Having some feels...

WasNotWas

Yes, my birthday was last week as was my first period in two years, so I'm sure that's playing into it, but...

Last night I was insanely overwhelmed. The whole house was asleep and I was reading and I couldn't stop thinking about how not "mom-like" I am and how it was a disservice to my kids. When I am actively playing with them and caring for them, I'm the best mom on the friggin planet, but when I am not, I am the woman who gets dressed in the laundry room because I don't care to fold the clothes that have been clean, sitting in there for two weeks. I am the woman who doesn't use her free time to tend to general female maintenance things. It takes everything in me to work out in my free time, but that's where the "taking care of myself" ends. I am not someone who has that extra energy/drive to get the things done that need to be done. I don't clean the house because I have the time, I only do it when it is a planned, scheduled event.

I'm feeling a bit better about it now (sitting, dressed, at work). But man, last night I was basically thinking about how moms get by with next to nothing when I can't even do it with something...I am so not a grown up...

itsStackie

You are amazing!!  I get like this a lot.  I also get insanely crazy and start trashing the house as I clean because I'm trying to "reorganize."  I spent 2 hours on Saturday night putting away clothes from my "clean" clothes pile on the floor of my room that has been building up for at least a month.  You are taking care of your kids and amazing at it!  There are some things we just won't ever be good at.  Mine is waking up in the morning. 

eta: and apparently writing down my thoughts.

ASmallWonder

You know I love you but wtf are you talking about? lol  You think you're failing at something because some shit doesn't get done when you're a wife, mother to two kids and work a job outside the home? (disclaimer: I think working inside the home is just as fucking hard, just not applicable here ) You know the people who seem to have it all together?  Most of them are lying.  There's like, 1% of people who are actually as on top of all the things as they seem.  And I think that number might be exaggerated.  

Maybe you wouldn't want people eating off your floor and sure, laundry services has suffered but you said it yourself - you're a great mom.  Being a great mom doesn't mean having shining floors and folded laundry.  Being a great mom means your kids are safe, healthy and LOVED.  The other shit is called life and we all just plug along and maybe someday we'll be caught up on laundry.

WasNotWas

@elmoali I think it's that I have this picture in my head of my mom or a "mom-type" figure who has hair that's not always in a pony tail, wears clean pants, and generally has it together. I feel like I've lost a little of the hyper-control I used to have (ie. hostess gifts, thank you notes for any and everything...) I know it should be freeing, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong

WasNotWas

@hellesbelles13 I think that's a great point. We didn't feel more loved because our moms did all that extra stuff, so it's not like my kids know the difference. It's almost as if it would be a break from being a full time, rolling on the ground, mom to get my shit together...

Maybe our moms had it right

ASmallWonder

WasNotWas said:

@elmoali I think it's that I have this picture in my head of my mom or a "mom-type" figure who has hair that's not always in a pony tail, wears clean pants, and generally has it together. I feel like I've lost a little of the hyper-control I used to have (ie. hostess gifts, thank you notes for any and everything...) I know it should be freeing, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong

Stuck in the box!

If we were all the same, the world would be a boring place.  Joking aside, it seems you think highly of your mom.  I struggle with feeling like I'm not a great mom because I don't want to be like mine.  I'm not trying to make light of your feelings for real but truly, none of this is as bad as I think you're worrying it is.  A pony tail is a style.  Do your pants have shit on them?  If not, rock on.  Your kids will grow up remembering that you were present, not that you were present in day old pants

ASmallWonder

Let me lay this out, personal style for you.  Ignore that my mother is insane because she wasn't when I was little  Our house was always clean and we always looked cute.  She cooked, she cleaned.  She rarely played.  Some of our more epic fights have been about why my brother and I love our dad more.  We don't but we have more life memories with him.  He took us for walks on our turtle big wheels and we stopped at the bakery for a donut.  He taught us to ride bikes.  We have a favorite tree in a park because he took us there and carved our names in the trunk.  We got a dollar to blow at the penny candy store every week with him.  He read me the comics while he tickled my feet and one of my wedding pictures is him and me, my feet in his lap in my wedding dress, reading the comics.  My mom was pissed but my point is that in all those memories, I have no idea where she was.  Probably making grocery lists and scrubbing the toilet.

ColieAnn31

@WasNotWas‌ we aren't like super close on here and I don't know you as well as some of the other ladies here do but I can tell you are an awesome mom! You're one of the ones I actually look up to as a working mom role model. You have a great relationship with your H and your kids are always beaming. Every one has a different concept of being a good mom but I think you are rocking the mom job! I stay at home but sometimes I just don't have it in me to do any cleaning past the kitchen. I do all the laundry on Tuesdays but I don't always get it folded that day. No mom is perfect. You are giving B and T what I think is a great balance of a mom. Who cares if the dishes don't get done before bed? The boys surely don't

WasNotWas

Thanks guys. I'm reading these in a meeting and tearing up. Usually I'm fine with everything, but it's nice to have a little mommy breakdown and know it's normal. THAT'S why I recommend TB to anyone who will listen

amie444

I invited people over last Saturday, so I had an excuse to clean my house. We moms do what we can. You are AWESOME!!

WasNotWas

@steamboat123 sometimes I'm a mom, sometimes...

ilovemarfa

If you saw me on a daily basis you would feel so much better about yourself. I wear athletic nike shorts and gap stretch t's on a daily basis and my hair is almost always up in a ponytail. My house looks trashed and whenever my mom comes over she scolds me for letting it get so cluttered and messy. I learned not to care. My kids come first and I'll always put them before cleaning, organizing, etc. I have resigned myself to the fact that until my boys are in school full time the house will never look like a showcase and I'll never look "put together".

WasNotWas

this woman messed me up as far as "mom-type"...

WasNotWas

I think I just found my new siggy gif...

ASmallWonder

The Huxtables?  COME ON NOW!  A lawyer and a doctor - you think they didn't have a maid?  You just never saw her  

WasNotWas

elmoali said:

The Huxtables?  COME ON NOW!  A lawyer and a doctor - you think they didn't have a maid?  You just never saw her  

90's TV ruined me!!

needanustart

The Cosby's was like the only show I was allowed to watch growing up (no cable and had to watch with my parents. womp womp). I swear this is where I got the idea to have 5 kids and be a lawyer from. I also still feel that being put together involves a large scarf thanks to Felicia Rashad.

Also my cousin is a lawyer, her husband is a doctor, they have two young boys and a dog, she is gorgeous and looks put together all the time (well at least to me) and her house is beautiful and even SHE has said she feels like a failure as a mom most of the time. And her kids are awesome and everything. So we all get the feels sometimes, hang in there.   

TheTamedShrew

Maelara

I hope you are feeling better

I just want to say, girl, I'm a SAHM and all that house shit still doesn't get done. Having a clean house does not equate to being a good mother you rock at being a mom and don't let the chores get you down. I don't even remember if my house was clean growing up because I was too busy playing with my mom. Your kids will just remember that you were there, with them. Not how clean the house was.

HelgaFunk

I always try to type of these profound responses and realize that they never read as well on the monitor as they do in my head. But really what it comes down to is that, from what you post on here, you and your family seem happy. Really happy. All the other stuff doesn't matter. Like others said, your kids aren't going to become adults and remember how clean the house was or how you fixed your hair. They're going to remember that you played with them, spent time with them, made them giggle, and loved them like it was nobody's business. Enjoy life. They're only going to be this small once and there'll be plenty of time for cleaning later.

 

GalLaura

Hang in there!!! You are a great mom who loves and cares for her family! This is the best thing you can be and you should be proud of yourself!