Today marks one month from the date our twins were both born and passed. Our beautiful baby girls, Tavin and Casey, were born at 21 weeks due to premature rupture of membranes (PPROM) and a chorioamniotic infection.
There was virtually no warning before Baby A's (Tavin) water broke at 6:30am that morning, and it happened following a positive appointment the day before. When the water broke (or exploded, as it forced its way past the cerclage that had been placed 2 weeks before due to IC concerns), Tavin's cord prolapsed and the cervix dialated 3 cm. Both babies were still alive at 7:30 am, and Tavin didn't pass until between 4:30 and 5:30pm that afternoon. She was born still at 9:30 that evening. Her sister Casey was born alive at 10:00pm that evening, and lived for about an hour and a half while we held them both, took pictures, and sang and talked to them. They were absolutely beautiful, and much bigger than the average 21weeker at about 400grams each and 25 cm long.
Our twins were conceived after 18months of infertility treatments. My partner @healz413 and I both have serious IF diagnoses and have been active on the IF, PAIF, and LGBT Parenting boards here (among others). @healz413 will probably weigh in with more about our story, and there is quite a bit more, but there is time for that too.
We are still figuring out how to pick up the pieces after losing our babies. We were so close to our goal of making it to that first viability date for them, and thought for sure we would make it there after the cerclage was showing that it was holding. I am still in shock I think, especially around some of the physical happenings of the birth.
We have been incredibly grateful for the support of our friends and family who have spent time with us over the past month and keep us company by crying with us and providing distraction when desired. Our Bump friends as well did an online vigil the week after our babies were born, and also took up a collection to help us with our food and practical needs; the outpouring of community support has been incredible, and I am grateful for those who are keeping us and our babies in their hearts and thoughts.
H has returned to work part time, while I am still off for awhile. We miss our babies fiercely, and every day we are faced with the space their loss has left in our hearts and dreams. I am beginning to realize that this is a hurt that won't ever disappear, but one that we will learn to live with... We are still trying to figure out how to live again. It feels scary and unknown, and we are glad we have each other left in this as well as resources like this place where we can feel less alone.
Thank you all for being here, and for sharing your stories and experience. Tavin and Casey were so wanted and wished for in our lives, and we are so glad for the time we had them and wish it was much, much longer. We love them both so much.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413) Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013. dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.