Re-using a top name, but from a miscariage?

Teseve

My husband and I just found out I am about 7weeks pregnant with our 2nd child. We have a boys name that we have loved ever since we found out we were having our first, a girl, and still love it to this day. Its always been girls names that give me the most trouble. There are just to many pretty ones out there, and I fall in and out of love with them so quickly. But one name that I have loved for 11yrs now, and my husband since I told him of it is Rinoa Seraphine. But the catch is I had that name chosen back with my very first pregnancy with my first husband. I miscarried at about 12 weeks, and of course have no idea what the gender was. I wouldnt want to use the entire thing, thats just too much, I dont want to *steal* the name from that baby if it happened to have been a girl. But I adore Rinoa to this day. Would it be ok to use it with a different middle? Is it still to much like stealing from that first baby? What is everyone elses thoughts on this?

LNic5

First of all congratulations and so sorry for your first loss!!

would think it would have too many bad memories attached to it and the fact that it not only was a possibility for a baby you lost but it was also with your first husband. I personally wouldn't want to use anything from that situation but that's just me. If it doesn't bother you or your husband and you love the name that much than I guess go for it, but it could also be weird for that child when it grows up and realizes it was a name possibility for a baby that didn't survive and then was used for them and it was with someone that wasn't their dad. Just some things for you to ponder. But ultimately it's you and your husband that only know how you feel about it!! Curious though, were any of the names shared with family with your first pregnancy??

Teseve

Yes, but they dont remember the names anymore, just that they usually hate what I pick lol. I tend to go for either slightly out there names, or perfectly nice names that they themselves hate. My daughters middle name is May, my gramma hates it cause her middle is Mae and she doesnt like her middle. I lovee the name Lucie, but my mom hates it cause her middle is Lucille. Things like that.

LNic5

So that wouldn't be a concerning factor then with them possibly being upset. So really it comes down to if you and your husband are comfortable enough to use it, and whether or not hearing/saying/seeing the name constantly will always bring you to that tragic time in your life and always thinking of your other baby....I don't think other people can really tell you if it's ok or not. If you're both ok with it and love the name then use it!

LNic5

How is it pronounced? Rye-noah?? Rin-oah?? I've never seen it before

DaisyZH

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I think that this is a question only you can answer.  Personally if you love the name and you wouldn't feel negative feelings towards it I think you could use it and in a way even honor your angel baby.  

It's up to you, whatever makes you feel the best.  Good luck with your decision!

plunderb

The important thing is that you feel comfortable using it. Some people would go for it, others wouldn't, but no one can tell you how to feel about this. If it feels right to you, do it.

As a side note, in many times and places, it has been common to give a child the same name as a deceased sibling. If you were living in colonial America, no one would bat an eye at having two (or three, or four) sons named John or daughters named Mary. Which is just to say that people have felt very differently about this naming issue in different situations, and the only right answer is the one that feels right to you.

Teseve

Rin-oah. Geek alert, but its a name from the game Final Fantasy VIII. I plan on the nn of Noa, or possibly Rinni (Ree-nee). My first daughters name came from a book, the boys name we have planned both first and middle also from books. Serephine was from 2 different books. Just Rinoa was game related, but we are such big gamers it pays homage to our interests and how we got together, while the other names are for my love of reading.

LNic5

When I first looked at it I thought it was kinda out there but it has a very pretty sound, I like it and grows on me the more I see/hear it!! Never would've guessed it was from a game (not much of a gamer!!). It's nice it's from a common interest between your husband and yourself too, very sweet!!

sharksfan

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks. We obviously didn't know boy or girl at the time, but we've had a girl name picked out since before marriage. Now I'm pregnant with a little girl and will be using the name. If my first was a girl and went full term, it would have been her name. So I guess that's my long winded way of saying this: if you and YH aren't bothered by it, I see no issues with it.

HopingforChange

I am sorry for your loss. I have had two miscarriages. One was at 8 weeks. I intuitively felt it was a girl. After the loss, I called her Mary Grace. I did consider using this name for my current DD. In the end, I chose differently. However, I don't think it's weird at all. It's a great way to honor your past. Do what you are comfortable with.

Dr.Loretta

If you're ok with using it, go for it.

 

LisaG09

It's a very personal decision. I tried for a baby in a different relationship and had two names picked out, Cordelia for a girl and Walker for a boy. Now that I am trying again in my current relationship, I can't see using either name. I just don't feel connected to them anymore.

When I got pregnant with my current relationship, we had a short list of names for sure. Including Augustus, Alexander, Azalea, and Annabelle. After the miscarriage, we talked about naming the baby we lost but decided to call the baby Angel Baby since we didn't know the sex. If I carried the baby to term, it's name most likely would've been one of the four listed above but now I consider the lost baby's name to be Angel. All of these names are still on our list and we'll use them when we get pregnant again.

However, you and your H have to do what feels right for you. Congrats on your pregnancy, also!

genromeo

I think that if you are OK with it, then there is no reason why you shouldn't. I have a friend who miscarried at 15 weeks and used the name she had picked out as the MN for the son born a year later as a way to honor the memory of her miscarried child.  

Also, I used to love the FF series back in the day. If DH were a gamer, I might have tried to talk him into Rydia.  

526SadieSadie

If you knew for certain that the baby you lost was a girl and were calling her by that name, I'd say maybe it's not a great idea to use it now. 

The pregnancy you lost could have been a boy but you still plan on using the boy's name in the future, you can just as easily use the girl's name.

blessed2585

I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I would make sure that your husband is just ok with it. Congrats on the baby! I will keep you in my prayers! 

divinemsbee

H and I have had the same list, more or less, since we got married. The names are pretty set. I've had three miscarriages, but none of them have had a name yet, so we're still going to use the names we've picked if/when we have a living child.

AmandaR204

I know what you mean nice lost two and I just named them Jordan and Jamie, since I don't know the genders. I would say use it, if you like it enough you should use it. I don't think baby would mind sharing it.

angelsnight

I'm sorry for your loss.  I think it all depends on what you are comfortable with.  MH and I lost our daughter last year at 22 weeks....prior to finding out she was a girl, we had the name Kayla picked out for a girl.  When we found out, Kayla it was.  Before we started telling people, MH asked what other names I like, and my top name was Emily, but I decided on Kayla because he loved it so much.

So when we lost her, we still named her Kayla, and her middle name is Kathryn after my mom.  This past March our rainbow was born, a girl we named Emily Kathryn.  So Emily was my top pick for my pregnancy with Kayla and we reused the middle name (due to its signifigance) and we're completely comfortable with it and I love our daughters' names. 

However a few people suggested, when I was pregnant with Emily, that we name this one Kayla too.  I was not cool with that.  It would be different in an earlier loss situation, especially if we hadn't known the sex, but we held Kayla, she has a gravestone.....it totally felt wrong to name our next baby Kayla as well, as if we were just replacing her and in denial.

jennasnipes

My husband and I are using a first name from a previous miscarriage. I think it depends on you and your husband. Will you think about your previous pregnancy in a sad way when you say it? We look at it as almost a tribute to our baby in heaven. We even plan on explaining to our son (when he's old enough to understand of course) that his name is the same name we gave his big brother before he went to heaven.