Older sibling behavior check in

Katieluc106

I've officially found a grey. My first one. I just turned 26 it's unacceptable. WTF.
DD1 was amazing for like a week. Super helpful, a great listener, totally go with the flow kid (really she ALWAYS has been).
If I wasn't looking right at her is honestly think someone stole my child and replaced her.
She's hitting, throwing the most awful tantrums ( with a bone chilling scream that goes right through you), she is being super fresh if she wants something and you ask her to hang on a second she will start screaming bloody murder and yelling "I said I want it now!". She's currently in her bedroom throwing a fit and all I can hear is stuff being thrown at the door.
She's 2.9 WTF. We have decided to stay on a united front and not give in. So far it's been a long LONG weekend. But now I'm here by myself with two dealing with this. I've already had one breakdown.
I seriously am at a loss. I've worked in childcare for 10 years and I've seriously never seen a child like this. Atleast she is still super sweet to baby. All her anger is just for mom and dad. Advice? Tips? Tricks? Alcoholic drink recipes?

Katieluc106

All things I do. She has special time with daddy special time with mommy and special alone time with both of us and I've just been smacked and bitten.

karing2

My 3 yr old has been the same.... I am hoping it is just a phase and will pass as soon as the LO can sit up and not require so much of my attention. I try the undivided attention and it doesn't seem to help.

tbmadeamistake

C has been getting better slowly. When I say better, I mean we get periods each day of good behavior, and the periods are slowly getting longer. She definitely wants attention, so I've been making a point tonpjt charlie down for naps in his room so she isn't waking him up all the time. We do lots of crafts. She also has her own baby that she can carry around, pit in the bouncer, and be mean to. That seems to help. We also talk a lot about how she needs to ask for attention and not hit. She's two, so I'm not sure how much she gets it, but just talking to her in a soothing tone tends to help.

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erind228

My oldest is doing the same thing. She will be four in sept. I took her on a special mommy-daughter lunch date yesterday in the hopes that she might go a few days without trying to give the baby her death grip hugs. She is doing all the other things you all mentioned above. It's so frustrating. So far, she has been pretty good today. Fingers crossed her alter ego stays away a few more days.

SecondTimeinMSU

This last week has been much better. Probably because he hasn't been fighting going to sleep as much which was one of the most difficult, stressful times for me since I was tired and shot by that point in the day. I pray he keeps sleeping ok since I think how well rested he is makes a  huge difference in his behavior. Also I think it has helped going back to work and sending them both to daycare. It can be a tiring grind but I think he thrives well on the routine and discipline that I frankly wasn't having the energy to keep up with. He randomly started bring his plate up to the sink after meals, win for daycare. At this point I am thinking that we are over the adjustment but more in the raising 3 years olds is just tough phase. It is a battle of wanting to do everything on your own but not being able to but also still wanting to be a baby. I try to carve out time for special activities with just one of us like he and I went blueberry picking last weekend I think he'll go with DH to the Lowe's Kids workshop next weekend.

lynnblack

Katieluc106 said:

I've officially found a grey. My first one. I just turned 26 it's unacceptable. WTF.
DD1 was amazing for like a week. Super helpful, a great listener, totally go with the flow kid (really she ALWAYS has been).
If I wasn't looking right at her is honestly think someone stole my child and replaced her.
She's hitting, throwing the most awful tantrums ( with a bone chilling scream that goes right through you), she is being super fresh if she wants something and you ask her to hang on a second she will start screaming bloody murder and yelling "I said I want it now!". She's currently in her bedroom throwing a fit and all I can hear is stuff being thrown at the door.
She's 2.9 WTF. We have decided to stay on a united front and not give in. So far it's been a long LONG weekend. But now I'm here by myself with two dealing with this. I've already had one breakdown.
I seriously am at a loss. I've worked in childcare for 10 years and I've seriously never seen a child like this. Atleast she is still super sweet to baby. All her anger is just for mom and dad. Advice? Tips? Tricks? Alcoholic drink recipes?

