Heavy heart this week (ticker warning)

angelsnight

Last year my due date was very hard of course, but I thought after I got through the first one it wouldn't be as hard....at least not compared to her angelversary in March.  But this Saturday would have been her due date and it's still hitting me hard this year.  I've been thinking about her a lot, and can't help but think we should be getting ready to celebrate her first birthday.  I think Prince George's birthday will always bring up a little pain since it will always be a reminder of what time of year it is and what we should be doing.

I think MH is feeling it too, he took my car for an oil change the other day but was gone a long time.  I asked where he went and he said he got lunch and went to the cemetery.  When I drove my car later that day I found that he had been listening to the cd my SIL made for us of songs we played at her funeral, more specifically Goodnight my angel by Billy Joel. 

It almost feels like even if I had no clue what month it was, my heart would always know that a significant date is approaching.  For those past their first year, is the due date still hard for you?

JessicaG220

**ticker warning**

I totally get where you're coming from.  We passed the anniversary of Ava's due date on June 27 and it was just as hard as last year.  Being pregnant again, I still find myself so overwhelmingly sad when I reach pregnancy milestones because I am reminded of her.  

Right before we lost Ava last year, my grandfather bought us the high chair we registered for.  After she passed, my parents put it in their garage and it has been sitting in there ever since.  We decided a couple weeks ago that we should take it out since the garage isn't temperature controlled and we didn't want it to get damaged.  We picked it up and brought it home and I felt really uneasy and off during the whole car ride.  When we got home, I finally broke down and cried so hard.  The unused high chair symbolized what should have been and what never was.  It felt like we were robbed of using the high chair that sat in the box just like we were robbed of spending our lives with Ava.  Silver lining, though...  it's not the exact chair we registered for.  Somehow it's a different pattern.  So I am very happy that we don't have to get rid of the chair that was meant for Ava.  It's like this new chair represents this new pregnancy.

I can completely relate to how you feel.  Our rainbow hasn't arrived yet, and I have at least one freakout moment every day, but I can't and won't ever forget our first daughter.  And I know both April 17 and June 27 will always be hard for us.

stefuge

So many ((hugs)). We haven't reached the anniversary of Colton's due date yet, but I anticipate it will still be difficult. I think it's just that when you are pregnant, there is so much built around this future date, it becomes ingrained in your mind, and you start making so many plans past that date with baby in mind. You can't just forget it. Someday, down the road, it may mean less, but at the same time, it still represents everything you have lost - birthday parties, and new milestones, and so many new phases of your life. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you as the 26th approaches.

shandorfml2

Lots of hugs.... You made it through though

OSUWifey09

***SIGGY***

Devon's due date wasn't as hard as his angelversary, but I didn't have the best day when that rolled around last year. I think I will always remember it subconsciously, and it will always affect me...even if I think I've forgotten, my body hasn't. Sending so many hugs your way.

bunnybun4

big ((hugs))...this year I honestly thought her due date would be no big deal.  I thought that now the date that would haunt me forever would be her angelversary.  I was so wrong...I was a MESS on my EDD this year...I cried so so hard.  The year before I was sad but we had enough energy to go out to dinner and celebrate her life as well...this year I couldn't even do that.