Hello, I'm Katrina, otherwise known as mommybear87. I'm 26 from California and have been married 3 years. This past month my husband and I had an unexpected loss. We Found out we were pregnant Friday, June 13th. We were ecstatic! Thinking I was fairly early along, naturally; we were so full of hope and new goals. Babies are a miracle after all!. Well, June 19th my world was turned upside down and inside out. My husband and I went into our first Prenatal appointment and our Doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, a sac, nothing. all the while my HCg counts were high. So, there was a chance I was just really, really early. I was wisked off to get blood work done and then sent home. My doctor then called me at work an hour later and confirmed I was pregnant and made an appointment for me with radiology for the following day, to have a more thorough ultrasound . As I was laying on the table a loud strong heart beat played through the machine and as I turned my head to look the tech moved the screen, She asked me to close my eyes and allowed me to listen and enjoy the only part of my baby I would ever have. Though she didn't verbally say it I knew. I just knew it my gut what was going on. and It was confirmed as I witnessed her type on the screen. 5 Mins later I was whisked off to my doctors office and told my pregnancy was Ectopic. and I was Almost 10 weeks along by the look of things!He showed me my baby. She looked so little. Like a doll. and she was stuck in a place she shouldn't be. Literal inches from where she should've been. an Interstitial pregnancy or (isthmic tubal pregnancy) as my chart said. I had to have emergency surgery because my doctor didn't know how I was not already bleeding or in pain. My tube was stretched to it limit. ( I had no symptoms of a ectopic pregnancy. Aside from morning sickness I was pain free. Just plain tired all the time.) and They had to remove my right fallopian tube in the process. While my care was exceptional and I was allowed to morn and cry. I am still broken, We are still broken. My husband and I named our baby (at the guidance of the nurses who took care of me) : "Ellie Angel Anzaldua" Because Elephants never forget; and while I'm not an elephant, I am the mommy of an angel and that heart beat and silhouette are something I never want to erase from my memory. I am now a month into recovery and looking for people who understand my pain and truthfuly the guilt I feel. I feel as if I let my baby down. and I cant shake it. Anyway. I'm mommbear87.