I just want to be alone with my husband and baby….SIMPLE RIGHT?

CubanPinky

Hey everyone…i am new to the board and all but i have a question. so i am 27 weeks with my third baby and starting to get kind of nervous. My husbands has a big family (a younger brother, three older sister, mom, dad, and a slew of cousins, uncles and aunts) that i know will want to adore and love all over our baby girl once she gets here. This is his first (side note: technically he is the baby of the family since his little brother is his adopted cousin that his mom raised) and his family is already ecstatic with the joy of the baby of the family bringing life into this world. i mentioned to him tonite that since i am having a scheduled csection…i don't mind his parents and my mom there after my princess is delivered. But remembering my previous c-sections, i really didn't want a ton of people all in my room, while I'm half way out of it, all huddled around my baby and i am basically helpless to the meds. Honestly, i don't mind the grandparents there for a while and then leaving so me and him can enjoy our baby girl together in privacy. He says "well go in for the c-section….dont tell anyone until the next day" o_0 i find that to be a tad harsh to family members, but what is a nicer way to let family know that we appreciate all the love and concern…but we kinda just want some "us" time the moment she comes out.

PrimRoseMama

I'd be clear about wanting privacy but expect some butthurt.

CubanPinky

and thats what I'm scared of

PrimRoseMama

CubanPinky said:

and thats what I'm scared of

What exactly are they gonna do? So what if they do? Stand up for yourself & your needs.

I'd wait until it's all over & have visitors the next day. It's not an unreasonable request.

keshupe29

Tell them after. I know a lot of people who have done this. I would prefer not to tell anyone till after. I don't want people sitting there waiting since nobody will be in the delivery room but DH!

trebekastan

CubanPinky said:

and thats what I'm scared of

You can't control how other people feel. All you can do is what is best for your family and let the chips fall where they may.

RedBaramid

I had people get butt hurt at the mere mention that I didn't want people sitting in the waiting room and in and out while I labored, let alone ask them to give me a few hours to recover. I am a suffer in silence and dark kind of gal and DH and the nurse will be plenty of people while I'm trying to force out a baby... We've already decided that unless an emergent situation occurs that our story is, I started labor suddenly, it all happened fast, we're calling to let you know that she has arrived and we'll welcome visitors starting <insert a couple of hours or so to make things seam more realistic.> Both grandmothers to be know about this plan, and will be informed when I actually go into labor in case DH needs support or I fall into an emergent situation and we need people on the ground.. but they have both been sworn to silence, and I trust them. I don't think it's too harsh honestly.  This is a big moment for you and your DH.  YOU deserve to get what you want here(you have been doing all the hard work.. carrying the baby and all) and don't owe anyone anything else. At least you aren't telling them they can't bother visiting in the hospital at all.. that's honestly what I would do if DH didn't ask for a compromise. 

lookame3639

Is any of his family pushy? Your H may be trying to avoid a situation that is uncomfortable for you since you said you don't want more than the grandparents there. If he tells them your c-section date and time they may show up even though you requested they didn't, sometimes you try to put your foot down and people don't care and do what they want anyway.

megs2011

We won't be telling anyone but my parents (we need someone to watch the girls and I want my mom in the room) that I'm in labour or anything until after the baby is born. Then people will be told a specific time that they can come. I want my girls to come meet their brother before anyone else comes too. DH'S family is very pushy so this is way better for us to not tell any of them bc they will storm the hospital. My MIL stayed at the hospital while dh's brother and SIL had their baby. She wasn't even in the room at all till after the fact. She could have stayed at her sons till the he baby was born then gone the hospital after too since baby was born after 24 hours of labour in the hospital (BIL is out of town). Best part was MIL complained about being tired when she didn't have to be but she's like that.

beccalee721

Every family is different but I would tell the family about the scheduled C-section but tell them we'll call when we're ready. If they can't understand that you want to see how you feel afterwards before people start coming to visit then that's their problem. Even if people get butt hurt they'll forget about it all once they are permitted to visit and see that beautiful baby. We're lucky in that sense because we're military and no one lived near us when DD was born. My DH sent out a text to everyone when we went into the hospital and everyone knew not to call and bother us until they heard from us first.

CubanPinky

Thanks everyone. I totally get where you all are coming from and I'm taking notes. I think bc my personality is all about "making everyone else smile before I do" (which I've been literally working on for a good min) I hate having ppl upset. But heck in the long run I hate and I mean absolutely hate being over whelmed when it's not necessary. Plus I cannot stand when it's like 50million ppl standing over a new born all in their face and crap. Sorry but I just don't need all that with 2.2 seconds of having major surgery n birthing my BabyGirl. But thanks y'all! I needed that confirmation.

ConversationFear

You just tell them - flat out. This is our first, and possibly only. I made it very clear to DH that I didn't want anyone around except him until well after we were in the actual hospital room. Not even my mom. They know they will get a call when we are ready for them to come visit.

Honestly, I feel strongly enough about this that I didn't care what their feelings on the subject were - and DH agrees with me. 

SGC29

Just be as firm as you can be. This is your baby and your special time. While it may be exciting for others, it is not about them. 

I am in a similar situation and trying to remind myself that it is okay to speak up. My mother is very overbearing and insists on being notified the second I go into labor and has tried several times to guilt me into allowing her to be in the delivery room. Not happening. I just smile and nod when she says things and I have my own plan for the "big day". I plan on calling once I've been admitted and making sure the medical staff know that the only person allowed in that room is my husband. I tend to try and people please but this is a time when it is okay to say screw that. 

foreverapartofme

I think it is totally appropriate to set up clear boundaries with family members.  I would let them know they are welcome to visit when you feel up to it, and DH will call them when it is that time.  Also, I would let the nurses know that you do not want any visitors, so if you have any overbearing family members, the nurses can redirect them until you are ready. Good luck!

allonsyalonso

We made it clear well beforehand that we didn't want anyone waiting around for me to push out a baby. Our moms weren't happy about that, but they respected it. We let our parents know when I was in labor and on my way to the hospital and told them again when DS was born and then let them visit the next morning.

I would honestly be clear with your wishes. There will be plenty of time for everyone to see the baby when you are feeling up to it.

str13

Now I'm getting to the game a little late here! Sorry! Lol but with my first right after delivery everyone came pouring in and I was so overwhelmed. To the point that this time around I started crying in my obs office about it. He just smiled and said the nurses knew how to handle that and for me just to let them know what I was up for. He said I could even give a list of who could and couldn't come in, or even say I wasn't taking any visitors at this time.
It's your day. You get to make the calls. And some people may fuss, but that's up to them!! just have a beautiful day with baby!!