Struggling with moving 1 year old from his Nana to Daycare

MMCD3717

Hi! 

So my son just turned one a few weeks ago.  I work full time and staying at home with him was not an option. My mother in law has watched my little guy ever since I went back to work after maternity leave.  We had told them even before he was born that at some point we would want to put him in daycare because we want him to socialize with other children.  We also had concerns about her ability to watch him as she tends to get overwhelmed pretty easily.   Another concern we had was her memory.  She has a family history of memory related illnesses and over the last few years has shown signs of it herself.

Where she doesn't work and doesn't do a ton, I think it really brings her a lot of joy to watch him.  However, the memory issues are concerning me lately as it appears to be getting worse.  She could have fed him 20 minutes before I picked him up and honestly can't remember when he last ate without looking at her notepad (she writes everything down-which is great)  She doesn't want him to hold on to furniture to surf the room  (he's learning to walk) because she's afraid he'll get hurt.  But what made me really nervous was that I was in her kitchen the other day putting his food in the fridge and she just followed me right in.  I assumed she had put him in his pack n' play but when we went back in the room a few minutes later, he was holding onto the window sills playing with the blinds.  Meanwhile he was only about 10 ft away from a flight of stairs going down to the basement.  then my father in law comes home everyday  and wants to feed him anything he wants.  My son was covered in red stains when I got there yesterday only to find out that he had given my 12 month old (who we just switched to whole milk less than a week ago) a bottle of gatorade to drink.  He thought it was hilarious. He was getting ready to feed him peanut butter cookies when I arrived and I had told them we weren't giving him peanut products yet.

My husband and I talked about it and we're thinking we need to move him to daycare and we have one already picked out as our sitter works there.  He would actually be in her room if we moved him there now.  I don't know why but I'm really struggling with this decision.  He loves when he sees other kids and never gets to play with them so I think he would enjoy it.  I guess I feel bad pulling him away from his Nana and the one on one attention he is getting.  He also has only been sick once in 12 months and I know he'll be sick more often in a daycare situation.  There is also the cost factor, where we've paid nothing for the first year and that's been hugely beneficial.

I'm just trying to do what's best for him but I feel like I'm going to feel bad no matter what we decide to do.  Any advice or thoughts?

Sorry for the long post!

jasara7980

We went through a similar situation with my FIL. As the year progressed, more and more issues came up with his care and I became more and more worried. In the end, we decided to move DS to full time day care and he has thrived there. I know my FIL was hurt by our decision but I couldn't spend my days worrying about my son. As your son begins to walk, run and climb his world will become more dangerous and you need to be 100% sure that his environment is as safe as possible. I say: follow your instincts!

cedenton

I'd say do DC 3 or 4 days a week and have MIL do one or two days or even a half day if you're comfortable with that. They'll get over it. 

ASmallWonder

Really, no one can make this decision for you because there are pros and cons to each situation.  Your concerns are (mostly) valid with him saying with the grandparents.  I'd insist they childproof but the food stuff- he's one.  The stuff you listed isn't going to kill him but if it's important to you, it's on you to make sure they know that because at daycare, unless you specify otherwise, he'll likely be given juice and peanut products.  I'm not saying you don't have the right to say no to those things but you seem to think they should assume you don't want him to have them and a school will not make that assumption.

Both my kids have always been in daycare and the illnesses can be epic.  But the exposure to the other kids and learning to listen to someone outside of family is a great benefit.

tig594

cedenton said:

I'd say do DC 3 or 4 days a week and have MIL do one or two days or even a half day if you're comfortable with that. They'll get over it. 

This.  Also, have you checked to see if you'd be providing his food or if DC would?  I take all of DD's food for her.  They give her what I send and ask if they want to do something different, like cake for birthday parties.

ASmallWonder

CK2MD said:

elmoali said:

The stuff you listed isn't going to kill him but if it's important to you, it's on you to make sure they know that because at daycare, unless you specify otherwise, he'll likely be given juice and peanut products.

Not necessarily. Many DCs are nut-free (we recently moved, and every DC we toured was nut-free, as was our previous DC). Juice is also not given at some DCs. I agree that your child in DC is likely going to be exposed to many foods you haven't given him yet, but IMO that can be hugely beneficial since it allows your LO to try new things.

Yes, but making the assumption it's not peanut free (as the assumption is to be made about grandma's house) she has to make it clear if her wishes go against the norm - anywhere, kwim?

MMCD3717

There was definitely not an assumption made with my MIL's house.  I repeatedly told them no peanut products, as did I repeatedly tell them only milk and water (i.e. no gatorade) for him.  I've also told them to only use the sippy cup (which he's starting to do really well with at home) but yet today she pulled out a bottle for him when I got there (I will be collecting all of my bottles from over there this afternoon).   

The problem I have is that I don't know if they are just disregarding my wishes or if she honestly can't remember.

I do need to look into the food situation at the daycare.  I know that they do provide food but I don't know what it is and I don't know if you can bring in anything for them but I will definitely look into it!.  

I don't know why but I feel as though I would be more comfortable with a day care feeding him.  That's sad right?  I feel like a terrible person.  But we're we are concerned about her memory and my where my  (FIL) thinks is super fun to give him new foods to try so he can see his reaction., I'm just frustrated.

At the same time they love him sooo much and who wouldn't want grandparents that just get so much joy out of spending time with him?  I'm so grateful for what they have done for him and for us by watching him so I don't want to come across ungrateful.  I'm just torn at the moment.

But thank you to everyone for your thoughts and feedback.  It's much appreciate!

steelerbaby29

I would go with what you feel is best for your son even if it hurts your MIL's feelings. Like a pp said maybe she can watch him once a week. It's going to be a hard conversation and maybe even slighty awkward but as he gets older it may get worse so if your going to enroll in DC I personally would just tell them and get it over with. You could also add in that you want your son to have interaction with other kids his age that way it doesn't seem like all them.

AppleJacks81

I like the idea of sending him 2-3 times a week to daycare to ease the transition. Plus you won't feel like you've burned any bridges with Nana when you need her to watch him on sick days (which there will be some once daycare starts). Honestly the socialization and learning opportunities can be great - I'm sure they will understand it is for the best. I'm sure you've discussed your thoughts with your pediatrician and they might recommend different things than mine, but I don't see anything wrong with trying new foods after a year old. The peanut trial is going to come sooner or later, might as well get it over with while you are around the first few times instead of worrying all day that someone else is accidentally going to feed something to him.