Thanks for coming to my shower, please fill out your own Thank You card?

bf43005

So my shower is tomorrow and last night my MIL called to tell me to bring along all the envelopes for the Thank You cards.  MIL is hosting the shower and was nice enough to order matching Thank You cards when she ordered the invitations.  I was confused and asked her why I would bring the envelopes.  She said you put an envelope at every table setting and then everyone fills out their name and address, making less for me to do.  I was shocked and told her so.  She said she went to several bridal/baby showers this year and they all did it. 

Has anyone heard of this?  Is it normal at a shower and I'm just overreacting?  I told MIL I thought that was awfully rude.  If you are nice enough to come to a shower thrown for me, and go out of your way to spend your money on a gift I can't even be bothered to write three lines on an envelope and some nice words inside to express my gratitude?  I told her I wouldn't be doing it and she said that was fine and my choice.  I told her I would be insulted if I went to a shower and was expected to fill out my own address for the Thank You card.  You knew my address to invite me to get a gift but to send Thank You cards it's too much work for you to get that address again?

Helenahhandbasket

It's a newer trend.  It is rude, but it's also rude to point out someone's rudeness, sorry.

Since this has already happened, I suggest you apologize to your MIL.  I am sure she didn't really mean harm and was probably trying to make your life a bit easier. 

Generally speaking, I think intent has a lot to do with interpreting someone's actions.  Is your MIL a rude person in general?  If not, this is a minor gaffe.

 

 

526SadieSadie

It's a newer trend and it's awful.

Good for you for telling your MIL how you feel.

sschwege

I've actually never been to a shower where this was done, though I've read about it on here.  It's rude to be sure, but then, so it telling the hostess that you would be insulted by having to fill out an envelope.  A simple, "Oh thanks for thinking of me MIL, but it's no problem for me to fill them out later."   

SingleMom31

I've been to a few where I had to do this, including some where the BrideTB and MTB didn't send out thank yous. I'm not a fan for all the reasons you said.

graciesmurf

I've been to a few showers where I had to address my own envelope and while it never bothered me personally, it is not something I'd ever do/suggest as a host.

bf43005

I think I was so shocked by the notion that someone would do this at a shower that I never thought about how MIL might take me saying it was rude.  I'm actually really close with my MIL so I called her and apologized for how I said it and that I did appreciate the thought but felt it was something I should do.  She was totally ok with it. 

Thanks everyone!

Caraluvs

I attended a shower where the host asked people to fill out their name and address on an envelope. They were all put in a basket, and a few were drawn out at random to receive a door prize. I thought it was brilliant and seemed really helpful.

hydrangeablue

I hate this at showers. I hate it even more when I get the thank you note in the mail addressed to myself in my own handwriting - like a dentist appointment reminder card...

I hosted a shower for a friend once and I got her the matching thank you notes and stamped and addressed all of the thank you envelopes for her as part of my gift of the shower. If the host wants to save the mom to be the trouble I think this is a better way than handing out envelopes at the shower.

thiscoffeechick

@LDubHawksFan‌ I agree with you completely... And think its funny to run into you on this board instead of passing you on our "other" board. ::raises eyebrow ala Sean Connery::

526SadieSadie

@MandJS - I saw the OP's avatar and got really confused, I thought this was you posting for a second lol

526SadieSadie

MandJS said:

526SadieSadie said:

@MandJS - I saw the OP's avatar and got really confused, I thought this was you posting for a second lol

Noooo!!!!!!!!!!!

I was like - wait a sec, none of this makes sense!  There can only be one husky avatar!  lol

leela02

Unless you have arthritis in your hands or something, I agree it doesn't make any sense (MIL already has addresses for invitations) and would just make you look super lazy IMO.

danascullyx

I've definitely had to do it. The most recent time was at a shower for a good friend, thrown by her mom, with other tackiness involved. I love my friend, so I went along.  

MrsTucker2011

Lurker here. PPs had some good advice. FWIW, I've been to 2 showers that did this, and I didn't fill out an envelope. I still got a thank you card. If they have my address for the invite, they can write it on the thank you card.

leela02

somerandomchick said:

leela02 said:

Unless you have arthritis in your hands or something, I agree it doesn't make any sense (MIL already has addresses for invitations) and would just make you look super lazy IMO.

In that case, MIL or MTB should type the addresses up on labels.  There are NO excuses to make the guests do it.

Yeah, that's the miracle of modern technology! If I was throwing a shower for somebody with severe arthritis or carpal tunnel or something, I'd print labels for the invites and print a second set for the TY cards

I didn't really mean it that way. I just meant that at least in that situation I would see how they would come up with that idea. Doesn't mean I agree with it.

amieeyoung

I never in all my days realized just how upset people get about showers- either that or the ppl who check these threads are super uptight? Shrug to each their own. I've been to some that did this and some that didn't. It really doesn't bother me.

amieeyoung

MandJS said:

amieeyoung said:

I never in all my days realized just how upset people get about showers- either that or the ppl who check these threads are super uptight? Shrug to each their own. I've been to some that did this and some that didn't. It really doesn't bother me.

