Nighttime - awake and screaming....are we being played by a toddler who wants to snuggle?

lafayettegirl

17 month old has been sleeping fine. Last week he contracted Hand Foot and Mouth (and was teething) and needed extra soothing in the middle of the night due to pain and itching. Well, we're well past that, but he is still waking in the middle of the night - screaming and crying and jumping up and down. It isn't the type of cry or scream he has when he is in pain. This is more like he desperately wants us in his room. When we do go in, he clings to us and then falls asleep, but the moment we put him back in the crib, he is up and crying again. Last night it took him 2.5 hours to get back to sleep. 

He's getting pretty decent sleep at school, the teeth have been cut, the rash is gone and not itchy (I know because I got it from him and I'm back to normal). His cries are just so desperate sounding, but when we do go in, we feel like we are completely being played by a toddler who really just wants to be held. While we love snuggle time, we both work and DS is in day care so the sleep is much needed for all 3 of us. 

Any advice??

Unknown

This content has been removed.

lafayettegirl

Wow. Thanks Aditigirl. Way to help and be supportive and helpful.

Actually, if you read all the way down my post, I did say, "While we love snuggle time, we both work and DS is in day care so the sleep is much needed for all 3 of us." I'm all for soothing, but I was looking for some other folks who may have dealt with something similar and had a technique that helped both soothe and get everyone back to sleep in less than a 2 hours at 3:00 a.m. time span. This is a new pattern for DS and not one that is good for anyone. Nighttime sleep is important, and if there is nothing terribly wrong, then I do not believe we should be encouraging a cuddlefest in the middle of the night just because he feels like it. 

I appreciate the fact you may not agree, but your comment doesn't help and it certainly doesn't encourage a helpful discussion of tips and advice.  

Unknown

This content has been removed.

=Lee=B

It sucks...a lot of children are just creatures of habit.  Your son has the habit of waking for snuggles...because last week he needed it.  Now he wakes because his little body is programmed to wake and he expects the cuddles he was getting.

You need to retrain him to sleep through the night (or what ever he was last doing).  You'll likely need to go in and lie him back down.  DO what every you can to calm him that is least hands on and is easiest to ease off.  Does that make sense?? lol, typically lying them down and rubbing their back or belly while 'shhhhhh-ing' works.  Then over time phase out the belly rub (make it slower and softer).  Eventually just 'shhhh' and hopefully it won't be long before you have to go in at all.

The time it takes to do all this will depend on your child.  I find the belly rub and 'shh' works best as there is no transfer to wake the child...they are still comforted and feeling your touch but are in their bed and it is easy for you to phase out and leave.

Hope you all get sleep again soon!!

youenjoymyself

We are in much the same boat as you.  My daughter had HFM last week, too.  Luckily, just a mild case.  Even before that, though, she was waking up for 2-4 hours in the middle of the night (she's 17 months).  Just wakes up, eyes wide open, and she won't go back to sleep for a while.  Last night she was up from 2-5:30.  My husband and I take turns holding her.  She and I nurse and rock, and he holds her and walks.  She doesn't really cry and is never inconsolable, she's just...awake.  In my heart of hearts, I know she'll outgrow it, but, in the meantime, it's maddening!  We work full time, so we end up dragging most days of the week.  I wish I could just put her in her crib and that she'd fall back asleep when's she ready to, but I know she'd just cry and scream her head off until we picked her back up.  Either way, we're not sleeping.  So, I hear what you're saying, and I empathize with you, but I'm afraid I don't have any advice.  Maybe one day we'll be able to get a solid night's sleep.  Hang in there, mama!

beckcour

There is also an 18 month sleep regression. Your LO may be getting close to that. My DD went through a pretty rough patch for about a month. Frequent night wakings, wouldn't go to bed, awake for the day at 4am, etc. One night she wouldn't go to sleep until 11 and her bedtime is 8.