We are in the exact same boat.

snowpants

My oldest was really hard to be around for the first 3-4 weeks (which was really hard for me since she's always been a very sweet, lovable, good girl) but I feel like we've turned a corner. Or maybe this will come & go in waves, but whatever things are way better these last 2+ weeks. DD1 seems to be over her potty training regression & hasn't had an accident in two weeks HALLELUJAH! She's also much more her happy sweet self than the whiny and disobedient girl she had turned into for a while there.

I have no idea if what we did worked or if she would have outgrown it anyway, but DH and I worked really, really hard on being consistent and firm with all the same rules and expectations as before. We didn't cut her any slack. We also talk about the joys of being a big girl...big girls get to play at the park, and get fun underpants, and get a cookie with grandma etc etc. does little sister get to do (fill in the blank)? No, she's just a baby! Only big girls get things like that.... Silly as that might be DD1 caught on and now talks a lot about being a big girl and seems quite proud.

tummommy

DD had been doing quite well but then we went on vacation with my parents and her alter ego emerged. Any time DS fussed, DD would run up to me and cry to be held or sit in my lap and try to block me from feeding him. It was really sad but as y'all have said, consistency seems to be key. I cutting her a little slack but no is still no. Hopefully now that we are home she can settle down a bit. I think time is the only real answer; I keep telling myself it is good for them to have each other, but it's definitely not easy!

rainbowdashh

The toddler only wants her dad. She freaks out at me if I try to do anything for her while he's home. She freaks out if he holds the baby. Tonight I got a piece of cake to share with her and she lost her mind. She only wanted H to share with her. Anyone else have an older sibling behave this way?

SecondTimeinMSU

@mrsdbc are their simple tasks you can give him that involve him helping without being up in her business. Like bringing you over a diaper or picking out what she is going to wear. DS1 loves picking out his brother's outfit. Maybe creative positive ways to help and he'll stop doing the negative ones??

I don't know if I should be giving advice though, after DS1 getting a lot better we had another rough day yesterday. He fought going to bed which was tough since the baby wouldn't stop crying. Ugh. I would've cried myself if I wasn't so tired.

tbmadeamistake

@mrsdbc have you tried getting him his own baby? C has one, we even got her a ten dollar baby doll stroller for it, and its been awesome. It doesn't always work, but she feeds her baby, puts her in the play mat, that sort of thing.

Katieluc106

@Lilygrace48‌ our dr had suggested this to us also. We went got the whole set up. High chair,pack and play, baby doll with diapers and clothes. She loves it and "does her baby" while mommy is doing stuff with Viv. She even brings the pack and play with baby to her room bc Viv is in mommy and daddy's. Hey it doesn't work all the time but it will some times. And by sometimes i mean like 75% which is money well spent.

allrightmeow

When baby is sleeping, nursing, or cranky, those are official "leave the baby alone" times.   Of course they always seem to forget.  They are more gentle with him but I feel like the poor little guy freaks out because they are always coming at him.  

IlliniQT

We've been struggling bad -- DS just turned 3.  He gets so much one on one attention when the baby is sleeping and when DH is home.  My mom has also been coming out a lot to help and nothing does the trick.  It makes me sad because he was so sweet before the baby -- some of it I think it just the terrible threes!

misscarter87

karing2 said:

My 3 yr old has been the same.... I am hoping it is just a phase and will pass as soon as the LO can sit up and not require so much of my attention.
I try the undivided attention and it doesn't seem to help.

same here im hoping its just a phase

tbmadeamistake

I've started instituting quiet time at around 1 every afternoon. She wasn't responding well to calling it nap time. The first two days she put herself to sleep right away. Next two days she played for a bit and then slept. Today all I hear is playing and its been 20 minutes. I'm giving her an hour up there and we'll see what happens. Hopefully she'll go to sleep but if not at least we both get a break.

Katieluc106

@Lilygrace48‌ I started the same exact thing today! Although I wish she put herself to sleep. She played for about an hour. All she has in her room are puzzles and books to "play with" just quiet activities. But she was good, but I take it day by day.

MissBHaven1024

DD#2 has turned into a terror child. Everything is NO!, she hits, yells, kicks, screams, throws tantrums. This all started happening a few weeks ago, and has progressively gotten worse. It's rarely directed at us, but mostly all given to her older sister. I have no idea how to correct this behavior. We have done everything to discipline and none of it is working. I'm definitely at my wit's end though.