*SS* just needed to vent... could use some words of encouragement.

cMichelle0423

While I don't think I have PPD, the last week has been rough. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep or that I'm having a hard time adjusting to having two kids...I've broken down into uncontrollable sobbing at least 3 or 4 times since Sunday. I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated and sad.

I feel like such a failure of a mother lately. I'm having such a hard time with finding time to give my 17 month old positive attention. And since he's been acting out SO much lately because HE'S still adjusting to not being an only child anymore, I've found my self giving him more negative attention than anything else. I feel like im always yelling at him to get out of whatever trouble he's trying to get into and I'm having such a hard time disciplining him because I feel like nothing works. I try to make time for just me and him, but since DH works so much it's hard. I feel like he hates me or feels like I hate him. My hear breaks because I'm afraid that I'm pushing him away and making him feel unwanted or unloved...

On top of all that, I feel like I've officially lost my identity as an individual. I'm nothing but a wife and a mother now. Don't get me wrong though, I love being both. But I've lost myself. I don't ever get time to myself and I never get a chance to relax. I can't even enjoy a shower because I'm in a constant rush to try to take care of myself so that I can tend to the kids. I'm doing my best but I don't feel like it's good enough. Ugh. I just want cry.

Sorry this was so long...

BMaidPlanner

Sending you strength. I don't have two kids but I am in awe of all of you that do. You are not a wife and mother, you are a superhero.

ashanne88

Hugs. I'm so sorry. You're doing a great job! You're doing the best for your family and that's all anyone can ask for.

I know how you feel about losing your identity. Have you had a chance to do anything on your own lately? Maybe your husband can watch the kids for just an hour when he's home to let you do something for yourself where you don't have to be mommy? Sometimes we all just need a break and some time to ourselves.

Hang in there!

Damnliz

I have a 4yr, 2yr old and a 6 week old. I can totally relate. Some days all I do is yell because I've become so impatient with the older two. This is hard work! Things will get better when you are getting more sleep! Which I pray for you and I that it happens soon.
Spend a little time cuddling with your older one. He just needs to know you're still the same old mom he is used to.
Can your DH give you a break? I think a shower, a pedicure and a cup of coffee could make you feel human again! If any of this doesn't make sense-sorry been awake for too long.

RedMar

Hang in there!! I can't relate with being a STM but I hear you on the identity crisis. If your DH can't help, is there a friend that can?? Even if it's just coming over to keep you company or watch the kids for 20 mins while you go to the store or take a shower it will be worth it!

emandjp

I feel exactly the same way!!

steprozz

@cMichelle0423‌ did you just describe my life? I feel like I could have written this word for word. mostly about how I feel like my 21 month old probably feels so unloved at this point. two kids is SO. HARD. you are doing a great job! PM me if you want to talk- I'm right there with you. hang in there mama it can only get better right?

rainbowdashh

I'm right there with you. I've become a yeller and it makes me feel awful. My daughter will be two next month and recently has become really attached to H. It makes me feel awful. Like she thinks I only care about the baby so she's got to find someone else. I hate that I don't get one on one time because she won't even allow it. Mom guilt is overwhelming.

And I feel you so much on the identity thing. Sometimes I feel lost. Like you said, I love being a wife and mother, but somewhere along the road there I feel like I've disappeared. I told H I need to start doing "me" things again before I lose my mind.

Hang in there. I've been told it gets easier. But for now, give yourself a break! And if you ever need to talk, I'm here!

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Katieluc106

It isn't easy. I basically could have written this word for word. Especially the showering part! Just know you aren't alone and the feelings are normal. ❤️❤️

AandJ28

Hugs!! I'm sure you are doing a fantastic job, although I know it may not seem like it at times.

chloephoebecali

Keep in mind it is all temporary. Don't overthink it. Your ds will not be ruined or traumatized by temporary negative attention, your impatience and yelling. It is tough in the beginning and you need to do what you can in order for you all to function/survive. Once things get easier you can spend more time working on positive attention, etc. Your ds will be fine.

As far as your identity, I promise you will get it back.  Once they get a little more independent and no longer need you constantly, you can figure out what you need to do for yourself long term to be happy.  (I found volunteering feels great when I'm not consumed with a newborn.)  In the meantime, get a massage/pedi and leave the house kid free if you can.  It gets better, but here will be bumps here and there. You can do it.

cMichelle0423

Thank you all for your support and advice!! And for those of you going through the same thing, it's nice knowing I'm not alone. I'm definitely going to ask DH for some extra help so that I can try to do something for myself... unfortunately that'll have to wait til next week because DH has a very busy schedule until then. Plus he's never watched both kids alone and I know he's terrified to watch our 6 week old because he's convinced he'll break him lol I feel like all of this would be so much easier if I had someone around who could understand. DH tries to help me but there's only so much he can do when both of our boys prefer to be consoled by me. I hate not having anyone to talk to. I don't have any friends where we live and all my friends back home don't even have kids. Plus I feel like I can't even talk to my mom because I don't want her to worry about me, she's already upset that she can't see me or the boys. I'm so glad I have my awesome J14 ladies though! It's made things a little easier having yall here for support and encourage. I definitely teared up reading all your comments! I'm going to try to stay positive and focus on taking care of my family AND making time to really take care of myself. Thanks again yall! Hope everyone has an awesome day

Mom&nurse

Some days we just drive. All of us. It's only thing that makes me feel better. Even if it's just to get me coffee.

misscarter87

Im going through the same exact thing and feelings also its so hard trying to give some little attention to my 18month old she also has been acting out ive been so exhausted lately its hard handling two kids Dh works nites so im home by myself with them both til he gets off i rarely have any time to myself