My 16 month old hates everyone. What do I do?

Bensmom13

B is almost 16 months. He basically does not like anyone except me, my husband, my mom or my dad.

He has severe seperation anxiety when it comes to anyone else. My SIL can't even hold him if I'm standing right next to them. He'll scream and wriggle and flip out until I take him back. (We were in the church so I couldn't let it go on)

The church nursery is a joke. He screams bloody murder the entire time and they always call me within 15 minutes because he's basically hyperventilating and they don't know what to do.

He screams when we even drive up to my inlaws house, even if I'm staying with him.

I know, I need to just bite the bullet and leave him with people but he gets SO upset. I Stay at home but spend a lot of time with my mom so he's used to her and will sleep over there no problem.

Is this a phase? Has this been the case with any of your toddlers? What do you suggest? I have family weddings coming up and my mom can't babysit so I need to work this out ASAP!

dufferoo

My daughter was a little like that and I actually didn't bite the bullet; I just tried to stay by her side unless I could leave her with her dad or my parents. She slowly warmed up to people as she approached preschool age and now at 11, she's super-independent. I guess I had to say no to a lot of invites when she was younger and in her clingy phase, but it's up to you how much you want to sacrifice and how much patience you can muster. ...I don't think you'd be wrong to just force her to stay with others, I just like to present the option of letting her let go at her own pace, even if everyone else tells you you're coddling her too much.

Bensmom13

I'd love to do that. But I'm talking my brothers wedding, not exactly something I can miss because my toddler won't let me. Lol.

Crequito

All of a sudden DD started acting this way at about 14 months.  Don't even get me started on the doctor's office.  For the first 12 months she was a happy baby babbling to the doctor at every appointment then bam - she didn't want anything to do with him or the nurses.  She screams, cries, crawls over my shoulder, waves her arm in her all done gesture.  It's awful.  At the last appointment I actually had my mom with me and she took DD for a walk while I talked to the pedi to get through all my questions without her screaming over us.  He said it's normal that the separation anxiety has kicked in so strongly and unfortunately it can last anywhere from 3 months to 2 years.

I notice that if relatives give DD a wide berth to warm up to them she's usually okay after a while.  There are times that she won't let them get near her though.  My only advice is to keep trying.  Pick one relative/babysitter that you want to watch your LO for the wedding and start spending as much time with them as possible.  Do you have a play area at your mall or a playground?  Let LO play while you just converse with the person.  If LO sees that you trust the person they'll start to feel more comfortable.  It will take time though, sorry there's no magic pill.

beccalee721

I agree with @Crequito. Find the person who will be watching your LO for the wedding and have them come over a few times between now and then while you're there so he can start warming up to them. There will still be screaming when you leave, but hopefully with some familiarity and his favorite toys he'll move on quickly.

mb314

DS is like this too - and he's 22 months! It's been a long phase for us.   We don't have any family in town, so he only sees grandparents/aunts and uncles like once every 4 to 6 months, which is basically like meeting new strangers.  He does gradually warm up to people, but it takes a while.  And I find that DS warms up more easily to people who are not trying to get his attention and who respect his boundaries better.  I can't just hand him over to a relative/friend to hold him.  That would cause a meltdown on his part. 

It is tough because I can't leave him at the gym nursery or the church nursery (he goes to daycare and is great there because he's been going there since 4 months old and he loves them). When we visit relatives, he is clingy and I can't even go to the bathroom without him screaming 

In other words, your LO's behavoir seems totally normal and is nothing to worry about, although I get that it is hard on you!  While I don't think you need to force him to stay with "strangers" (i.e. not you, your hubby or your mom), sometimes unfortunately you have to live your life and you have leave him with a sitter/other relative.  Your LO will likely cry when you leave, but he will calm down, and he will get over it.  I had to leave DS recently at an alternative day care house (because ours was closed).  I could still hear him scream as I was in the car, driving away.  It was awful.  But he stopped crying within 15 minutes and ended up having a good time at the other house.  If you need to get a sitter for weddings, your LO will be just fine.

One option you could consider (which probably wouldn't work for the weddings but could work for date nights) is going out after your LO is asleep.  We typically put DS to bed and then go out so that we avoid the whole meltdown when trying to leave. 

Good luck!

 

jani7

I don't have any advice as my DD is like this.  She is really clings to me and when others are around she will barely walk or let me put her down at all.  I'm trying to be patient with her.  I do occasionally leave her with family and she does better after I leave then when we are all together.  GL and I hope it's a quick stage for both of us!

PhieryBFly

At 16 months, it could be wonder week 10. It and teething is causing crazy fussiness and clingy-ness over here.

MamaBubbles10

My youngest, 17 months, is  like this as well. 

IMO, some kids just have a more cautious personality. For my DD, she just only feels comfortable with certain people or takes a day or two of seeing people and then warms up. She even gets upset when people she doesn't know look at her - just very sensitive. For some kids it goes away, other keep that shyness. I think it is very normal and just something we have to be sensitive to and respect. It can be tough though!

mb314 said:

DS is like this too - and he's 22 months! It's been a long phase for us.   We don't have any family in town, so he only sees grandparents/aunts and uncles like once every 4 to 6 months, which is basically like meeting new strangers.  He does gradually warm up to people, but it takes a while.  And I find that DS warms up more easily to people who are not trying to get his attention and who respect his boundaries better.  I can't just hand him over to a relative/friend to hold him.  That would cause a meltdown on his part. 

 

JessicaKS

@Bensmom13‌ Does your son like FaceTime? We FaceTime a lot with both sets of grandparents and my 13 month old really seems to recognize them the next time she sees them from face timing a few times a week (both sets of grandparents live out of town so we only see them every few months.)

Perhaps your son would feel comfortable "getting to know" people via FaceTime a few times in the days leading up to seeing them so they would feel less like a stranger. You say he is comfy with your parents because he sees them a lot. Perhaps seeing other relatives over facetime or Skype would give him the exposure that he needs to feel comfortable. Just an idea.

spring_time

Add me to the list of people with a very attached child. I have tried leaving DD with other people and have had to go pick her up because she won't stop crying. I have found the best thing I can do is let her go at her own pace. She has to warm up to people, and approach them on her own. Anybody who gets in her face or is overly excited to see her will be met with a hysterical child. I cannot Judy hand her over to a person. It helps if I start by holding her, introducing her gently, and carrying on a conversation on my own with that person. After awhile, she will deem that person safe and will eventually approach them.