Prenatal Depression?

Curls25

I am in my early pregnancy. It was not unplanned, but was still a surprise to me when I found out, since everyone said it would take almost a year for it to happen. I am married to the best husband - we have been together 11 years and have lived in a home together for 7 years. I always thought I wanted kids, but now that I am actually pregnant I am freaking out. I don't think I can do this and I don't think I want my life to change. I uncontrollably cry and cry all day and wake up with a sick feeling because I know I am pregnant and it's like I'm seeing it as a bad thing. I am not happy or excited at all and feel no attachment to this baby. I feel like a horrible person. I go back and forth wondering if I should just get an abortion because I don't think I can handle this, but then I wonder how horrible and guilty I would feel if I did that. I have never been depressed or on medications for it. I worry about EVERYTHING from labor to the baby being sick, to how am I going to pay for college. I even am worried that my cats are going to be upset that we bring a baby home. I feel like I am completely insane. I just want this feeling to go away and to be happy and excited like a "normal" person. Please if anyone has had this feeling and has had their baby please let me know the outcome. I have to make a decision very soon as to what to do.

Alid86

I'm sorry your feeling this way. I do think you should talk to a psychologist or someone trained in mental health but here is my advice as well...having a baby is scary but it's also the best thing ever. I was very nervous my first pregnancy and for a few months after DD was born it was tough and a hard transition but now I couldn't imagine life with out her and I am expecting baby #2. Pregnancy and post birth causes your hormones to go all crazy and much of what you are feeling may be related to that as well. It's normal to worry to some extent but it sounds like you are more worried than normal. Talk to your doctor. Good luck!

febmom4

I can't say I feel the same since I am mostly excited for this baby ( although nervous too). I can say however that women I know have been unsure about kids and I've seen a total change in them once they become a mom. I think you should definitely see a therapist however. I hope it gets better for you. Hugs!

homebird

If you wanted a baby before you got pregnant and thought about it - I would say that these fears that are controlling you aren't *true* fears. I mean, they're legitimate concerns, yes. But I think they are concerns you can work through. 

First of all, I would recommend setting up an appointment with a counselor or therapist. I think you need someone who is removed from you and your situation to help you work through your fears and concerns. Seriously, it is so helpful.

And if you feel like you can't "get through the day", please see a doctor - preferably a psychiatrist (or see your regular doc and ask for a referral). You may not need medication or anything, but it's better to get a specialist's opinion and have a good "team" on your side. 

OrangeBird

I had a similar experience to yours.  I had always wanted a child, but once I got pregnant I began experiencing the worst anxiety and depression of my life.  Because my depression during pregnancy was extreme (to the point that I had suicidal ideations) and I was not functioning well, I was put on antidepressants.  I was scared that they might have a negative effect on the baby, but she is 2 now and just fine.  She is also the absolute love of my life.    I would talk to your doctor and try to set up an appointment with a therapist.  You may benefit from a mild antidepressant and therapy.  It's okay to seek that help; don't feel guilty about needing medication -- your baby needs a healthy mom (mentally and physically).  Since you really wanted this baby and it sounds like you know you would have serious regrets about an abortion, I would aggressively pursue mental health treatment.  The depression is probably a side effect of pregnancy hormones; they act differently on different women.  (It seems to me that most women are happy during pregnancy and most at risk for depression immediately after birth, but in my case I was miserable during pregnancy and immediately felt the depression lift after giving birth.)  Please note that there are always going to be a subset of doctors who will tell you worst case scenarios about antidepressants and pregnancy and will discourage you from getting help from medication.  If your OB is such a doctor, I would simply move on to another one.  The fact of the matter is that the risk to baby from antidepressants is very small.  I believe Zoloft is the antidepressant most often recommended during pregnancy.

dees14

I felt the same way at first. I started Zoloft and feel so much better. I also see a therapist. I would hate for you to do something you could regret later!

nellybellycat

You are not alone! I'm going through this as well. I never wanted children but knew it was important to my husband and i was comfortable with 1. I like kids, I absolutely adore my nephews. This was planned but as soon as the test turned positive, I freaked. Maybe because it happened so soon (3rd month of trying). I have some health issues so I thought for some reason it would take longer. I began to feel "trapped" and all I could think about was how I never wanted kids and was pressured into this. I know deep down this is not true. I've never considered terminating so I know that a part of me wants this. It's a horrible feeling. I feel like a monster. I think to myself how much easier it would be to miscarry. I talked with a good friend and she told me she went through something very similar and that made me feel so much better. I read that an estimated 30% of women feel this way even when the pregnancy was planned. I'm taking zoloft and do not feel bad about it. My husband is being so supportive and i know I'm lucky. I know it hurts him to hear me say that I hate being pregnant and I don't think I want this but I know he understands that this is hormones-and he's so good about not throwing hormones in my face. I feel like that is so degrading to minimize what I feel. I'm starting to come around but I just want this to be over-and there is so much more to go. When I have my 1st OB visit i'm going to talk to her about it and maybe consider upping my dose of zoloft (I'm only on 50mg). Please know that you are not alone and you are not a bad person! There is so much happening inside of us right now that we have no control over. It makes me feel a little better knowing I'm not the only one going through this

lizzypoo96

Ahhh I almost feel like I'm reading my story! I said to my husband the other day "this is the happiest time of my life but my brains telling me it's the wrist." I think all women have gees fears to a degree, but when you have anxiety it controls you. I would start with speaking to your OB. I went off my Zoloft when I got pregnant but am considering going back on because it has been so difficult to reason with my thoughts and feelings these days. T&P to you and know this is a great place to talk! Everyone on this bored seems to really "get" it when people who have never had anxiety or depression can't understand it.

christinasullie37

I went through the same thing with dd. Do not take these thought lightly. My prenatal depression went untreated and it turned into horrible ppd which I am still dealing with 2 years later. Please let your ob know about what is going on and don't feel embarrassed about your feelings. Also seek out professional help like a therapist.

febmom4

@Curls25 how are you doing now? Just following up. Respond or pm me! Hugs!

