Allow me to introduce myself

mommybear87

Hello, I'm Katrina, otherwise known as mommybear87. I'm 26 from California and have been married 3 years. This past month my husband and I had an unexpected loss. We Found out we were pregnant Friday, June 13th. We were ecstatic! Thinking I was fairly early along, naturally; we were so full of hope and new goals. Babies are a miracle after all!. Well, June 19th my world was turned upside down and inside out. My husband and I went into our first Prenatal appointment and our Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, a sac, nothing. all the while my HCg counts were high. So, there was a chance I was just really, really early. I was wisked off to get blood work done and then sent home. My doctor then called me at work an hour later and confirmed I was pregnant and made an appointment for me with radiology for the following day, to have a more thorough ultrasound . As I was laying on the table a loud strong heart beat played through the machine and as I turned my head to look the tech moved the screen, She asked me to close my eyes and allowed me to listen and enjoy the only part of my baby I would ever have. Though she didn't verbally say it I knew.  I just knew it my gut what was going on. and It was confirmed as I witnessed her type on the screen. 5 Mins later I was whisked off to my doctors office and told my pregnancy was Ectopic. and I was Almost 10 weeks along by the look of things!He showed me my baby. She looked so little. Like a doll. and she was stuck in a place she shouldn't be. Literal inches from where she should've been. an Interstitial pregnancy or (isthmic tubal pregnancy) as my chart said. I had to have emergency surgery because my doctor didn't know how I was not already bleeding or in pain. My tube was stretched to it limit.  ( I had no symptoms of a ectopic pregnancy. Aside from morning sickness I was pain free. Just plain tired all the time.) and They had to remove my right fallopian tube in the process. While my care was exceptional and I was allowed to morn and cry. I am still broken, We are still broken. My husband and I named our baby (at the guidance of the nurses who took care of me) : "Ellie Angel Anzaldua" Because Elephants never forget; and while I'm not an elephant, I am the mommy of an angel and that heart beat and silhouette are something I never want to erase from my memory. I am now a month into recovery and looking for people who understand my pain and truthfuly the guilt I feel. I feel as if I let my baby down. and I cant shake it. Anyway. I'm mommbear87.

shandorfml2

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet angel. Our board is more geared towards late term loss, stillbirth and loss of an infant/child. You might find more people who can relate with what your going through on the miscarriage board. (((hugs)))

mommybear87

Thanks

 

Noethola

So very sorry for your loss. Your story is a beautiful tribute to your little angel. Please take time to heal, physically and emotionally. Grieve as long as you need to. Hopefully by also telling your story on the miscarriage board you can surround yourself with a great support system. So very sorry.

mommybear87

Thank you...