won't name him names I don't like and worry about my own child, problem solved. You won't get a pat on the back or a cookie for naming your kid Oliva Marie Elizabeth so stfu. And guess which name category my son's name will be in? Lol.

Girl, you are on a roll today!!  =D> =D>  =D>

emoxymoose

excitedpreggo12 said:

I don't like people that turn their noses up at "normal" or "natural" things without ever having tried it or seen anyone try it, trying to fit in a crowd and not standing out.

If that makes sense.

Are we talking about this in terms of birthing? Because, IMO, the "natural" expectant mothers are way more snobby than those that are open to modern pain management.

Good for those that choose to go it alone, I'm glad it worked for you but don't make others feel bad for the path that worked for them.

Also, I believe that all birth is "natural." It's a natural process, that may or may not be drug free.

Ineedmorecoffee

MrsC430 said:

My UO- I'm dreading the day our girls ask me to take them to Chuck E Cheese. The one near us is popular, but it's sketchy & gross :-S Maybe they all aren't that way?


Stuck in a box! No, all chuck E cheeses I have been to are sketchy, dirty and gross. I hate them.

lisaren

To me my BP wasn't a say all do all for exact what will happen, more like my own comfort and personal wants and wishes.

I also like unique names. Like kali my daughter. We pulled my husbands name and my name together to make kali. It's not super popular but it has special meaning.

MrsG1019

My UO will probably be a big one:

Not a fan of seeing babies out in sleepers. X_X there, I said it! Lol IMO sleepers are PJs and unless baby is in the house/sleeping ... just like I wouldn't go out to eat or to a social event in PJs... baby shouldn't either. Onesies and matching pants or an actual outfit is my go to.

Don't shun me ;;)

abbyful

excitedpreggo12 said:

@MrsG1019 that might not be a UO lol... but call me crazy, I had no idea what newborns were even supposed to wear during outings before I went into the baby section at stores. Whatever I saw a baby in I just thought that's what they were supposed to have on. But now that I know; anyone in pajamas outside of the house, babies included, might get a side eye lol

Edit: words

Meh, DS lived in either sleep-and-plays or a onesie + BabyLegs for his first 6 months. Especially during the winter months, sleep-and-plays are awesome. I plan to dress this baby the same.

MrsLillyG

Do most women have written birth plans? I would guess not... but that is based on zero research.

also the average monetary gift given at my wedding was probably around $150.  So I guess it depends on your circle what the norm is...?

emoxymoose

I'm all about baby going out in a onesie layered with a sleeper in the winter months. It's the easiest way to stay warm. Warmer months can be the cute stylish time.

phdprocrastinator

MrsG1019 said:

My UO will probably be a big one: Not a fan of seeing babies out in sleepers. X_X there, I said it! Lol IMO sleepers are PJs and unless baby is in the house/sleeping ... just like I wouldn't go out to eat or to a social event in PJs... baby shouldn't either. Onesies and matching pants or an actual outfit is my go to. Don't shun me ;;)

I LOVE babies in sleepers.  Sleepers and rompers: they're just so cute and functional and they make babies look like babies.

I hated onesies due to cloth diapering.  And shirts just don't work well for newborns.  

AnnieRoo13

MrsG1019 said:

My UO will probably be a big one:

Not a fan of seeing babies out in sleepers. X_X there, I said it! Lol IMO sleepers are PJs and unless baby is in the house/sleeping ... just like I wouldn't go out to eat or to a social event in PJs... baby shouldn't either. Onesies and matching pants or an actual outfit is my go to.

Don't shun me ;;)

Generally I would agree with you, I don't think pj's are acceptable out of doors attire. That being said, I live in Canada and there are days where it is stupid cold here. If I have to take LO out then you can be sure he'll be wearing a onesie with a footed sleeper on top and a fleece layer on top of that. Likely no one will even see that as he'll also be covered in a blanket. When it's cold out it will be all about warmth.

Allisonville

I hate the phrase "catching the baby" in reference to the ob/gyn's role during a birth. My first pregnancy, both doctors used it multiple times in a very offhanded way and I thought it was odd. Then I gave birth and I realized that very literally their role is to "catch the baby." Still, hearing it just rubs me the wrong way. It seems so...flippant.

lizgrace03

flutterbuggie said:

moon&back said:

I don't think people should have to announce that they edited their posts when spelling/grammar aren't correct.

