Best way to handle hitting?

lindslalala

DS has started hitting DH and I on occasion. Not every day, but several times a week at least. We use time outs with good results for regular misbehaving, but I feel like he needs to know we take hitting more seriously than throwing toys, not listening, etc..

I don't know if there is a better way to convey to him the seriousness of hitting and was wondering if anyone had some tips as to what has worked for you? I've tried getting down on his level and talking about it, but he doesn't really pay attention and it seems to go in one ear and out the other. I really want to get a handle on this before baby sister gets here and before he starts hitting his friends. Thanks!

[Deleted User]

I don't know if they are old enough to understand that hitting is worse than some other disobedience. I think they just do it out of frustration and to see our reaction. I know my DS does things that really bug me more because it gets more of a reaction from me. So hitting/kicking equals time out and that's it.
I've also heard it can backfire with some kids to talk about it more. If they start to see themselves as kids that hit, because you're always talking about it, they will continue to hit. I think that depends on the kid, though. I do think talking it over with my DS after TO is counterproductive. He just isn't in the mood to talk about it after TO. I use praise for the right behavior instead, e.g., I focus a lot on how proud I am that he's being gentle with me or the dog at the moment.

lindslalala

I really like the idea of not even acknowledging the hit and just putting him directly in time out, and reminding him "we don't hit" after the time out. He doesn't have the vocabulary or patience to do what Excited described. The problem is, the majority of his hitting happens when we're trying to change his diaper. He hates being changed and I feel like he would use the time out/hitting to stall us...

countrygrl5533

Excited30 said:

I agree totally the bolded above.. my dd was a hitter to me only.  She thrived off of me drawing attention to it by talking, or anything else.  I agree that hitting is non-acceptable.  What worked for us in the end was after she hit I didn't say anything/zilch!  I just quietly pick her up, and put her in time out (I use a high chair to strap her in).  I put her down and say calmly, "Hands are not for hitting." And then walking away.  Afterwards I'd take her out, sit her on my lap and start the conversation..

1. "How come you got a time out dd?" - to which she replies, "I hit mommy."

2.  "That's right, you did hit mommy.. and we are to use hands hugs and gentle touch. Were you frustrated/angry?"  - "Yes/or I frustrated"

3.  "What can you do next time dd instead of hitting?"  if she cannot answer I help her with a simple answer

4.  "Can you say, will you forgive me for hitting?"  to which dd says, "Fogive me hitting?"

5.  I say, "Yes dd, I forgive you and love you."  We hug and that's that... 

I tell ya, after a cpl weeks of this, no more hitting mom period.  After a few days, if she hit and I began to carry her she'd say, "Sowwy mommy sowwy..sowwy for hitting."  She still got the time out, but the message sank in real clear that it wasn't appropriate.

This is basically how we handle hitting. In this house, time outs are for hitting and not listening. I personally find hitting and disobedience to be the same level of misbehavior. She doesn't like having to sit away from us and usually knows when we ask her, why she was in time out. And like Excited's DD, she is starting the "sowwy, mommy for hit" thing too but she still gets the time out. Most the time DD is hitting because she thinks it is funny, not from anger (although that happens too). I need her to know that hitting isn't funny.

Lesleyjking

We just do time outs-she is a hitter when she is tired too. If she is doing something I don't want her to do I do the " 1 2 3" countdown and that usually works before I get to 3. Not saying time outs have helped with the hitting, but I do know she despises time outs. I will also take privileges away. So if she hits she will get bubbles taken away for the day, or coloring.