Fromtwotothreewheeee

I have been going through a similar situation. For about a month before I found out I was pregnant my hormones flew out of control and we had no idea why. I suffered from anxiety and depression but was treated three years ago and had not been on any medication since May of 2014. Then in Oct I hadn't started my period so we took a pregnancy test. I was shocked to say the least when it was positive. We weren't planning on having any more children (our two are 9 & 8) and we lost a daughter in utero at 23 weeks. I was done and struggled with all three of the pregnancies prior to this one. I am due May 27th and know that the finish  line is right around the corner but I have progressed through the pregnancy on no medication whatsoever. It is possibly the hardest thing I have ever done. My emotions are out there a lot of times and my husband does a great job helping but he is gone so much with his job that I feel so lonely and feel like I'm "stuck" in something I didn't want. I love my children, they are the loves of my life, but since the death of my l last daughter I DID NOT want to have anymore. I have been seeing a Christian counselor and am frustrated because I am yet to accept that this pregnancy is happening. At times I feel like I am drowning in my anxiety of the "don't want to be pregnant" while everyone else is wanting to have baby showers and decorate, etc...I would love support!!!

Savanalove

Im 34 weeks and really sad. This is a planned pregnsncy but nothing has been what i planned. Although i only gained 22 pounds, i cant walk without walker or wheel chair. Doc report baby gonna be severly sick w kidney problems...despite if doing everything right.......and i sched an abortion 3 times n couldnt go through w it. This pregnancy has been miserable for something that i wanted so bad. I know i sound like a monster but i dont want a sick baby..everyone tells me i can handle it...but do i want to. I feel so guilty about my thoughts. Im considering adoption.. god i widh i didnt feel like this. I feel like im in a lose lose situation. Seeing a counselor but no meds becsuse there is already health issues. I feel like what ever happens ill never be happy again.

fourdieters

I am on my second child and I have felt this way. You will be happy again. I know I will too. Pregnancy messes with your hormones and emotions. You will have times that you miss your freedom, but when your baby smiles or laughs it makes it all worth it. Your husband will be an amazing support and will help you to remember that you will be a great mom and everything will be ok. It is a different lifestyle, but I wouldn't change a thing. Make sure you talk to someone who understands and supports you and know that you will be an amazing parent.

alissaws

Briellabella

First, my heart goes out to all of you going thru this.

Please know, from a mama who has been there, that these feelings are TEMPORARY and they will go away. There is no exact time that you will go back to feeling "normal", but it will happen and this will all be a part of your past.

Hormones play a huge part in how you're feeling. Stress is also causing some of your doubts and fears. I know it's easier said than done, but relax and trust that everything will turn out the way it's supposed to.

My suggestion is to set up and appt with your OBGYN as well as a trained mental health professional. You may find that just talking to someone helps. There are medications you can take as well as holistic options. Try eating a clean diet free of sugar, caffeine and processed foods, and exercising daily - it really works wonders.

Make sure you are sleeping well, and take time for yourself each day. Meditate. Focus on your breathing. Get your nails and/or hair done. Get a massage or try acupuncture.

And most of all, have a good support system in place to pick you up and help out when you need it. Friends, family. Even look into local support groups. Some hospitals have them.

And good luck! I recommend not making any permanent decisions, such as abortion, as this is temporary. And you knew that you wanted a baby before all these hormones kicked in.

tdoswell1

I am sort of in the same boat. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 years. His divorce isnt finalized yet but that didnt stop us from getting pregnant. When he found out I was pregnant he freaked. Telling me to abort etc. He still is not on board and I feel so depressed. I am already a single parent to one. So this pregnancy has not been good for me as far as depression Best of luck! *hugs*

Briellabella

@tdoswell1

I was in the same situation in my first pregnancy. My then-boyfriend didn't want kids and left me when I was only 3 months along. I was devastated and stressed out but I did what was best for me. I didn't worry about being a single mom, I just made the choice I knew I could live with, which was keeping my daughter.

Now here we are 13 years later and my then-boyfriend is a supportive husband and we have a beautiful 12-year old, a 5-year old and one on the way.

Do what works for you, girl. And if you need any support you have all of us here.

meeks89

This is what Im going through. I feel so sad and horrible. I want to be a mother so bad, but I keep thinking about abortions and misscarrages to "make everything better". Im 9 weeks and i feel like ive barely had time to feel excited. Always misserable, worried, scared. Im confident ill be a good mom, but soon as something bad happens in my relationship with the father, I just cant see myself having a baby with him. Ive made 2 appointments to abort but never made it to the appointments. I just wish these thoughts would go away. Especally if its not really what I want. I hope these feelings go away soon, for all of us. Im gonna make an appointment with the counselor at the clinic, as much as i hate meds, idk how much more i can take.