Everyone has given great suggestions already. Wait a bit before going to check on him, try to shush and give a back rub before picking him up, bring him to your bed if you're really desperate for sleep. Hopefully this will pass soon.

cozybluebear

I know I'll get bashed for this but when my son wants to snuggle, I snuggle. I just can't resist a snuggly toddler. He's now 18 months and super independent and snuggle times are very rare so I'm glad I took advantage of it when I did. They grow out it. How many 15 year old do you know that wake up to snuggle with Mom at night?

loeroam

My 17 month old is doing the same.  He STTN about 4 days out of the week, but the remaining days, he wakes up at about 1am and can't put himself back to sleep (he's been sleep trained since 7 months).  He's just learned that if he calls for Mama when he is crying, I will come in, so his new thing is to scream and cry out for me.  If my husband goes in despite the mama cries, he can ususally calm him down with some belly rubs or back pats with minimal (10-15 mins) of crying and he'll sleep the rest of the night (although, last night night DH had to lay on the floor for 30 mins).  If I go in, he calms right down, but when I leave, he screams like he is being murdered and DH can not get him to calm down after that.  The only thing that gets ANYONE sleep is bringing him to bed with me.

Does he soothe better for one parent as opposed to the other?  I know it sucks, but if so, I would reccomend that parent being the primary "night attendant".  If he uses a blanket, you could also try sleeping with one of his blankets for a few nights and then putting it in his crib so he feels safer when he wakes up.

Good luck.  I've been told this is normal and they will grow out of it - to just try to keep the midnight cuddleing to a minimum so they don't get used to it. (easier said then done when you have to get up for work!)

AppleJacks81

You may be getting played a bit But he probably got used to snuggling when sick and now wants you to soothe him to sleep rather than doing it himself. When we've gone through those stages, we played into it for a few nights, but then like you, got tired ourselves. We've had to do a bit of "cry it out" over the years through two babies. We would check on them, make sure everything is okay, maybe snuggle for a second, then back to the crib. It takes a few nights sometimes but they get used to self soothing again.

homebird

Graham is going through a phase like this right now. I go in, lay him down and rub/pat his back for a little bit. Then I walk out. Usually he's content to stay there and will fall asleep (if he hasn't already). I don't pick him up unless he's REALLY upset (like, I know he's in pain or scared or something). 

I make exceptions obviously if he's sick or teething or something, but if he's over it ... no. I love cuddling him, but I did that with my daughter and we're still dealing with the bad habits we created. And she's 4. 

homebird

Nicb13 said: cozybluebear said: I know I'll get bashed for this but when my son wants to snuggle, I snuggle. I just can't resist a snuggly toddler. He's now 18 months and super independent and snuggle times are very rare so I'm glad I took advantage of it when I did. They grow out it. How many 15 year old do you know that wake up to snuggle with Mom at night? Yep, same here. I just give him the attention he needs.


------ While I generally agree with this, I think there comes a point where it's not healthy for the family. I don't know this particular person's exact situation, but when your baby/toddler is waking up multiple times a night crying for attention - that usually means the parent isn't sleeping well either. And a parent who doesn't sleep well can be cranky, irritable and tired during the day. 

In my family's case case, my husband and I both work and we have two children to take care of. While I want to give Graham snuggles and attention, there's a point where I have to LOVINGLY help him learn that middle-of-the-night isn't always the best time to do that. kwim? That doesn't mean I never cuddle him in the middle of the night, or that I just leave him in there to cry and feel alone. There's a happy medium, kwim?

Beevol

I'm a big believer in a good night's sleep being one of the most important things a parent can give to a child. I suffered most of my childhood and well into my adulthood from insomnia and sleep hygiene is The Rule in my home now. YMMV. 

That being said, I think others have pointed out that his little body got used to waking up in the middle of the night and now you need to help him get used to sleeping through the night. Something that he ultimately will do through self-soothing because no one actually sleeps the entire night, healthy sleep cycles include brief periods of not-quite-wakefulness, he's hitting those periods and waking up completely because he's gotten used to doing so. A good way to help him is to make waking up in the middle of the night super boring. Keep the lights off, don't make a lot of eye contact, don't talk very much and keep your voice low. Once the initial terror is gone, but before he is asleep, lay him back down. 

You do not need to stay with him until he falls back asleep; only do so if you want to and are OK with that being part of the pattern he uses to soothe himself.