Sure. To each their own. Don't give a damn about anyone else's comfort. That'll make for an awesome society.

Ummm what is so uncomfortable about writing your address down? I think I just won't frequent this board much- everyone posts questions and then get attacked or everything is called tacky. I am just saying, some of this stuff really doesn't matter... and I'm pretty sure someone addressing envelopes will not kill society? Maybe I only let big things bother me or am too laid back or something. I honestly don't worry about nit picky things in showers or if someone remembers to send me a thank you card. I send mine out because I think it is polite, but understand sometimes life happens and gets hectic. I was there I saw how they liked the gift and that's enough for me. We are all different I suppose.

leela02

amieeyoung said:

MandJS said:

amieeyoung said:

I never in all my days realized just how upset people get about showers- either that or the ppl who check these threads are super uptight? Shrug to each their own. I've been to some that did this and some that didn't. It really doesn't bother me.

Sure. To each their own. Don't give a damn about anyone else's comfort. That'll make for an awesome society.

Ummm what is so uncomfortable about writing your address down? I think I just won't frequent this board much- everyone posts questions and then get attacked or everything is called tacky. I am just saying, some of this stuff really doesn't matter... and I'm pretty sure someone addressing envelopes will not kill society? Maybe I only let big things bother me or am too laid back or something. I honestly don't worry about nit picky things in showers or if someone remembers to send me a thank you card. I send mine out because I think it is polite, but understand sometimes life happens and gets hectic. I was there I saw how they liked the gift and that's enough for me. We are all different I suppose.

It's impolite to invite people to bring you gifts and then make them address their own mail. I personally wouldn't care that much if I were asked to do it, but it's still tacky. My personal indifference and something's tackiness aren't mutually exclusive...I don't think it will kill society but I don't think there's anything wrong in pointing out that it is a rude way to do things.

HerHighness

I have heard of it and i think its inappropriate.

I probably wouldn't have told MIL what i really thought tho. I probably would have said, oh okay and the whoops my pregnant brain would have to forget the envelopes at home on the table

melody921

If she wants to save you the time/trouble, MIL could fill them out for you. I don't think guests should ever have to address their own stuff.

fostersstudio

I've been to weddings and showers where guests were asked to fill out their own Thank-You card envelopes, and although it's catching on I still think it's really tacky. I agree with you that it's the least you can do when someone has gone out of their way to purchase you a gift and show up at your event.

BMoreBride6

hydrangeablue said:

I hate this at showers. I hate it even more when I get the thank you note in the mail addressed to myself in my own handwriting - like a dentist appointment reminder card... I hosted a shower for a friend once and I got her the matching thank you notes and stamped and addressed all of the thank you envelopes for her as part of my gift of the shower. If the host wants to save the mom to be the trouble I think this is a better way than handing out envelopes at the shower.

To the bolded, my cousin just recently did this for me when she hosted my shower.  It was a wonderful gift!  But I would not feel comfortable having the people address their own.  

Meery82

msspeedymarie said:

amieeyoung said:

MandJS said:

amieeyoung said:

I never in all my days realized just how upset people get about showers- either that or the ppl who check these threads are super uptight? Shrug to each their own. I've been to some that did this and some that didn't. It really doesn't bother me.

Sure. To each their own. Don't give a damn about anyone else's comfort. That'll make for an awesome society.

Ummm what is so uncomfortable about writing your address down? I think I just won't frequent this board much- everyone posts questions and then get attacked or everything is called tacky. I am just saying, some of this stuff really doesn't matter... and I'm pretty sure someone addressing envelopes will not kill society? Maybe I only let big things bother me or am too laid back or something. I honestly don't worry about nit picky things in showers or if someone remembers to send me a thank you card. I send mine out because I think it is polite, but understand sometimes life happens and gets hectic. I was there I saw how they liked the gift and that's enough for me. We are all different I suppose.

@aimeeyoung

It's part of a larger trend of selfishness and entitlement that is slowly eroding away at our culture. So many people today think that they are owed everything and don't have to give back in equal measure. "Bring me a gift, and diapers, and a book, and if you want a thank you card, better fill out your own envelope because I am much too busy and important to take the time to do it myself." These are the same people who do all manner of other selfish things, and get away with it over and over again because everyone else around them is too polite to tell them "No!" 

People like us consider ourselves crusaders trying to hold back the tide of tacky entitlement, even though sometimes it feels like trying to empty the ocean with a bucket.

Can we pin this to the top of the board?