I don't state my reason for editing a lot of the time unless it was a lot after the fact.  Most of the time when I edit it's immediately after so I don't see a need.

I was hardcore about it when I first started posting, but I've quit doing it. The only reason I ETA now is if I forgot to include some information.

Maelara

excitedpreggo12 said:

@MrsG1019 that might not be a UO lol... but call me crazy, I had no idea what newborns were even supposed to wear during outings before I went into the baby section at stores. Whatever I saw a baby in I just thought that's what they were supposed to have on. But now that I know; anyone in pajamas outside of the house, babies included, might get a side eye lol Edit: words

I never intended to dress N in sleepers only in the beginning. I had only held a newborn a handful of times and I was scared I was going to hurt her if I manipulated her limbs. Also, I had a csection. It was hard to stand. Once I healed, I had PPD and the clothing my baby wore was seriously the last thing on my mind. Though, I did add a headband when we went out. Sleepers are easy and your newborn pees, poops and vomits on EVERYTHING. Sometimes, you run out of those cute little outfits. This time, I'm sticking to sleepers and onsies with little pants.

Maelara

ClrkKntismyAE said:

excitedpreggo12 said:

@MrsG1019 that might not be a UO lol... but call me crazy, I had no idea what newborns were even supposed to wear during outings before I went into the baby section at stores. Whatever I saw a baby in I just thought that's what they were supposed to have on. But now that I know; anyone in pajamas outside of the house, babies included, might get a side eye lol Edit: words

I never intended to dress N in sleepers only in the beginning. I had only held a newborn a handful of times and I was scared I was going to hurt her if I manipulated her limbs. Also, I had a csection. It was hard to stand. Once I healed, I had PPD and the clothing my baby wore was seriously the last thing on my mind. Though, I did add a headband when we went out. Sleepers are easy and your newborn pees, poops and vomits on EVERYTHING. Sometimes, you run out of those cute little outfits. This time, I'm sticking to sleepers and onsies with little pants.

------------------------- In the beginning it seemed like more effort I put into DD's clothes and the more adorable she looked, the more likely it was the she would have a diaper blowout before I even left the house. Resulting in her wearing whatever sleeper was on top of the clean laundry pile. It was like Murphy's Law of dressing a baby.

Lol, yes! N did it as soon I put her in the carseat! Little stinky

abbyful

MrsLillyG said:

Do most women have written birth plans? I would guess not... but that is based on zero research.

also the average monetary gift given at my wedding was probably around $150.  So I guess it depends on your circle what the norm is...?

I had it written out. I went over it with my doctor ahead of time to see what he had to say about my wishes, and then I also took a copy with me when I checked in to L&D.

It was nice not to be asked everything, like the nurses didn't even mention drugs to me because they could read in my birth plan I didn't want them. And there's no way I probably would have remembered to say "don't cut the cord yet!" (we did delayed clamping) as soon as DS came out. Etc. Having it all down on paper was helpful and less for me to worry about.

kfo22

Maelara said:

sj+cm131 said:

I am kinda bummed that the OP from that 3rd tri thread earlier this week got banned. I am not saying that she didn't deserve it. I understand why she got banned and completely agree that she went over the line in her comments. Outside of her horrible remark, I found it to be a rather entertaining train wreck to read and now we won't know what's next in the story...

It went from entertaining to completely out of line and needing to be dealt with the second she brought abbyful's father into it. I couldn't stomach going past page 2 because it made me so sick.

I missed something... time to go read

lizgrace03

flutterbuggie said:

lizgrace03 said:

flutterbuggie said:

moon&back said:

I don't think people should have to announce that they edited their posts when spelling/grammar aren't correct.

I don't state my reason for editing a lot of the time unless it was a lot after the fact.  Most of the time when I edit it's immediately after so I don't see a need.

I was hardcore about it when I first started posting, but I've quit doing it. The only reason I ETA now is if I forgot to include some information.

I'll be honest, I've never understood what ETA even stands for.

---

Edited To Add

runningmama14

abbyful said:

I think opossums are adorable. (Fun fact: They don't carry rabies, their body temperature is too low for the virus to survive!)

Hate to break it to ya @abbyful, but opossums do carry rabies.  Not as frequently as other mammals, but they do  You can still love them though!  I've worked with a lot of them and I don't think they are as bad as most people do, but "adorable" is pushing it in my book ;-)